Arduinna

Posted by Frank

https://postsecret.com/2025/09/14/follow-postsecret-on-facebook-2/

http://postsecret.com/?p=21671

To: “frank” <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: Re: PostSecret Help

I’d always wanted to write to you but never thought it’d be under such circumstances, ugh sorry. I’m secretly planning my death.

I realised I have depression this March. Since then I began taking some meds, and I was getting better this week. 2 nights ago, I went to a friend’s to pick up my earring I dropped the other night (he invited some friends to come over). I only had 1 drink then I got so drunk somehow. He fucked me. It hurt so much and I kept bleeding for a day. I feel extremely shame on myself since that night. I can’t even face myself, and the only thing I am thinking is to restart my life.

I couldn’t go to school today. I can’t function (a bit like my depression). I had a mental breakdown in the bathroom while taking a shower. I can’t tell my therapist (also a teacher and colleague of my mom’s from my primary school). I know it’s wrong so I went to the medical centre to find another therapist. But the registration takes a week to complete. I feel desperate. The memory keeps playing in my head.

What a fucken life!!

Regards,

-Z

~~~

From: “frank” <frank@postsecret.com>

Subject: Re: PostSecret Help

Hi Z-

This is one of the most difficult emails I have ever read. I can understand why you are in pain right now. I’m sorry that is is overwhelming right now. But I believe the fact that you took the time to share this with me indicates that part of you still wants to live.

Know this, at this exact moment, you are not alone with your heavy and suffocating feelings. I get postcards with confessions similar to yours every week, especially from young people who have suffered a traumatic experience through no fault of their own. It might not feel like it, but pain can dissipate, no matter how much it lies and tries to convince you otherwise. If your pain eventually lessened would you still want to kill yourself? Some of the secrets I receive say, I don’t want to die, I just want to pain to stop. I also get postcards from people who have found their way through the pain. They don’t say everything is great and life is painless now, but they are surprised that things can get better with time, medication, God, love, friends, music, therapy, family, a beloved pet, meditation, even endurance exercise (that’s what worked for me).

I hunted through the PostSecret archive to find two stories of people who have secrets related to the story you shared with me. Not everyone finds their way to survival and healing like these two courageous women, but it is possible. Over time there is a chance you will overcome. Give that chance time to happen, you owe it to that girl you were, and your future self. I hope that future self will mail me a postcard like one of these someday.

Maybe your depression is how you are expressing the righteous anger you must feel toward your attacker. Don’t let that rapist win. You are more important than your assailant. That is why I stopped everything I was doing to write you this message.

You wrote that your are having trouble finding a therapist. I totally believe you. Last night, I was speaking at a large university and a student told me she was waiting over a month for counseling. Another student said they were told by the campus counselor to find help off-campus. That sucks. It’s not fair, it happens to a lot of young people and it’s 100% not your fault. Here is a link to hundreds of crisis lines world-wide. Please use it and share it with others – in the future.

Here’s a link to a Harvard Study that found that nine out of ten people who attempt suicide and survive will not go on to die by suicide at a later date. This has been well-established in the suicidology literature and it’s a powerful fact to keep in mind. Nine out of ten people who felt just like you, desperate enough to kill themselves, if they were able to find their way through their worst night, got better and never made another attempt for the rest of their lives.

Can I ask you a question? Does anything still bring you joy in life? A pet, a sibling, a friend, a grandparent, a band, the beach, a book, Epic Universe, Othani in the pennant race, a forest walk, Taylor Swift’s next album?

I attached one last image to this email. It’s an picture of a young woman sending up a helium balloon of hope for a stranger who had mailed in a secret like yours. Because of one secret, over 60,000 strangers cared enough to create a “Please Don’t Jump” facebook page proving people do care and there is hope, even if your depression has convinced you otherwise – don’t believe it, depression and anxiety are liars.

A friend of mine – Kevin Hines – tried to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge to end his life. He is one of the ten or so people, from the thousands who have jumped off that bridge and died, to have survived. He travels the country sharing his inspiring story. It’s like his life was spared so that he can reveal the secret last thought of people who attempt suicide. He has shared his story with millions of people around the world. This is what he says, As soon as I let go of the cables and began to fall from the bridge, I realized I was making a mistake.

Be well,

-Frank

[After I shared the message above on facebook, I invited the PostSecret Community to, “share something you would have never experienced if you had completed suicide”. There were hundreds of heartfelt stories. Here are a handful. . . ]

• Today my son received a beam initiative scholarship and a bassoon lesson with Lecolion Washington (LW plays the basson in The Lion King). I am so glad I decided to walk through the tunnel. There is a light at the end and it’s beautiful.

• If I had killed myself almost 4 years ago, I would have never accepted myself as LGBT; I wouldn’t be as close with my parents; and I would have devastated my dog who adores me. Without me he would have probably been passed from owner to owner, not living the life of adventure I’ve given him.

• I wouldn’t have experienced finding the right mix of medication to help me understand how my life should be!

• The love of this good hearted man. Not too mention so many other things, like my current job where I get to help others.

• Camping with my sister and our kids. Waking up at 6am and watching the sun rise over the mist on the lake.  I would have missed this and so much more.

• I would’ve missed the chance to be with someone who sends me messages like this.

• I never would have been able to help my sister get the help she needed if I gave up 2 years ago. My life isn’t perfect, but I am so thankful for how far I’ve come.

• I mean, come on, we’ve all got to vote in 2020! And I agree, there’s always something good to look forward to… even if you don’t know what it is, yet!

• I would’ve been gone before she arrived. Shes worth staying for.

• Becoming a midwife and being the one to witness and welcome hundreds of new lives into the world.

• In May of 2009 after my second combat tour I was found hanging from a tree branch. This photo was a month ago. Not a day goes by that I’m not happy, I know what could have been. Nothing, and I repeat nothing, is worth not being there for. I cherish every moment now because I know I chose to forfeit everyone of these and that I don’t deserve them. But I get them, and I will love every one of them.

• I never would have gotten into medical school and had the honor of putting on this white coat and helping others. I never attempted but thought about it every day for a very long time. Took me until well into my adulthood to realize that there are downs, and then eventually ups again and if you check out early, you never get to see what your ups may have been.

• I’ve still got too many people to piss off yet.

• This guy. Oh! And my husband.

• the northern lights

• Getting to ride again.

• Goodness . . . I’m sitting at the table trying not to sob as I read this, because I don’t want to have to explain it to the family . . . At 16 I contemplated it. The only thing that stopped me was I didn’t want my Mom to find me. If I would have went through with it, I wouldn’t have met the group of friends who got me started in allowing myself to show the goofy side only when I was with them, then at 30+ I wouldn’t have met the amazing people on f.b. who allowed me to be the silly, goofy, weird me, that most people in real life look at me funny when they see it because I’m always so serious. Thanks #PostSecret for making me emotional, but also challenging me to think of what I would have missed out on.

• Just because you haven’t found your reason to live yet, it doesn’t mean you never will.

The post September is Suicide Prevention Month appeared first on PostSecret.

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Posted by Frank

https://postsecret.com/2025/09/14/off-the-table/

https://postsecret.com/?p=50309

Hi Frank –

I sent you this secret some time later in my college days. Then I sent you an update after a few years later as well – which is when I think my secret debuted on Sunday Secrets. I didn’t screenshot or save it. If you have a copy of that, that would be cool.

I wish I could say that the journey was as linear as youthful self once thought and that everything was rainbows and butterflies these days. Mental health seems to be more of journey than a destination. I did find a hella good therapist about four years ago who helped me realize that I was neurodivergent. What a difference that made on my perspective. We are slogging through some trauma work. The commitment to following through on this secret did take suicide off the table. The struggles have been many since then and the journey hasn’t been perfect. However, I’m still here and resilience has won the day. Thanks for giving people a place to launch things into the universe.

The post Off The Table appeared first on PostSecret.

https://postsecret.com/2025/09/14/off-the-table/

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