Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/08/open-thread-august-22-2025.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31478

It’s the Friday open thread!

The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.

* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.

The post open thread – August 22, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/08/open-thread-august-22-2025.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=31478

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/08/fighting-to-be-the-only-woman-in-the-firefighter-calendar-hr-downgraded-all-our-evaluations-to-avoid-raises-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32650

It’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…

1. Should I fight to be the only woman in the firefighter calendar?

In the last year, I became the first female firefighter in my town at the only firehall. Each year they do a calendar photo shoot and then sell the calendar, with the proceeds going to charity. The calendar is a sexy firefighter calendar and you will see poses each year with men covering their private parts with helmets, or nude but the shot is from behind so you only see their bum, or with the straps of their coveralls covering their nipples. I originally thought I would be partaking in the photo shoot as well, but the chief told me that I will not be allowed to participate because it would be inappropriate for a woman to be displayed in such a manner and they want to protect me.

My initial reaction was to say that I want to participate and that there is no reason why I as a woman cannot also cover my private parts with a helmet and I guess something else up top or show my bum or have only the straps of my overalls cover my nipples as well.

As of right now, the photo shoot is a month away and they are still telling me no. The latest reason is because if I were to be nude around the time of the shoot, they would have to have me do my photos separately from the guys and also hire a female photographer to come in to the hall. I’m frustrated because I feel excluded and I believe I should also be able to have fun. Do you think I can fight this? Or do you even think I should fight this? I want to do it, but maybe you would advise that if I can get out of the photos of me being sent out to the town then I should take the win? I just hate being excluded due to my sex.

I hate everything they’re saying to you. Protect you? Inappropriate for you to show your body even though the men are doing the same thing? No and no.

But I do think there’s a different issue, which is that people buying a sexy firefighter calendar that they’re used to featuring all men might not be enthusiastic about displaying a photo of a scantily clad woman. I mean, personally, I wouldn’t want to display either of them — but if my calendar displayed a woman in a pin-up type photo, I’d be more concerned about it reading as skeevier to people because of the cultural history we have of exploiting and objectifying women’s bodies in a way that we don’t with men’s. (I’m not saying this is right! I’m saying it’s in our culture.) So I’m curious if that’s part of what feels weird to them even if they haven’t articulated it.

Anyway, can you fight it? Sure. Should you fight it? Unless you really feel strongly that you want to be in the calendar, I don’t think it’s a good use of capital. As the first female firefighter in your town, you’re going to have so many other battles to fight. Personally I wouldn’t spend the capital on this one if it’s just about the principle of it and not that you’re actually dying to do the calendar.

2. HR downgraded all our evaluations to avoid giving merit raises

I’m curious about the way my current company went about our annual evaluation this year. It felt off to me, but I’m not sure about the legality or ethical implications. For reference, my company is large and employs roughly 6,000 staff.

I have a good remote job with a wonderful manager we’ll call Paul, an overall great team and clear structure — which is a first for me! I’ve been with here five years, and annual raises are tied to our performance rating. Let’s say that the range is a numerical rating of 1 (poor performance) through 4 (exceptional performance). The way that raises are structured, 1’s are rare (that level of performance is often let go or managed out prior to the review), a 2/3 would receive a cost of living adjustment, and a 4 would receive COLA plus a small standard percentage increase to denote excellent performance.

Earlier this year, we were informed that due to a variety of factors, including the current administration, we would not be receiving merit-based raises this year. However, I have been rated a 4 consistently and have stepped in over the last 18 months to support a high-visibility enterprise-wide project where I have consistently received positive feedback.

I was surprised to receive a 3 this year, despite my written evaluation being glowing. In follow-up conversation with Paul, I mentioned my confusion and found that they were also confused, as they had rated me a 4! After further investigation through their chain of command, it appears that all ratings of 4 were downgraded to a 3 since we aren’t doing merit raises this year.

Is this how it usually works? Should I be raising this concern to HR? I understand that there may be integrations between HR and Payroll software where this was the easiest way to prevent a raise from being auto-applied (complete conjecture on my part), but it feels off. I am fine not receiving the merit raise, I get it, but I feel like my correct performance rating should still be noted as these ratings stay with you throughout your tenure. Am I off-base? I was initially pretty understanding and brushed it off, but the more I think about it — including the fact that my manager was not notified! — the more I feel like this is not above board.

Yeah, this is crappy. It’s one thing to say “we’re not doing merit raises” this year. It’s entirely different to change the evaluation of your performance based solely on the fact that they’re not giving raises. Your evaluation should be an accurate evaluation of your work; what they do about a raise for it is a different matter. And now you’re going to have a “3” evaluation in your file when you and your manager both agree you earned a “4.” They already hit with you with the demoralization of no merit raises, and now they’re going to further demoralize you by pretending your performance was something other than it actually was? It’s a terrible decision.

It’s not necessarily worth doing anything about since the chances of getting this changed at a large company as a non-manager are pretty low, but your instinct that it’s BS is correct. On the other hand, if a bunch of you want to push back — and especially a bunch of managers — who knows, you might get some traction.

3. Can I befriend an intern?

I am a woman in my mid/late 20s and an early career attorney at a small law firm (less than 20 people) in a niche that is popular, but hard to break into. Every summer, we hire a law student intern. I was one of those interns a few years ago, and I loved my experience and was thrilled to come back full-time as an attorney. While I am not the only intern who has come back to the firm after law school, it is not standard. There’s no “return offer” process like at Big Law firms.

I was asked to be a “peer mentor” for this year’s intern, which basically means I take them for lunch or coffee a few times throughout the summer and check in to see what they’re enjoying or struggling with, help them navigate the interpersonal dynamics of the firm, and generally be a point person for any non-legal questions that arise (although they’re free to ask me legal questions as well). I report back to the partners if something comes up in the course of these meetings that the partners can assist with, but I have no supervisory authority over the intern.

This year’s intern ended up being someone I really liked as a person! We’re about the same age, are from the same place, have a lot of the same interests, and just got along really well. We even have some mutual friends from a totally different area of life. I took her out for lunch on her first day and immediately thought that she’s someone who I’d love to be friends with.

I’ve read enough AAM to know to be mindful of power dynamics in work friendships, so I made sure to be friendly at work and work-sponsored events, but not to try to initiate a friendship outside of work. I also remembered being in her shoes and desperately hoping that I could parlay my internship into a post grad job, and I didn’t want to give the impression that a friendship with me (or lack thereof) would have any impact on the possibility of her getting a return offer — I have less than no say in the firm’s hiring decisions.

During the last week of her internship, I took her out for lunch for our last “peer mentor” meeting to debrief on her experience with the firm. During that lunch, she said that she had really enjoyed getting to know me and would love to hang out outside of work. I enthusiastically agreed, and we exchanged social media information. I figured it was okay to do that since a) her internship was ending, and b) she’s the one who brought it up.

Did I handle this correctly? Was I correct to be cautious about initiating an out of work friendship with an intern? How do the rules differ on initiating work friendships with interns versus peers?

Yes! You were thoughtful about the right boundaries for the relationship while you were her mentor and while she might see you as someone with hiring influence, and you stuck to the role you needed to play for her (mentor, as opposed to if you were peers). Then when the circumstances changed and you were no longer bound by those dynamics, you were free to respond positively when she suggested a social relationship. It sounds like it was all handled perfectly on both sides.

4. Was I wrong to ask to be involved in hiring my replacement?

I had made plans to go back to school and gave my employer a very generous notice period of about four months (which I know is not normally recommended, but I was secure in the fact that they wanted me to stay as long as possible). Since I gave such a long notice, the plan was to hire my replacement while I still worked there and have a few weeks of overlap to train her.

This was my first “real” job after college, and it was honestly above what I was qualified for on paper, though I ended up doing great work after some training.

As we were starting the hiring search, I asked my supervisor if it would be possible for me to be involved in the hiring process on some level, so I could have more work experience in that area. I was surprised by how strongly my supervisor seemed put off by this request, and I immediately backed off and let the subject be forgotten about. Was this a major faux pas that I stumbled into? To me, it seemed like a reasonable request, since I was the expert on what the role required, but I very rarely saw my boss visibly uncomfortable, so the fact that he was gave me major pause. Was this a case of a young professional (me) accidentally overstepping, or was this a quirk of my specific nonprofit, or was it something in-between?

It’s not weird to ask if you could be involved in the hiring process, since you knew the job well. It’s also not weird for them to decline (for one thing, it would mean an investment in training you to interview effectively and legally, which wouldn’t necessarily make sense for them since you were leaving and if they felt confident about their ability to assess candidates on their own), but it wasn’t a faux pas or an overstep that you asked.

The post fighting to be the only woman in the firefighter calendar, HR downgraded all our evaluations to avoid raises, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/08/fighting-to-be-the-only-woman-in-the-firefighter-calendar-hr-downgraded-all-our-evaluations-to-avoid-raises-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32650