Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-can-i-ask-my-coworkers-to-tell-me-to-shut-up-when-im-talking-too-much.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34708

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer wondering if they could ask their coworkers to tell them to shut up when they were talking too much? Here’s the update.

I was the person who wrote in a moment of desperation trying to figure out how to stop myself from endlessly talking with/at coworkers and posed the idea of having a button made to tell people to tell me to hush (you know it was bad times when that sounded like a good idea).

Warning for context to anyone who goes back and reads the original post, my original letter was written on a really bad day during one of our peak busy times so I was writing from a more desperate / stressed / frustrated / burned out place and ended up asking the wrong thing (asked how to make a very poorly thought-out solution work rather than asking for better ideas).

The actual update. I appreciated the comments on both sides, especially those who got at what I was really needing over what I asked and gave not insane ideas/suggestions. It was nice to feel the support and be reminded that ADHD is indeed a disability, not shameful personal failings (as long as you are honestly putting in effort to do better). But it was also good to see more critical perspectives as a reminder that disability/struggles do not reduce your personal responsibility to manage yourself and perceptions are still a thing.

One of the biggest ideas from the comments that has helped was breaking down and getting the smart watch I had been avoiding. I got a super cheap $20 one without all the bells and whistles and thus none of the extra distractions I was worried about. It has hourly movement reminders and I set “Whatcha dooin’ “alarms to go off every half hour during the workdays so I do not have to fiddle with setting timers, unexpected conversations, or misjudging how long a conversation will need to be. The alarm also has the option for up to three five-minute snoozes so I can start wrapping up or set up the back up timer. So far, it really seems to be working well and also helps pull me back when I need to move on from other things.

Added bonus: if I am at my desk when it goes off, I drink some water so have been well hydrated.

I also have been doing a variation of the water bottle idea by trying to carry my eInk tablet or something I have to carry, but is not satisfying to fiddle with if I know I am going to talk to someone. I can use it to jot something down or check existing notes, but I get annoyed not being able to use my hands so it reminds me to move on or, if things are heading to something bigger, cutting things off and suggesting a meeting with the relevant people.

If it is near lunch or the end of day, I have also taken to using my cats as a politer exit. I got a new kitten so try to not be out too long since he is relegated to a single room by himself until he clears an infection and his sister learns to not orange cat smack at the gate when he looks at her or tries to bring her toys. Realize a conversation is running too long, but otherwise would feel too rude to end? “Sorry, Adrikins will be starting to get fussy if I do not get home soon and I do not want to torture my neighbor.”

Are things magically perfect now and I never talk too much? Absolutely not, but catching myself two of five times is still better than it was so I will take it because clearly, I cannot keep anything concise lol.

Cat tax:

The post update: can I ask my coworkers to tell me to shut up when I’m talking too much? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-can-i-ask-my-coworkers-to-tell-me-to-shut-up-when-im-talking-too-much.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34708

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-managing-a-team-that-resists-any-change-and-complains-constantly.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34684

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer in HR who had recently brought in a new manager, Barbara, to manage a team that was resisting any change and complained constantly? Here’s the update.

First, Barbara is no longer with our organization. Due to some troubling behavior that was witnessed by multiple people (myself included), and given the nature of Barbara’s actions during her short time with us, we all felt this just wasn’t a good culture fit and parted ways.

Since then, we’ve brought in a new manager who has taken the team by storm in all the good ways! We did sit the team down after Barbara’s departure and talk through some of the issues we had noticed, and after digging deeper, it seems a lot of the pushback was due more in part to Barbara’s management style, which was such a radically different style than what the team needed. We even uncovered some additional troubling interactions between Barbara and some of our vendors and customers, which has really opened our eyes to the real problem actually being Barbara all along, unfortunately.

During that sit-down, however, we did still talk about things that the team needed to be open to with any manager that they get, and they all seemed very receptive to it. Quite frankly, the issues they’d brought up with both of their previous managers really just stemmed from inadequacies on the managers’ parts that we couldn’t see from the upper management point of view (and the team was unsure of how to voice it and/or too nervous to bring it up to upper management), and so we are making some changes on our end to make sure this doesn’t happen again!

All that said, the new manager we brought in is just as much of a go-getter, but more of a team player and collaborator than Barbara was, which is exactly what this team needed! Barbara was the “it’s my way or the highway” type with no input really being allowed from her staff, whereas the new manager (let’s call her Sara) has taken the time to see how things are done first before making recommendations for any changes, and bases a lot of her decisions on what the team feels would be beneficial (within reason). As far as the team wanting other departments to do things that are clearly in the title of their department goes? Seems to be a non-issue now! Sara has really lit the fire under everyone on the team and re-invigorated the necessity of them to provide these services, and leads with encouragement and collaboration instead of an iron fist masked by kind demeanor and surface-level gratitude for perception‘s sake.

All seems to be smooth sailing for now! We are so grateful to have found Sara after everything this team has been through over the last few years! There’s still been a few hiccups as there usually are, but everyone’s really finding their stride!

The post update: managing a team that resists any change and complains constantly appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-managing-a-team-that-resists-any-change-and-complains-constantly.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34684