Reading

In praise of stealing from thieves

Posted by growabrain

https://www.metafilter.com/211317/In-praise-of-stealing-from-thieves

"Every pirate streaming site has the same problem: 47 pop-ups, crypto miners turning your laptop into a space heater, fake buttons designed by Satan's UX team, and a player that makes you question your life choices. Everyone assumes this exploitation is necessary for "free" content. It's not. I spent 5 months proving it by reverse engineering the actual protection systems these sites use. My sleep schedule may never recover, but at least I have data."

Flyx: An Empirical Study in Stealing from Thieves While Maintaining Moral Superiority.. I discovered it on r/PiracyBsckup. I have not tested it yet. But I'm all for piracy, and I watch all my media on similar "free" streamers (cataz, m4uhd, ok.ru, etc., which, with ad-blocking are completely serviceable). Some people are protective of the streaming oligarchs's right to exploit the public. Not me. YMMV.

https://www.metafilter.com/211317/In-praise-of-stealing-from-thieves

Current Mood: busy

Entry tags:

followfriday

Follow Friday 12-5-25

Got any Follow Friday-related posts to share this week? Comment here with the link(s).

Here's the plan: every Friday, let's recommend some people and/or communities to follow on Dreamwidth. That's it. No complicated rules, no "pass this on to 7.328 friends or your cat will die".

Some statements remain potent, no matter how many times we use them

Posted by chavenet

https://www.metafilter.com/211316/Some-statements-remain-potent-no-matter-how-many-times-we-use-them

What's more, the further up the ladder I climbed, the more money I was paid, and the more I got used to the lifestyle that came with it. The door to my dreams of being a Capital-W Writer was closing, and I was becoming less and less inclined to attempt a squeeze-through. I realised this when I was at a house party speaking to a Dutch woman who had studied climate science but now worked for an oil company. She'd gone in with the idea that she'd change the industry, for the better, from within. Instead, she found herself jaded and unable to do anything about much at all. Plus, she liked the company car and the salad bar and free gym subscription too much to give it all up. She was in 'the gold-plated prison', as she told me it was phrased in Dutch. Fuck. I was in the gold-plated prison, too. from In Defence of Cliché [Sydney Review of Books]

https://www.metafilter.com/211316/Some-statements-remain-potent-no-matter-how-many-times-we-use-them

Marguerite Porete was a beguine.

Posted by kliuless

https://www.metafilter.com/211315/Marguerite-Porete-was-a-beguine

Janet Rich Edwards on Marguerite Porete and the Power of Unconventional Faith - "In the Middle Ages, a woman had two choices: marriage or the convent. Faced with these meager options, women began to form their own communities. At first, beguinages were scattered households of women. Later, 'court beguinages' held hundreds, even thousands, of residents. By the close of the 13th century, there were almost a million beguines in Europe."[1] (previously)

Beguines committed to live in simplicity, chastity, and charity, as long as they remained in the beguinage. They were free to leave at any time. Their pledges to each other have the ring of religious vows, with one big difference: beguines didn't vow obedience. They refused the rule of the Church. I loved them immediately. Here was the religious resistance. As you can imagine, the Church was very nervous about these ungoverned women. They read, they wrote, they taught, and some of them even preached on street corners, which was forbidden to women. It's suggested that a few dabbled in illegal translations of scripture from the Latin to local vernacular, a practice frowned upon (to put it mildly) by the Pope. These were medieval women forging their own way, taking risks, creating nonconformist communities. It made sense that Marguerite, with her impolitic and forthright Mirror, was a beguine. They were known for their mystical leanings and for dancing in church. Beguines existed on the edge of papal approval until, in 1311, the year after Marguerite died, Pope Clement V declared them heretics. And yet, like The Mirror of Simple Souls[2], they survived. The last beguine, Marcella Pattyn, died in 2013. She played the banjo for the sick. In their joy and courage, in their insistence on faith even as they defied the Church, the beguines were inspiring. They showed me what I was missing. Community. I wasn't yet ready to join one, but maybe I could write one.

The Beguines - "Adult women during the Middle Ages were expected to live under the guardianship of a man, either within the household as a wife and mother, or dedicated to the Church and living in a convent as a nun. The Beguines questioned this concept and lived outside of these set boundaries. Women who entered Beguinages (Beguine houses and/or convents) were not bound by permanent vows, in contrast to women who entered convents. They could enter Beguinages having already been married and they could leave the Beguinages to marry. Some women even entered the Beguinages with children. Their piety was centered around the eucharist and the humanity of Jesus. Their origin is debated, but around 1150 C.E. groups of women, eventually called Beguines, began living together for the purposes of economic self-sufficiency and a religious vocation."
The Birds and the Beguines - "The beguines refused to live as though marriage or monastery were the only places of purpose and belonging for women."

As much as they dared, by which I also mean served, they built and managed small cities themselves, and thus stand to be counted among history's civic, even political, housekeepers as well, despite lacking much of an archive, despite being considered external to the structures of the polis.

The Beguines of Medieval Europe: Mystics and Visionaries - "The Beguine movement grew from the work of Mary of Oignies (1177-1213) a native of Belgium. She was drawn to the ideals of service to others and voluntary poverty, the attraction so strong that she renounced her marriage, gave away all her possessions, and worked for a time in a leper colony. Others were drawn to her; thus, the birth of the beguine 'community.'"
Unlike religious orders of the day who answered to church hierarchy, beguines were not subject to clerical oversight nor did they follow an established ecclesiastical rule. These women did not live in convents, but while some chose to remain in their own homes or in the homes of relatives, most were housed in beguinages or 'God Houses,' (Gotzhaus) self-sufficient clusters of individual houses surrounding a central courtyard (Harrington, 2018).
Being Beguine - "The Beguines thrived during the dark and middle ages. They were focused on helping the women. Their methods and order and spirituality drew women of all classes. They built housing and many devoted their lives to the enclaves and when they died, left their wealth to the enclave so more unfortunates could be brought in, taught a trade, put to work, given honorable lives. They didn't live in the same house, but clustered their homes. They owned businesses and houses, grew their own food and hemp and made clothing for themselves and to sell. They made medicines for themselves and to sell. They made jobs. That was their mission. That is ours."[3]

Right now, this planet has a lot in common with the dark ages. Just like back then, women and children suffer the brunt of the poverty stick. Just like back then, there is a certain hopelessness that sickens the spirit, when people cannot have gainful employment. There is a malaise that happens when the deck is stacked against you – born poor, die poor. We are reliving that again. I call it the castle syndrome. But we, the descendants of the Beguines, intend to occupy the castle and bring reform to it, as we know our ancient mothers did.

The return of the Beguine - "The Beguine have returned. Today, they are scattered throughout the world and reliving the sororal and community experience that characterised the movement at its beginnings in the Middle Ages. In Saint-Martin-Du-Lac (France), lay and consecrated people have formed a monastic community dedicated to helping the needy. In the Roman suburb of Tor Bella Monaca (Italy), a group of former nuns is engaged in the recovery of families entangled in drugs and social distress. In the United States, the Companions of Claire, led by a woman who once belonged to the order of the Poor Clares, help farmers do business locally."[4]

These people are Christians who, like the historical Beguines, choose the freedom of experiencing faith without the need to take vows. Women who are no longer young, who make concrete the need to interweave a sisterhood and for this reason they live under the same roof, and are united by the living mission of a social commitment. A commitment that is also feminist, such as the new German Beguines in Essen who promote help for the sick, or the French Beguines in Montreuil who are united in a community that is also a retirement home where Christian spirituality is ecumenical and shared.

These examples flourish, quietly, and reawaken interest in the Beguines who were never an order and never had a rule or foundress, although they took the vows of chastity, obedience and poverty. They were anarchic but never heretical, the Beguines began to appear in 1200 in Flanders and the Netherlands and then spread to Germany, France, Switzerland and Italy where they took on different names according to the different places: humiliate, papelarde, mulieres religiosae, devotae. They neither got married nor became nuns; they were the first case in history of a women's movement freed from male domination, as Silvana Panciera recalls in her Le Beghine [Beguines]. Una storia di donne per la libertà [A Women's Story of Freedom], which Gabrielli has republished after 10 years in a new revised and expanded edition, with a preface by the scholar of speculative mysticism Marco Vannini.

Herb-workers and Heretics: The Beguines An Overview of the Beguine Movement - "In conclusion, one sees that in Belgium, the Netherlands, Germany, France, Italy, Spain, and Sicily, the Beguine movement touched the lives of thousands of women from all classes of society. Its history is intimately connected with the rise of medieval industry, health care, and the education of women throughout Europe. By the end of the fifteenth century, after the destruction of the movement, the Beguine life style no longer was viewed as an acceptable alternative. Women could no longer live together freely for mutual support without being suspected of evil doing. After hundreds of years of persecution and suspicion of heresy, any unattached woman, young or old, who appeared to espouse the Beguine life style, was looked upon as a menacing being, almost as if she were a 'witch.' In the smaller towns, the populace often arbitrarily burned Beguines and women appearing to be Beguines, without waiting for the arrival of the Inquisition, such was their fear and antipathy toward them."[5]

https://www.metafilter.com/211315/Marguerite-Porete-was-a-beguine

Galaxies in the Furnace

https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap251204.html

An example of violence on a cosmic scale, enormous

https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap251204.html

my office has a wall of shame, coworker gets angry when we chew, and more

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/my-office-has-a-wall-of-shame-coworker-gets-angry-when-we-chew-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33494

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. My office has a wall of shame with the names of people who are late or out sick

My workplace has recently instituted a “wall of shame,” where the names of everyone who called in sick or was tardy are posted above the computer where employees clock in. The rumor mill has it that this is supposed to help us with our “accountability,” although no announcement has been made on the matter – it just appeared one day. My managers have some problems, but are generally pretty reasonable people when I approach them. How can I suggest this public shaming is a Really Stupid Idea without coming across like a whiner? (If it makes a difference in your answer, I’m never late myself. Also, perhaps shockingly, this isn’t a call center!)

A wall of shame is a stupid idea on its own, but including people who call in sick? What exactly are they being shamed for? Being sick? (This is even more outrageous if they’re using company-provided sick time, since people shouldn’t be shamed for using a benefit that’s part of their compensation package.)

Since no one has announced or explained it, why not ask about it? As in, “Can you explain what this list is about?” And then if it is indeed what it sounds like, ask, “Why are people being listed there for being sick?” … which should lead you to, “Is it possible to rethink whether this is the right approach? It signals that every unplanned absence or lateness is an incident of wrongdoing, when that’s not the case.. If someone has reliability problems, I’d hope it would be taken up with them directly, rather than everyone feeling that any instance is considered a problem.”

– 2014

2. Shirt sizes for conferences

I’m being positioned as something of a thought leader in our teapot supplier’s niche market — speaking at conferences, consulting for their clients, etc. This is good experience for me, and good business for my company.

The problem? At an annual conference, we were provided shirts by the vendor to identify ourselves as teapot experts. I am a size 0, and despite providing my size in advance, I was given a men’s small. I looked like a kid who had borrowed dad’s clothes, particularly since I am young (in my mid-twenties) anyway.

I don’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill, and had planned to simply emphasize my need for a smaller size when asked for my size next year. However, it came up recently that I am expected to wear my current shirt at a teapot event next week. I appreciate the teapot vendor’s desire for branding, but I also want to look professional when meeting peers and prospective clients. I would prefer it if I could stick with my normal business casual clothing that fits properly.

Is there a way to handle this? Should I just show up dressed normally as if I forgot? Address it directly? Suck it up and wear the shirt? The vast majority of teapot experts are men, so I get why it’s easier to just order one sizing line, but I still feel self-conscious when wearing it.

“I’d love to wear it, but I was swimming in the one I was given because it was men’s-sized. If you can get me a women’s small before the event, I’d be glad to wear it.”

If they push back and you to wear the ill-fitting one, you say pleasantly, “Oh, I really need one sized for a woman or it just doesn’t look professional. I can wear normal business clothes though if it’s not doable by then.”

And yeah, it’s annoying when they default to men’s sizes, which aren’t just larger but are also cut differently.

– 2015

3. My coworker gets angry when we chew

I have a coworker who has undiagnosed misophonia. She has never been formally diagnosed, and as I understand it, has never even mentioned it to her family doctor. But she hates chewing sounds so much that she actually had a verbal altercation with another coworker over his eating an apple.

Since that altercation (several years ago), everyone is on alert about eating at their desks. Some of us occasionally eat at our desks because of operational needs (teleconferences over lunch, temporarily heavy workloads, etc.), but now we are hyper-aware that nothing we eat should make crunching sounds. It’s so bad that if she even mentions to management that a new employee’s chewing is bothering her, that new employee will get moved to a different desk (to the inconvenience of the new employee, as well as IT, who has to move everything). If we chew audibly around her, she complains to our managers and we’re asked to stop. Most people will take their crunchy foods to a meeting room and eat there, but it’s not always easy to find an open room.

While I understand how maddening chewing sounds can be to her, there are things she can do to lessen her reaction to them — exposure therapy, talk therapy, white noise machines, medication, ear plugs, noise cancelling earphones, listening to music. Our workplace is all for accommodations when prescribed (and we do have policies around accommodations), but again, this is an undiagnosed condition, and she is not being asked to do anything to help alleviate her reactions.

Am I wrong to think everyone else should not be inconvenienced for one person’s sensitivities? If scents gave her migraines, I could understand requiring a scent-free workplace (which we also have). But for sounds? Is management handling this correctly, or are there other avenues they should/could be taking? I’ve made my stance known to management, but I still try to accommodate when I can in the spirit of team harmony.

I think it’s pretty unreasonable. I’m curious why they haven’t just moved your coworker to a more private area, rather than banning everyone around her from eating. And yes, she has options to alleviate the impact too, like headphones, as you pointed out. If she hasn’t even spoken with a doctor yet, finding herself in a verbal altercation with someone over eating an apple should have nudged her to do that.

I suspect that if you and a group of your coworkers pushed back more firmly — the as a group part is key here — and said, “We’ve tried to be accommodating, but this isn’t reasonable, we’re not able to eat when we need to, it’s not workable for us, and there are other solutions that would significantly lessen the impact of this,” you might make some headway. (You might also point out that “no one eats around the person” isn’t one of the accommodations that the Misophonia Institute or the Job Accommodation Network suggest workplaces use.)

– 2019

4. My former boss is still trying to manage me

I am a manager at an organization; I’ve been there almost 10 years. Back when I was at an assistant level, I reported to Fergus for about a year and a half. We we had an okay working relationship back then, but he had weird ways of asserting his authority (i.e., whenever he approved a day off, he’d also include a list of all the things I’d be missing while I was out — things that my teammates could cover, so it seemed he was trying to make me feel bad.) I was promoted to another department five years ago, and while we still worked near each other, we haven’t been working closely.

He recently changed jobs and now is in my department. He chose to make the switch, but he is no longer a manager. His job is different from mine, but he seems to think he is managing my work again. He’s making recommendations on projects I manage without being asked. Recently he offered to help with something our CEO asked me to work on. The way he asked was, “Have you done this yet? (It’s been a few days.)”

While the help is appreciated, the way he offered was by pointing out that it had been a few days since she made the request. The day after she made the request, there was a death in my family and I’ve been out of the office. I saw his note as I’m looking through my emails to prep to go back to work. How do I tell him I’m happy to work together on this project, but the CEO will come to me if she has a problem with my timeline, and it’s not his job to subtly point out my shortcomings?

If he asks you “have you done this yet?” about something that he doesn’t have standing to manage at all, respond with, “Why do you ask?” You can say this perfectly pleasantly and in a tone of genuine curiosity, but train him to see that you’re not going to respond to his requests the way you would a manager’s.

If he makes unsolicited recommendations for how you approach a project, say, “Thanks, I’ll think about it.”

If he offers help that you don’t want, say, “Thanks, I’ll let you know if that looks like it would be useful” or “Oh, I’ve got this, but thanks.” If you’d actually appreciate his help, accept it in a way that makes it clear you’re choosing to accept it — like, “Sure. I’m fine on X and Y, but I’d be happy to have you help with Z. Thanks for offering it.”

And if he makes subtle remarks about your timeline seeming insufficient to him, either ignore it (because his opinion doesn’t matter) or dryly say, “Jane’s in the loop on the timeline” or “I’ve got it covered, thanks.”

If you do this stuff, it’s likely that he’ll get the hint and you won’t have to have a big You Are Not My Manager conversation with him. But if you do this for a few weeks and he’s not backing off, you may need to do that. In that case, you could say something like, “Hey, I’m glad to be working with you again. I’ve noticed you’ve been critiquing my work and checking in on my progress. I’m happy to have any suggestions you feel are worthwhile, but ultimately I’m leading this area and don’t want either of us to inadvertently go back to the dynamic we had when I was reporting to you.”

– 2017

The post my office has a wall of shame, coworker gets angry when we chew, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/my-office-has-a-wall-of-shame-coworker-gets-angry-when-we-chew-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33494

Green shoots bring hope after bushfires in the Grampians

Posted by chariot pulled by cassowaries

https://www.metafilter.com/211314/Green-shoots-bring-hope-after-bushfires-in-the-Grampians

Green shoots bring hope after bushfires in the Grampians. New growth is sprouting in the fire-ravished Grampians (Gariwerd) National Park, but an ecologist fears for the future. (Australia)

https://www.metafilter.com/211314/Green-shoots-bring-hope-after-bushfires-in-the-Grampians

Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas

Posted by Dawn Trask-Dontell

https://www.metafilter.com/211313/Emmet-Otters-Jug-Band-Christmas

Legendary and elusive Jim Henson holiday special Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas has appeared on YouTube for your holiday viewing pleasure. Charming and delightful and full of Muppet magic. This runs 55 minutes.

https://www.metafilter.com/211313/Emmet-Otters-Jug-Band-Christmas

Toilet Cam Update

Posted by Winnie the Proust

https://www.metafilter.com/211312/Toilet-Cam-Update

When they said "end-to-end", they didn't mean that end. The latest update on the Dekoda Fecal Surveillance System.

Previously.

https://www.metafilter.com/211312/Toilet-Cam-Update

Network State

Posted by subdee

https://www.metafilter.com/211311/Network-State

Why Did Trump Pardon the Former Honduran President? Follow the Tech Bros. is a Mother Jones essay by Kiera Butler on Trump's recent pardon of Honduran ex-President Juan Orlando Hernández, who had been serving 45 years in prison for using Honduras' police and army to ship 500 tons of cocaine into the United States. Butler links the pardon to Próspera, a special economic zone founded in Honduras by a cadre of American tech titans including Peter Thiel and Marc Andreessen. According to some, Prospera is a "freedom city" and important part of the Network State movement; while for others, like Honduras' leftwing President Xiomara Castro and Supreme Court (who found it unconstitutional), it is "merely a shelter for foreign actors to undermine Honduran sovereignty and to skirt labor and environmental regulations they may face elsewhere."

But what is the Network State movement? Here's an except from Kiera Butler's previous report, Tech Moguls Want to Build a Crypto Paradise on a Native American Reservation (And hope to gobble up some land near you.): In a 2021 essay on his website, Srinivasan laid out his vision for people seeking to build a new utopia or, as he put it, "a fresh start." Sure, there were conventional ways to do this—forming a new country through revolution or war. But that would be, well, really hard, not to mention unpredictable. A cruise ship or somewhere in space were appealing options, but both presented logistical challenges. Far simpler and more practical was "tech Zionism," creating an online nation, complete with its own culture, economy, tax structure, and, of course, startup-friendly laws. Eventually, Srinivasan mused, such a community could acquire actual physical property where people would gather and live under the laws dreamed up by the founders—a "reverse diaspora," he called it—but that land didn't even need to be contiguous. "A community that forms first on the internet, builds a culture online," he said, "and only then comes together in person to build dwellings and structures." Acknowledging that the idea might sound a little goofy—like live-action Minecraft—he emphasized that it was also a serious proposition. "Once we remember that Facebook has 3B users, Twitter has 300M, and many individual influencers"—himself included—"have more than 1M followers," he wrote, "it starts to be not too crazy to imagine we can build a 1-10M person social network with a genuine sense of national consciousness, an integrated cryptocurrency, and a plan to crowdfund many pieces of territory around the world." A network state would, like a kind of Pac-Man, gobble up little pieces of actual land, eventually amassing so much economic power that other nations would be forced to recognize it. Once that happens, laws in more conventional nations could become almost irrelevant. Why on earth would, say, a pharmaceutical company with a new drug choose to spend billions of dollars and decades on mandated testing when it could go to a deregulated network state and take it to market in record time? As Srinivasan argued in a Zoom talk at last year's conference, "Just like it was easier to start bitcoin and then to reform the Fed," he said, "it is literally easier to start a new country than to reform the FDA."

https://www.metafilter.com/211311/Network-State

Public Domain Advent Calendar

Posted by tafetta, darling!

https://www.metafilter.com/211310/Public-Domain-Advent-Calendar

Take a peek each day between now and December 29 to see what works enter the public domain in 2026 The Public Domain Review has combed through the history books to find some gems in the crop of works entering the public domain as of January 1, 2026. Sonny Bono may have won the round but Steamboat Willie is out of the bag now. Who's next?

https://www.metafilter.com/211310/Public-Domain-Advent-Calendar

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Heroes - Tove Lo

Entry tags:

all we're looking for is love and a little light

Every time I think of posting, I'm so overwhelmed by how shitty my life is right now and how nearly suicidal I feel that I can't do it. I'm just too depressing. It just seems like it's never-ending and I'm literally throwing money in the toilet and I feel so alone and hopeless. It's funny, I've never cried over the cancer diagnosis (diagnoses, I guess, since I'm being stalked by it), but I'm literally sitting here sobbing in front of my computer because of all the things. It's just. All the things.

A short list (it looks long, but it's the short list): I bought a new used laptop from Back Market when my old 2012 workhorse started having these weird spasms and would shut down. The new one, a 2020, I picked specifically because it had an intel processor instead of the new M1 chips, because I had a couple older programs that are crucial to my work that I wasn't sure would run on an M1. It went great until last month, when it wouldn't boot at all. I sent it back to the refurbisher and they said they couldn't repair it (a lie, I'm positive) so would send a replacement. Unforch, it wasn't what I ordered (it had an M1), so I had to mail it back via UPS last week (before turkey day).

Even more unfortunate, apparently UPS "never picked it up" from the mailing center, it's not in the system, so they won't give me a refund. Back Market forced me to do the refund option instead of sending me a replacement again since that's their policy. So assuming I would have a refund coming, I bought an entirely new 2020 just like the first one.

But now I guess I'm completely screwed out of over $700. Which I really don't have. Because I cannot prove a negative, and the mailing center dropoff of course doesn't give receipts for prelabeled packages. Which, even if I'd scheduled UPS to come to my house and pick it up, I wouldn't have a receipt either, if I didn't think to like wait by the door or something and make sure he scanned it. So there is nothing apparently I can do, because no one has this tracking number and I can't prove I sent it. Maybe it was stolen, maybe the UPS guy was a fuckup, who knows. All I know is Back Market won't give me my refund. They were like "bye, Felicia."

Even better, I cannot get the new 2020 laptop I had to buy to work, by installing from my backup so I can port over all my crucial programs. Mr.

minim_calibre helped me with my first install problem when they came by on thanksgiving for min's annual drive-by pieing (she makes the best pumpkin pies, just like I would make them so now I don't have to make them myself!), and then again when I was having a completely new issue and he solved it, the day min and I went to see Wake Up Dead Man (which is cute! although the lack of a comma in the title is beyond irritating!). So those issues solved, I have attempted at this point to use migration assistant to get my old macbook air stuff over to the new one now probably 12 times, and it never works. The boxes are all checked, it says it's taking an hour or whatever to install from the backup, and nothing. Nothing in the restored files or any other folder they could exist in.

Apparently, you cannot use the apple genius bar for this type of thing. I was hoping to go there today but this isn't an issue they will assist with. They send you to articles, all of which I've read, and all of which tell you steps I have indeed taken. I did not have this problem with the laptop in April, which is making me even angrier. On top of losing over seven hundred bucks, I'll have to probably pay someone to help me be able to use this laptop, or maybe--I'm seriously considering this--send back the new one (with receipts this time so that means drive all the way to the nearest UPS store a half hour away and watch them while they scan it), then get a refund for it, and buy another one somewhere else. At this point I almost don't care about the programs and should just get an Mwhatever number they're on because getting a refurbished on is turning into such a nightmare. I keep thinking I might semi retire, but now I need money so I don't know. I just am not sure what to do.

Because on top of all this misery, my furnace was making dying noises and so I had to suddenly replace that. Furnaces are expensive, y'all. It was not a great time, but when they showed me the condition of the old furnace, I knew it had to go. It's beyond its lifespan, I knew that, but till now, it had been a pretty decent performer. The only good thing was that the new one has the same footprint as the old one, so they were able to put it right on top of the metal base, and use the existing pipe work for the gas and venting. It makes noises, but I was assured they were normal, though when it's blowing the air, it's quieter than the old one.

But of course, nothing ever goes right for me (seriously, this has been a longstanding joke with my friends, that I'm a walking Murphy's Law and whenever something can go wrong, it will, when it involves me), they charged me the full amount of over 8k on top of the 50 percent deposit I'd already given them, and when I called they were like "oh no! we'll refund it of course" but it's going to take 5-10 business days. I have to pay interest on that, since I put it on my credit card because I wanted to get the points, figuring I'd just move money over right away from my line of credit. It stings, since I will be paying for the roof for a while, and now this on top of everything...just so not what I needed. Financially, this has been a catastrophic year.

All my hopes of getting a new car (I love my Beetle, I do, but she's 20 years old now and there are parts of her that are literally falling apart and sometimes can't be replaced) have vanished now. I don't know what to do about the new laptop yet, I'm just sick and sad and hopeless. I'm taking a new drug because I guess my thyroid is hypo now?? which everyone is like, could just be normal happenstance, could be related to chemo, shrug, but I'm not super fond of some of the side effects. I'm supposed to talk with her about it at end of December after I've been on it for two months. But it sounds like one more drug I'll be on for life, however long that is.

I've been trying to not make this horrible list longer, but I may have to have a root canal, but won't be able to do it for quite a while despite tooth pain (still have to get to the dentist but ya know, funds) because one of the chemo drugs I get infusions of has a major side effect called necrosis of the jaw. Like. It's horrifying. If they do dental work that goes into your jaw bones, zometa can cause the jaw to become necrotic (dead) and your teeth come out, etc. See? Horrifying. Someone in my support group lost a huge section of his jaw and all his teeth to it, and had to have everything rebuilt. They say that they now know a lot more than they did years ago, so if you stop the infusions for 3 to 4 months or something, and don't have them for a month or so afterward, it should be okay. But I'm not sanguine about my chances.

Anyways. I'm sorry for so much doom and gloom. I did have a lovely birthday, so there was that! It was an exceptionally rare sunny day birthday--I can count on one hand the number of times it's been sunny on my birthday so it was extra nice because I treated myself to a mani-pedi and was afraid I'd be out walking in flip-flops in bare feet in pouring rain. (Tho as it was, I stepped off the curb and my foot was immediately covered by mushy leaves and cold water, so ha ha, it happened anyway.) Then my friend Keith and I went out to a pricey seafood place I really wish I went to more often (should fix that), here in West Seattle, and they do all this nice stuff for your birthday including giving you the really good tables with the spectacular views across Elliott Bay to downtown Seattle. Their special that night was lobster, and I am nuts for lobster, so perfect timing.

I think I might try to find somewhere in the budget (ha ha ha ha) to get a mani-pedi more often. One of my meds has ruined my hands and feet, my skin is like slick paper and the edges of the nails peel away all the time. Not necessarily for polish, but just to have someone help me maintain them, because it's hard on me at this point, especially my feet. We'll see, I guess.

Entry tags:

books:vlad taltos

Rereading Dragaera

For reasons not worth exploring at this juncture (i.e. a friend asked which book to start with), I reread Jhereg earlier this week and then promptly tore through Yendi, Dragon, Taltos, quite a bit of Tsalmoth, and am now reading Issola. (Look, they're short books, okay.)

( Spoilers and speculation about Where It's All Going )

The Hook, The Hack, and the Hike

Posted by Saxon Kane

https://www.metafilter.com/211309/The-Hook-The-Hack-and-the-Hike

The Price of Loyalty: How Rewards Programs Trap Consumers... "Loyalty programs are everywhere: from airlines to the grocery store and gas station, companies are seeking your loyalty in exchange for discounts. These programs may look simple: collect your points, get some deals, and save some money. But as a new analysis (PDF) reveals, the reality is that many loyalty programs function as data-harvesting machines. These programs track what we buy, how we search, and even how we navigate our cursors across a screen – building hyper-detailed profiles that companies can use to gauge and direct how much each of us is willing to pay."

Another blurb from the authors (substack link) "The Loyalty Program Trap" (Related YT video)

https://www.metafilter.com/211309/The-Hook-The-Hack-and-the-Hike

woke Zoomers and MAGA uncles alike...

Posted by nobody_truncates

https://www.metafilter.com/211308/woke-Zoomers-and-MAGA-uncles-alike

...joking on their newly discovered common ground: whatever the law or the media says, in this house, Luigi Mangione is a hero.

``Our aim, in short, has been to re-examine the core values of America from the common ground we glimpsed in the response to the killing of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. Then, from there, to point a path toward a new political landscape.'' relatedly, in the intercept.

https://www.metafilter.com/211308/woke-Zoomers-and-MAGA-uncles-alike

South African government's response to Rubio's Substack post

Posted by infini

https://www.metafilter.com/211307/South-African-governments-response-to-Rubios-Substack-post

Secretary Rubio, the world is watching. It is growing weary of double standards. It is tired of lectures on democracy from those who seem to have forgotten that democracy, at its best, must listen as much as it speaks.

Rubio's OP, as published by the US Embassy to the South African government. International relations and cooperation minister Ronald Lamola has delivered a stern rebuke to US secretary of state Marco Rubio, telling him South Africa does not seek validation from his country. South Africa to be replaced by Poland for next year's invite only G20 at Donnie's non-profit gofl farm "For now, we will take a commercial break until we resume normal programming," the South African president's spokesman said. The USA boycotted the G20 this year because Africa.

https://www.metafilter.com/211307/South-African-governments-response-to-Rubios-Substack-post

"I decided to paint a tree on the door, then it grew really quickly"

Posted by paduasoy

https://www.metafilter.com/211306/I-decided-to-paint-a-tree-on-the-door-then-it-grew-really-quickly

The artist Emily Powell has painted the walls of her home and turned it into a work of art. Now she is selling it. The house is in Brixham, Torbay, and has an asking price of £2 million as "a complete, immersive artwork" in a road where the average house sells for £200k. Powell says she will come back every ten years to retouch the work. There is a 15-minute video interview and tour by Lick Decorating. Her website.

https://www.metafilter.com/211306/I-decided-to-paint-a-tree-on-the-door-then-it-grew-really-quickly

Entry tags:

stuff: chrimble songs

Merry Xmas Everybody - Slade

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updates: refusing to pray with a religious client, learning to brag, and more

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-refusing-to-pray-with-a-religious-client-learning-to-brag-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34772

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. Can I refuse to pray with my religious client?

The advice you gave me was very useful and it helped me to organize my thoughts and see the situation in a more rounded fashion.

I have decided to lean into pretending to be religious and keep this client as long as I can. I have my elderly mother living with me and, thanks to the policies of the administration these people voted in, we are struggling and will struggle even further when the health insurance premiums increase again.

So I absolutely fake pray with them every time and have learned the verbiage to fit in better with how they speak. If they can fake it in order to profit financially and politically, then so can I. I see this as them doing a small part in addressing the problems they are causing for me and so many others in this country.

I’m going to get my bag from these folks who I think are doing irreparable harm, and I am using a substantial percentage of it to donate to Planned Parenthood and other organizations fighting them. I’m frankly tired of taking the high road every time and having it washed out from underneath me, and tired of seeing that play out in the political arena as well. I am also documenting very carefully when I have to advise them that they’ve broken federal law and then they lie to me about having addressed it per my advice, and when I am able to move on — if our IRS is in any kind of shape — I will whistleblow on them.

2. How do I brag about myself to my boss? (#4 at the link)

Your perspective and the commenters helped illuminate that this was an odd point of anxiety. Well, I could talk your ear off about how distorted my work culture norms became from that (past tense!) job. Your blog did a lot in helping me validate my feelings of something not being right.

My spouse has been out of work for a while, and in the same week — we both at last got offers for positions we are delighted about. I’ve also started a master’s degree program, and today I have 6.25 days left of this company I’ve been at for almost a decade. I could cry with relief. (I have!)

To any readers who might go through shame, embarrassment, or anxiety if your job does something that shocks others — I see you. You can get out. Don’t give up!

3. I’m taking an extended break from work and my dusty LinkedIn profile is haunting me (#4 at the link)

Thanks so much for your answer, it helped me relax a bit. I think as a human with ADHD who has often felt a need to explain and offer context, the LinkedIn profile was just really sticking in my craw. It was so weird to deal with such sudden and profound disability and have lots of people in my life not know what was happening to me. Everyone else was going on like things were normal, and I felt like leaving it un-updated meant I was pretending to be normal too. Even though I’ve proudly identified as disabled for a long time due to neurodivergence and chronic illness, this was a whole new level. I think I just felt really unseen, but updating it would also have been weird and terrible. I couldn’t figure out a way to do it in a way that wouldn’t invite unsolicited comments or bias, but leaving it alone didn’t seem like a real option until I wrote in. Letting it stay dusty was definitely the best course of action, and your answer gave me some peace on that point.

Good news is, I’m almost fully recovered now! I did end up updating my LinkedIn this summer, because I was finally ready to scout for volunteer and paid roles to ease my way back into the workforce. Did it help with my return to work? Dubious, lol. I think networking and being able to write/talk about myself well were bigger factors in my favor, and perhaps no small measure of sheer luck. Using your cover letter, resume, and interview prep tips were major, and it didn’t hurt that I work in a niche with a small professional community. On a whim, I put out a few feelers on professional FB groups and they got way more traction than I expected. I was invited to apply, interviewed, and was hired for an amazing part-time, fully virtual independent contractor role within two weeks(!) of posting short blurbs about who I am, what I can do, and what I was looking for.

There’s lots of support, flexibility, and room to grow in this role and things are already taking off for me. I was accepted to the volunteer position I wanted too, and I’m really excited to give back to my community. I’m so grateful, both to have my health back and to have lucked into super supportive environments where my lived experience as a disabled and neurodivergent person are deeply valued.

4. Do I have to keep working late now that I’ve resigned? (#3 at the link)

It ended up calming down on its own pretty soon after, and they ended up keeping me on as freelance worker. Although they took my salary and divided it by 40 hours a week to calculate my hourly rate and aren’t paying me a penny more for me to cover my own benefits and vacation so … the feeling of resentment continues. But hey, pretty good for a part-time gig!

The post updates: refusing to pray with a religious client, learning to brag, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-refusing-to-pray-with-a-religious-client-learning-to-brag-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34772

Elf Meme: 2 Elf 2 Furious!

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