FAIL Blog ([syndicated profile] fail_feed) wrote2025-12-16 04:00 am

Middle-aged woman hesitant to purchase home with long-term boyfriend after 5 years of dating, as his

Posted by Emma Saven

Blending families is never easy, especially as children get older and become more hyper-analytical about every detail of their parents' partners. It can be for many different reasons, but not all step-children are willing to welcome their 'new' mom or dad with open arms…And that is okay. But there comes a point where some children, especially young adults, put their interest or distaste for a step-parent above their parents' own future and happiness. So, where does one draw the line between 'coming to terms' with their changing family, and being straight-up unreasonable? 

Well, is this daughter the perfect example of the latter? Her father has been in a long-term relationship for a while now, yet, she can barely acknowledge her father's girlfriend's existence. At first, we thought perhaps it was because she was a certified 'daddy's girl' and feared the idea of having to share his attention…and maybe that is why…But all we know is that this whole "her or me" approach is making his girlfriend rethink their whole relationship…specifically, the part where he suggests they buy a home together!

Dan Savage ([syndicated profile] savagelove_feed) wrote2025-12-16 12:00 pm

Good Working Order

Posted by Patrick Kearney

My partner is still in love with her ex. For ten years she believed him to be the love of her life. It’s been two years since they split and there’s no possibility of them getting back together because he betrayed her in the most despicable possible way. It was the kind of betrayal that … Read More »

The post Good Working Order appeared first on Dan Savage.

Dan Savage ([syndicated profile] savagelove_feed) wrote2025-12-16 12:00 pm

When Subs Date Subs

Posted by Nancy Hartunian

A married woman and her husband agreed to open the marriage up, with clear rules and boundaries. Guess what! He flagrantly broke the rules. Now, she is considering sleeping with someone else as a form of revenge. Too toxic? A divorced woman is still very good friends with her husband. She’s so close with him, … Read More »

The post When Subs Date Subs appeared first on Dan Savage.

falena: Brienne and Arya from Game of Thrones, smiling (awesome women)
språkspion ([personal profile] falena) wrote2025-12-16 01:33 pm

Rec-cember Day 16: A Song of Ice And Fire /Game of Thrones

Surely no one needs an explainer on this fandom, right? If you do, google is your friend, I reckon.

The tv show ended the way it did (the less said, the better), and we will never see the book series completed; having got these two elephants in the room out of the way, let's concentrate on what drew me to this fictional world: medieval-England-like politics, fantasy, lots of intrigue, a sprawling cast of characters with endless permutations of shipping possibilities... ASoIaF/GoT really had a lot going for it. And I think this is why it attracted so many talented authors.

I've read extensively in this fandom, and if you had the patience to trawl through the sheer mass of fic posted, you were simply bound to find something to your taste. When it comes to single out the stories I enjoyed the most, I think I'm going to have to take two different approaches: the ship way (my favourite was, unsurprisingly, Jamie/Brienne, but I've read pretty much any pairing under the sun, lol) or the astounding-author way.

Let's start with the latter. I'm just going to list who my favourite authors are and give you a couple of recs for each of them, sure in the knowledge that whatever work of theirs you will read is pretty much awesome. I'll keep the shippy recs for another day. One last warning: something I found particularly satisfying in this fandom is AUs of the canon divergence kind, because changing one single fact and seeing how the consequences span out is extremely interesting in an intricate and politically fraught world as Westeros. So most of the stories I'm going to rec here fall under this category. Last but not the least, for me, this fandom is all about the women.

[archiveofourown.org profile] arbitrarily. My top pick: the joinery. 14K words. Cersei/Ned, Cersei/Jaime. by what right does the wolf judge the lion -- ned stark takes the iron throne, and with it, a lannister for a wife.

[archiveofourown.org profile] lareinenoire. My top picks: 1)Reap the Whirlwind. 6K. The circumstances under which Cersei Lannister finds herself Princess of Dragonstone are not the ones she anticipated.; 2)False Sorrow's Eye 18K. Elia Martell/Lyanna Stark. Two women survive Robert's Rebellion and everything changes.

[archiveofourown.org profile] Net_girl_y2k. She writes mostly femslash and it's ALL excellent. My top picks: 1)Had A Dream I Was The Queen (woke up, still the queen). 7K words. Rhaegar marries Lyanna Stark, and runs away with Elia Martell; 2) The Sisters BlackNight gathers, and now my watch begins. It shall not end until my death. I shall take no husband and bear no children. I shall wear no gowns and no jewels. I shall live and die at my post. I am the sword in the darkness. I am the watcher on the walls. I am the shield that guards the realms of men. I pledge my life's blood to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come. The Night's Watch is for women. Lyanna Stark survived and was forced to take the black. Arya decides to follow in her aunt's steps. Podfic available!

[archiveofourown.org profile] vixleonard. My top picks: 1) No Featherbed For me 154K. Arya Stark wanted to be a knight; she wanted to find glory and adventure with Needle in her hand. But that is not an appropriate life for a highborn lady, and that was all Arya of House Stark was allowed to be. This is the definitive Arya story. What an epic journey. 2) The Evening Star. 38K. Some day people will tell tale of Ashara Dayne, the tragic and beautiful sister of the great Ser Arthur Dayne, who flung herself from the Palestone Sword with a broken heart. They will whisper about the man who dishonored her at Harrenhal, the man who got a bastard on her. But they will never get the story right.

[archiveofourown.org profile] astolat. Keeping in mind I'll rec the shippy bits elsewhere, my top picks: 1)The Price of Bread and Salt 12K. “The girl asks for more deaths than she is owed. The Many-Faced God may grant it. But for this, there will be a price. And a man cannot say what the price will be. A girl must pay. A man must pay. A girl’s brother must pay, if he agrees.” Podfic available. 2)Royal Flush. Robb Stark had swept his entire hand of cards off the table, and Tyrion couldn’t see how to make a single play at all.

The Pitt

Compiling this rec list made me realize [archiveofourown.org profile] arbitrarily has written for The Pitt too and I didn't notice! So I went on a good ol' binge-reading and come offering this gem runner's high. 7K. Robby/McKay/Abbot threesome, woot. Jack joins a run club, Cassie’s raw-dogging a 10k, and Robby’s sweating. Can't believe I'd missed this.

spikedluv: (winter: mittens by raynedanser)
it only hurts when i breathe ([personal profile] spikedluv) wrote2025-12-16 07:31 am

The Day in Spikedluv (Monday, Dec 15)

Today is Sister A’s b-day! She’s the baby; 10-years younger than me.

I hit Walmart, Dollar Tree and Agway while I was downtown. Dollar Tree was for cards; Agway was for a gift card because I forgot Pip’s dad’s b-day! I was reminded at the Bear’s Dinner and I was like o_O I couldn’t believe I had forgotten it.

I visited mom, hand-washed dishes, cut up chicken for the dogs' meals, scooped kitty litter, and showered. I also mailed more cards at the post office, returned a book to the library, and hit the bank drive-thru. AND I shoveled the sidewalk again.

I watched Tracker and an HGTV program. Dr. Pol was my evening background tv.

Temps started out at 8.8(F) and reached 25.3. I’m not loving this cold.


Mom Update:

Mom was not doing great. more back here )
rydra_wong: Lee Miller photo showing two women wearing metal fire masks in England during WWII. (Default)
rydra_wong ([personal profile] rydra_wong) wrote2025-12-16 11:19 am
Entry tags:

So

... I just beat Ornstein and Smough.

For anyone who would like context -- Symbalily meets and gets to grips with O&S, from the timestamp: https://youtu.be/3TKhwbveyVE?si=14uuwYlVq1ywUwRk&t=5681
cimorene: Cartoon of 80s She-Ra with her sword (she-ra)
Cimorene ([personal profile] cimorene) wrote2025-12-16 01:07 pm
Entry tags:

Ominous music sting for the right shoulder

My right shoulder has been making itself felt with a very small uncomfortable pain since I finished the first triplet sweater last Thursday. (Or before.)

You may remember that last spring I knitted way too much and did Something to it. When I consulted the health center advice, it said that barring certain more severe symptoms, you should rest it and take painkillers and just give it time and that it could take three months to feel better. So I did, and it didn't keep hurting after that. So I haven't talked to a doctor about it.

And that's why I was trying SO HARD to not knit too much when I started knitting again last month. I tried to knit only a few hours a day, though I did get into hyperfocus and knit for five hours a couple times. A couple of weeks ago I hit upon the idea of making myself read one complete paperback book per day to constrain how much time I could spend knitting. I thought it was going pretty well, but just the last few days I noticed this minor discomfort... I hoped it would go away with a few days of rest. But I've kept free of knitting, sewing, and even drawing and writing for five days now, and taken paracetamol even though it's not really that painful, more like mild discomfort.

But it's still like this! I'm afraid to start knitting in case it sproings again! And I'm even worried that targeted stretches might make it worse instead of better!
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-12-16 06:12 am

(no subject)

Dear Prudence,

My sister and I are identical twins, but we grew up terrorizing each other. I was the girly girl, while she was on her way to a PhD in preschool. I had a learning disorder, and my sister would constantly correct people and say she wasn’t the ”stupid” one—I was.

My sister started the college track in ninth grade while I went to a middling school. Our parents did their best to treat us equally and celebrate our accomplishments, but you really can’t compare taking a beauty school test to getting a master’s at 21. I will admit I gave as good as I could get. If my sister were the smart one, I was the pretty one, which was stupid, as we were identical twins. I want to say we settled down and grew up to be close, but that would be a lie.

When I got married and was obsessed with all the details, our cousin jokingly called me a bridezilla, and my sister cut her off. She told her this was my big day, and it wasn’t like I accomplished anything else worth noting. This wasn’t the first or last time my sister said stuff like this. I have been married for 15 years and have two beautiful children. We used IVF and have a few embryos still left frozen.

My husband and I were debating whether to have a third child when my sister bulldozed in. She was ready to be a mom, had everything planned out, saved, and sorted, except her eggs weren’t viable. So the completely obvious solution was to give her our embryos!

We refused, and my sister threw a fit. I was apparently stealing her only chance to be a mother, and worse, my parents are on her side. They think that giving her the embryos costs us “nothing,” and we already have children, so I was denying my sister out of pure spite. I don’t know how I would feel if my sister bothered to ask rather than make a demand, but it was a demand and one that isn’t happening. My problem is that I am very afraid it might permanently poison my relationship with my parents. We were supposed to travel to their place for Christmas, but after all this, I am afraid to. Help!

—Twin Trouble


Read more... )
conuly: (Default)
conuly ([personal profile] conuly) wrote in [community profile] agonyaunt2025-12-16 06:02 am

(no subject)

Dear Care and Feeding,

When she was 8, we adopted “Alina.” She was the daughter of a close friend, and lost both her parents in an extra painful way. Understandably, she was in a lot of pain the first few years and needed extra parental support. But she worked hard in therapy, and we supported her, and at 15, she’s doing well. The problem is more with our other kids, her siblings. They love each other, but they are all convinced she needs extra care and protection all the time, when actually she’s ready to grow. She’s been pushing back at it, but I think it’s time for us to step in as parents. She says she needs room to mess up and have her own social life, and I think that’s fair.

A classmate asks Alina to the fall dance, and she accepts? Her 14-year-old brother steps in and tells him it will be a double date with him and his girlfriend. Alina dies of embarrassment. Our teens are going to swim at the public pool? Without Alina, they just go together. With Alina, her 16-year-old sister announces they must have an adult. This type of stuff seems to have ramped up since she started high school, and I don’t know how to dial it down. I’m glad her siblings love and support her, but they shouldn’t be taking on this extra role, and she’s also asked them to stop so she can learn on her own. We absolutely do not want to set up a weird dynamic between our kids, but it feels like it’s already started. I love that they look out for each other, but it needs to be appropriate. My husband and I had multiple conversations with the kids about this, but it only stops them from doing concrete examples we mention, not the overall behavior.

—Give Her Space


Read more... )
mizkit: (Default)
C.E. Murphy ([personal profile] mizkit) wrote2025-12-16 10:24 am
Entry tags:

Fic: How Sussie Got His Hat

I was trying to get up to 50K written in 2 weeks (for reasons, and I succeeded), but I didn't have enough brain to write my book, so I asked for fic prompts and someone suggested a Kpop Demon Hunters prompt of "How Sussie ended up with Derpy's hat" and I thought, I can do that!

In an ideal world, you would go read this over at my Patreon and become a member there if you're not already, but nobody's going to strike you down for reading it here. :)

Read more... )
china_shop: The popcorn scene from Guardian. :-) (Guardian - popcorn!)
The Gauche in the Machine ([personal profile] china_shop) wrote in [community profile] sid_guardian2025-12-16 10:42 pm

Some recent Guardian fanworks

All Guardian drama, no archive warnings apply. :-)

Title: The Mouse and the Dragon (1559 words) [General Audiences]
Characters: Guo Changcheng, Zhao Yunlan, Shen Wei
Additional Tags: Background pre-relationship Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan, Missing Scene, Episode 4, Guo Changcheng interrogates Shen Wei, zhao yunlan pov, Community: fan_flashworks, Prompt: Fish
Series: Part 1 of The rest of the SID team interrogate Shen Wei (episode 4)
Summary:

Zhao Yunlan watched Shen Wei closely. Could his unflappable demeanour survive Xiao-Guo’s naïve bluntness?


Title: Analysis and Verification (838 words) [General Audiences]
Characters: Lin Jing, Shen Wei, Wang Zheng
Additional Tags: Background pre-relationship Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan, Missing Scene, Episode 4, Lin Jing "interrogates" Shen Wei, Wang Zheng too
Series: Part 3 of The rest of the SID team interrogate Shen Wei (episode 4)
Summary:

Lin Jing stuffed his dark-energy detector into his pocket and arranged his sweatshirt to cover it as he headed next door. When he passed the boss in the hallway, they exchanged nods, and then Lin Jing was leaning into the interview room. “Professor Shen, I’ll see you out.”


Title: not close enough (300 words) [General Audiences]
Relationships: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Additional Tags: Flirting, Timeloop feels, Episode Related, Episode 6, Yearning, Triple Drabble
Summary:

Zhao Yunlan is across from him, slouching forward with sleeves pushed up, making inroads into Shen Wei’s space.


Title: Sartorial Evidence (550 words) [General Audiences]
Relationships: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Characters: Shen Wei, Shen Wei's clothes
Additional Tags: Episode Related, Episode 4, Dixing Powers, Clothing, Shen Wei POV, UST, Zhao Yunlan touches Shen Wei A LOT, Community: fan_flashworks, Prompt: First Aid
Summary:

The morning after he’s found at a crime scene and taken to the SID to be interviewed, Shen Wei opens his armoire and—stops.


Title: Crudité (4183 words) [Mature]
Relationships: Shen Wei/Zhao Yunlan
Additional Tags: Episode 22, Post-Blindness Arc, Missing Scene, Porn Without Plot, First Time, vegetable sex, Oral Fixation, Non-Penetrative Sex, Unorthodox Seduction Techniques
Summary:

As the clatter of food preparation starts up in the kitchen, Zhao Yunlan folds his arms behind his head. Just how unambiguous does he need to be to override Shen Wei’s reservations? What will it take to get them what he knows they both want? If he’s as weird and over-the-top as his apartment, will that turn Shen Wei on or turn him off?


Title: Hard at work [General Audiences]
Relationships: Da Qing & Zhao Yunlan
Additional Tags: Beginner Art, This is how Zhao Yunlan runs the SID, Ably assisted by his deputy, Episode 2, Fanart, Community: fan_flashworks, Prompt: Boss
Summary: Coloured pencil & ink sketch of Zhao Yunlan lying on the SID couch with cat Da Qing on the table next to him.


Title: The Gondolier of Dixing [General Audiences]
Characters: Chu Shuzhi
Notes: Beginner art (colour pencil, ink, a little digital messing about).
Summary: What if Dixing were flooded and became a city of canals?
icon_uk: (Mod Hat Christmas)
icon_uk ([personal profile] icon_uk) wrote in [community profile] scans_daily2025-12-16 08:33 am

Mod Post: Off-Topic Tuesday

In the comments to these weekly posts (and only these posts), it's your chance to go as off topic as you like.

Talk about non-comics stuff, thread derail, and just generally chat among yourselves.

The intent of these posts is to chat and have some fun and, sure, vent a little as required. Reasoned debate is fine, as always, but if you have to ask if something is going over the line, think carefully before posting please.

Normal board rules about conduct and behaviour still apply, of course.

It's been suggested that, if discussing spoilers for recent media events, it might be advisable to consider using the rot13 method to prevent other members seeing spoilers in passing.

The world situation is the world situation. If you're following the news, you know it as much as I do, if you're not, then there are better sources than scans_daily. But please, no doomscrolling, for your own sake.

A Happy Hannukah to those who celebrate it. Given recent events in Australia it may not seem like a time to celebrate anything, but that is perhaps the time we most need to.

Dick Van Dyke celebrated his 100th birthday, so a happy Centenary to him!

However, we lost Rob Reiner, creative genius behind too many memorable films to start to mention (Oh, the hell with it: The Princess Bride, Spinal Tap, When Harry Met Sally, Misery, The Sure Thing, A Few Good Men and Stand by Me, amongst others) and his wife Michele.

(I did not think my opinion of the current US President could sink any lower, but his social media post on the Reiner killer was so lacking in sympathy, good taste or even basic human decency that I initially assumed it had to be a fake because no one could be THAT toxically graceless, alas, it was real)

In contrast, today is the 250th anniversary of Jane Austen's birth today so let us acknowledge one of literature's most brilliant and witty wordsmiths.

In slightly lowerbrow news, I found out that season 2 of "LEGO Star Wars: Rebuild the Galaxy" had already come out, and caught up on that because I know I needed something to make me smile, which it achieved.
halfshellvenus: (Default)
halfshellvenus ([personal profile] halfshellvenus) wrote2025-12-16 12:42 am

LJ Idol Wheel of Chaos: "Childhood Treasures"

Childhood Treasures
Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 17, #3 | 1424 words
6 7

x-x-x-x-x

It was never a time capsule, no matter what Bobby Lockerby said. It was a memory-box, where Jake kept souvenirs and other special things.

Jake was 6, almost 7, when he started collecting those things. It all started with a pretty little red rock he found down by the creek one day.
.
There was a four-leaf clover, dried and flattened, and the ticket stubs from the first ballgame Jake ever went to with his Dad. There was a trilobite fossil, a squashed souvenir penny from a trip to Disney World when Jake was eight, and a Kingfisher feather as blue as the sky.

Jake kept all of them in a metal Superman lunchbox in his closet, with Jake's–Keep Out! written on the top. The note was mainly for Jake's younger brother Eddie, who had no respect for privacy. Mom said it was because Eddie was only five, but all Jake knew was that he didn't want some little pipsqueak pawing through his stuff.

It was a miracle Jake ever had time to find any of the cool stuff he did. It seemed like Eddie was always there, following him everywhere he went: "Whatcha doing?"

Sometimes, Jake just wanted to explore quietly on his own. You saw more of what went on that way– animals weren't so afraid of you, and nobody was there to distract you. A little brother with non-stop talking was just about the biggest distraction there was.

And when he wasn't out exploring, Jake would rather be playing with Bobby Lockerby or one of his other friends.

"Mommmmm," Jake would moan. "Why can't Eddie go bother someone else?"Read more... )

If you enjoyed this story, please vote for my Portfolio here!

halfshellvenus: (Default)
halfshellvenus ([personal profile] halfshellvenus) wrote2025-12-16 12:27 am

LJ Idol Wheel of Chaos: "Letter to xeena"

Idol Wheel of Chaos | Week 17, #2
Letter to a past participant

x-x-x-x-x

Dearest xeena,

I've always enjoyed your writing, starting with when you were in Idol at Live Journal through being [personal profile] xeena now at Dreamwidth. You brought quality storytelling to Idol every single week, and not many can say that!

But these last two seasons have been stellar.

I love your quiet, often ethereal style, so effective for the spooky tales you love so much and just as evocative for dramatic and non-fiction entries. The language is gorgeous, the flow is smooth, and the content always makes me think.

This season featured the dark, stark Week 9 story about a suicidal woman who has lived a violent, hopeless life and who decides to burn the world down with her. Her fatigue and recklessness are palpable, and her behavior shockingly nihilistic. I think this is an immensely strong piece, and a risky one, and you pushed through and did it.

There was also the soulful Week 4 entry about the sentient house. The things it has seen, the memories it keeps, and the renewed life it yearns to hold within it once more! This was poetic and unexpected. Just lovely.

But my favorite—one of my favorite entries of yours of all time—was the Week 5 Blair Witch Style Idol Meta. The script format was ingenious and fresh. The dialogue sounded so much like what I and other Idol contestants would say that I went back to check the Wheelhouse comments to see if I actually HAD said exactly that. But best of all, it was humor, which is a flavor we don't often see from you—AND satire, AND meta.

You showed us you could truly do it all.

I'm just sorry that one of the twists this season took you out early. This felt like your season to win, but there were people determined to keep that from happening. When week after week of being poisoned (but also earning the antidote) couldn't take you out, the directed Elimination vote created the circumstances they sought.

It still seems unfair, even though we all signed up for a season with built-in chaos.

But I hope you know that, to me, you will always be a winner!


pensnest: Colin Firth as Mr Darcy represented as a portrait in an ornate oval frame (Mr Darcy)
pensnest ([personal profile] pensnest) wrote2025-12-16 08:14 am

i should be over it now i know

Watching 'Madam Secretary' yesterday, one of the episodes had a 'think of all the things you hated about your ex' moment, and one of those things was that the ex cut his toenails into the sink.

I'm baffled... why was it heinous to cut one's toenails into the sink? Fastidious Americans, please explain!
silveradept: A dragon librarian, wearing a floral print shirt and pince-nez glasses, carrying a book in the left paw. Red and white. (Dragon Librarian)
Silver Adept ([personal profile] silveradept) wrote2025-12-15 11:46 pm

December Days 02025 #15: Chalk Mark

It's December Days time again. This year, I have decided that I'm going to talk about skills and applications thereof, if for no other reason than because I am prone to both the fixed mindset and the downplaying of any skills that I might have obtained as not "real" skills because they do not fit some form of ideal.

15: Chalk Mark

Comments to earlier entries in the series, and many of the other times that I talk about my (lack of) technical skills or l33t coding ability, and with regard to cooking by recipe, as well, have pushed back on the still persistent conception I have that recipe following is not doing the thing, and that there is no great skill in executing someone else's code to create something that works (or something delicious.)

Thank you for doing so. I know it is a weasel-thought, and yet I have trouble keeping it away from myself. I cannot see what it looks like from the outside, only from the inside. I know all the things that I have at my disposal, and I have used them enough that they no longer appear to be special to me.

A regular part of my job is troubleshooting. Most of it is what I would consider the simple stuff, where I have seen the error message sufficient numbers of times to know what the likely process should be to fix the problem, or it's clear that someone has gone astray from the established process and needs to be guided back to the way that will work, or to be taught the thing that they actually want, instead of the thing they said they wanted, when it becomes clear the thing they said they wanted was not actually what they wanted. As I have said before, a large amount of the training I have as an information professional is not extensive knowledge of the specifics of any one implementation, but a good dose of the general concepts behind them, and a confidence that when encountering a specific situation, that general knowledge will be enough to get to a specific solution. Or at least enough key phrases to toss into a search engine and read a good candidate page for the specifics of how to get something done. It makes me seem like I know much more about what I'm doing than I actually do. And knowing that there's the undo command available in most places means experimentation is much more possible than if it were not. I still sometimes have to work through people's anxiety or anger about the machine and what it will do to their material, but for the most part, I can get people to click and/or type in the places I would like them to so they get the desired result that we're both looking for.

If I can't actually succeed at getting something to work, I try to send along as detailed of bug reports as I can when there are inevitably tickets filed for things that are out of my control or I need to call in the people with the specialized skill set and knowledge base to fix things. (Learning how to file a good ticket is something I wish they taught everyone who works in libraries, and plenty of other places, too. It makes everyone's job easier when they have a handle of what the issue is, or when there's information in error messages being conveyed to help zero in on the problem.)

However, because I can manage to obtain and wield knowledge at an quick rate for helping people, I've also developed a little bit of a reputation for being good with machines, or manifesting beneficial supernatural auras around them, or being able to work through what the problem is that we're facing and find a solution to it. So I sometimes get or find on my own some of the more esoteric issues that show up. And sometimes I get to laugh my ass off when the solution presents itself. Observe:

The problem: Someone couldn't get to Google after signing in to the library's computer. That's not usually a thing, because, well, Google. So I observe the attempt and get to read the error message.

The error message: "Tunnel connection failed."

Hrm. While I'm not an expert in networking, running a quick search on that error message has the results come back and suggest there's something gone wrong with a proxy of some sort. Let's see if we can figure out what's going on here.

  • First check: we're not having a widespread network outage. Other computers are still going fine, so that's not the case.

  • Second check: Yep, all the cabling is plugged in at both ends, so that's not it.

  • Third check: Do websites other than Google load? Yes, they do, so the problem is not that all connections are being denied by whatever the proxy error is, just the one to Google. (Or to Google and some unknown number of other websites.)

  • Fourth check: Is it just this machine that's having trouble getting to Google?

    I grab the next public computer over, and check the following:
    • Can I get to Google if I use the secret superuser login? Yes.

    • Can I get to Google using my own library card and selecting the "unfiltered" Internet access option? Yes.

    • Can I get to Google using my own library card and selecting the "filtered" Internet access option?

      Nope! And the error message that I get back matches the error message I first saw when I started investigating.


We have a winner! Now I have an idea of what happened, and what the proxy server was that caused the problem.

So I ask what setting the user chose when logging in. The user confirms to me that they chose the "filtered" option when logging in. So I had to explain that to get to Google at this particular moment in time, they'd have to log out and choose the other option from whatever they chose this time around. The user might have been embarrassed about this happening to them. I wonder if they thought that engaging the filters would make them less likely to receive advertisements or spam or other kinds of things like that, and especially on topics they might not be interested in. Sadly, that's not the case, and while I have lobbied regularly to have proper extensions installed on the public machines that will do most of that malvertising and ad-blocking as a default, IT has not yet seen fit to include it in their deployment. (And they also have settled on Edge and Chrome as the browsers we offer, and Chrome nerfed the effective ad-blockers earlier this year because Alphabet is fundamentally an ad company that has some other software tools they offer.)

[Diversion: I don't particularly like filtering software. I think it causes more problems than it solves, and frankly, I would rather we didn't have to deal with it at all, but Congress, in their lack of wisdom, decided to tie federal e-rate discounts and funding to ensuring we have "technology prevention measures" in place to prevent the minors from looking at age-restricted material in the Children's Internet Protection Act (CIPA). CIPA should qualify as a four-letter word in my profession. So, to actually provide services for our users at a rate that will not be disastrous, we have to implement the filters, since that's the easiest way of ensuring compliance with the law.

The other problem I have with filters is that they tend to be things created with the idea of a parent that wants no information about the world outside to make it to their child's computer as their primary customer and who they set the defaults for. This almost always results in over-filtering, because the defaults are tuned to the parent that wants no pornography, and also no sexualities other than straight, and no gender identities other than cis, and no way of communicating with the outside world, and so forth. And the people most affected by this, our kids and teenagers, are the ones who are least likely to tell a library staff person, "Hey, this site is informative and not explicit, and yet you have blocked it with your filters. Please unblock it." Because that creates the possibility of a paper trail. The kids are more likely to find some method of circumventing the filters entirely rather than asking for them to be more appropriately tuned.]

I am not trying to show that I am having a right and proper laugh that our filtering software is now blocking Google, even on Google's own browser, because that could be interpreted as laughing at the plight or embarrassment of the user, and that's not acceptable behavior. But I do go and file a ticket about the fact that the filters are apparently now blocking Google, and we should probably fix that, since our landing page for public machines points at GMail as one of its major outbound links. Turns out things were going rather haywire with the filters in their entirety, and the whole thing needed to be wrestled back into the intended effects instead of what had happened to all of us, according to the ticket update. I can imagine how many other users were particularly nonplussed about this as well. And I wonder how many of our under-17 users, the ones who have filters automatically chosen for them, had a time with filters gone off the rails.

At the end of the story, even at the time it was happening to me, I also must once again grudgingly admit that I am a computer toucher who sometimes can solve problems as if I had magic. This is because of long experience in knowing where to put the chalk mark so that someone else can wallop it with a mallet later. (As the joke goes, an engineer is called in to fix a piece of malfunctioning machinery. He examines it, draws an X on a particular part of the machine, and then smacks it, bringing the machine back to full functionality. Later, the company receives a bill for $5000, an absurd amount of money, and demands the engineer itemize the expenses. He does so: "Chalk: $1. Knowing where to put it: $4,999.")

To drive the point home that week, a few days later, I had another instance of supposed computer magic. Someone was having trouble finding a thing they were sure they had saved to a personal OneDrive account they had signed into.

I could see the save on the local storage of the computer, and the folders that were on the signed-in OneDrive, but the file on the signed-in drive was not present.

  • Check one: "Would you save the file again, so I can see what's happening?"


After watching them go through the process of how they were saving, I realized that the shortcut in the saving menu, despite saying "OneDrive," and Microsoft Word assuring the user they were signed into OneDrive correctly, was diverting itself to the OneDrive that would be associated with the Windows account on the computer itself. Instead of the signed-into personal OneDrive, the "OneDrive" shortcut in Word was for our Windows account used to sign in to the machine and run the program for user control through library cards and guest passes.

Cue massive eyeroll from me, and perhaps a choice comment about how computers are remarkably stupid, because they do what we tell them to do, and sometimes because they make assumptions and have defaults that are not correct. If this weren't in a user-facing context, I might have peppered my response with a few four-letter words of my own.

Now that I had an idea of what was going on, I could explaining what was happening to the user, and from there, assist them through the save menus to get to the correct and proper OneDrive folder. Lo, and behold, the file promptly appeared after Word had been told where the correct path to save to. We made sure that the recently-saved document could be opened again, with the changes properly inserted, and, with the remaining time available to the session (I didn't mention it until now, but this was working under time pressure, both because an assignment was due and because the library computers were about to shut doen and restart, no time extensions possible.), figured out how to get a different document properly into edit mode so it could be then changed, saved, and uploaded for an assignment. The second upload happened with about 90 seconds left on the computer session, so you can probably also append a certain amount of "does excellent computer touching and calm instruction under pressure" to my skill list. (There have been more than a few times where I'm being called in at the last minute or something close to it and I have to manage to both create the save and get it off the local machine into something more permanent before the session expires. This is not fun, but I have several successes at this, including directing people through the process while they're panicking about losing all their work.)

I think of these things as something that any information worker could do, if they had the same knowledge base as I do to draw from. I may be faster at it, and possibly able to detect and error correct from a wider range of possibilities due to my experience at what commonly shows up in these situations, but, as with most of the things that I do and get paid for, I maintain that it is not rocket science, computer science, or magic. And, because it's not something like having to learn to program in a language, or to diagnose and fix things like the workings of a passenger vehicle, or to do whatever the hell it is that Chocolate Guy is up to right now, all of which seem to require a specialized body of knowledge and a large experience base, I think of it as easier to pick up, comparatively. I suspect a fair number of you, a strong amount of my coworkers, and a great number of my users that I have pulled through a potential panic situation, would strenuously object to the idea of it being "easier," even with me accounting for the amount of practice that I have at making things look easier than they actually are. As I mentioned at the top of the post, I see from backstage, rather than from the audience, and therefore I am very likely to need irrefutable proof that "no…no—no, that is not the kind of thing that anyone can just pull out of their hat on a moment's notice!" Supposedly, a grandparent on one side was reputed to have the lack of skill at cooking to burn water, so the ability to follow recipe is a significant improvement there.

And while I'm bashing my head against a computer problem for a game at this point and feeling very foolish about my inability to explain to a computer what's intuitive to me as a human, I have to remember that everything that I've accomplished so far is still pretty cool, even if it's not optimized, golfed, or doing things the "right" way all the time.

(It's a real pain in the ass, and the people who have been helping me with other problems freely admit it's a pain in the ass, because it's trying to do something with incomplete and possibly fuzzy information. I have to figure out how to get a computer to perform a sum of the values at particular indices of an array, and then, when that solution inevitably turns out to be wrong, to move one of the indicies up or down one and run the sum again, and if that doesn't work, to do it again until the correct sum is reached. The potential problem space is too large to brute-force efficiently, and there are imprecise hints about where to plant your initial guess and make small adjustments from.

Once I can get the computer to do the adjustments until it reaches a solution, I have to figure out how, when the values of the problem space change due to other actions, to recalculate the sum based on the index pair that I already know is right, because that shouldn't change over the course of an attempted solve, even if the imprecise hints do change, because while the indices of the hints haven't changed, the values those indices refer to have, and so the correct solution has changed as well.)

So we all have our strengths and weaknesses, and our specialized body of knowledge to apply to any given situation. I will marvel at your skills from the audience, while I shrug at my own, since I see and use them so much. I see chalk marks as the thing I'm doing, and the thing that people ascribe value to, and not necessarily knowing where to put them.
spamsink: (Default)
spamsink ([personal profile] spamsink) wrote2025-12-15 11:32 pm
Entry tags:

Ретрокомпьютерный юмор

На тематическом ретрокомпьютерном форуме обсуждают поддержку MS-DOS-ом моделей первых лаптопов, совместимых с IBM PC Convertible, в частности Компаковского "K09", относительно режима suspend/resume. В частности, упоминается комментарий в файле MSINIT.ASM

;will take care of BDSM tables and AT ROM Fix module thru K09 suspend/resume 


В комментариях:

  • Пользователь1: Спрашиваю для друга, что такое таблицы BDSM?
  • Пользователь2: @Пользователь1 Структура данных блоков для мини-диска. В списке прерываний и FreeDOS эти структуры называются DDT, в DR-DOS — UDSC, а в lDOS — UPB. Мини-диски также известны как расширенные и логические разделы.
  • Пользователь3: @Пользователь1 Другая аббревиатура BDSM, на которую вы, кажется, намекаете, согласно Википедии, появилась только в 1991 году. Так что нет, в 1987 году эти четыре символа были совершенно безобидны...

original )
Датировка источников всякая важна.