Yeah, my guess is that most people weren't on secret lists, really; I think you needed to be in the one-on-one conversations, so people could know you well enough to invite you, or alternatively post enough publicly about the sorts of things the secret list was about so the existing members would start thinking "oh, hey, we should invite her".
And sometimes it was just a matter of timing; turns out there was a secret list full of people I knew either casually or well, but I hadn't known them well enough when the list was being formed to be invited, and they wanted to keep the membership small. No one ever said a word to me about it till a couple years later, when an in-person friend I'd made in the meantime, who'd been biting her tongue for a year about it, finally invited me when the list decided to add a few new members.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2012-04-01 06:15 pm (UTC)And sometimes it was just a matter of timing; turns out there was a secret list full of people I knew either casually or well, but I hadn't known them well enough when the list was being formed to be invited, and they wanted to keep the membership small. No one ever said a word to me about it till a couple years later, when an in-person friend I'd made in the meantime, who'd been biting her tongue for a year about it, finally invited me when the list decided to add a few new members.