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This comment section is open for any non-work-related discussion you’d like to have with other readers, by popular demand.
Here are the rules for the weekend posts.
Book recommendation of the week: Morningside Heights, by Cheryl Mendelson. The woman who wrote the amazing Home Comforts: the Art and Science of Keeping House also wrote a novel! Two married musicians grapple with the their careers, the troubled love lives of their friends, the aftermath of a neighbor’s death, and the way rapid gentrification may soon push them out of their beloved home. (Amazon, Bookshop)
* I earn a commission if you use those links.
The post weekend open thread – September 6-7, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedIt’s the Friday open thread!
The comment section on this post is open for discussion with other readers on any work-related questions that you want to talk about (that includes school). If you want an answer from me, emailing me is still your best bet*, but this is a chance to take your questions to other readers.
* If you submitted a question to me recently, please do not repost it here, as it may be in my queue to answer.
The post open thread – September 5, 2025 appeared first on Ask a Manager.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedAnd that, believe it or not, was the end of Bertie's chances. By making the financial crash a culturally live issue again, she channelled 1.21Gws of raw artistic power directly into Bertie's campaign and sent it like a DeLorean, back into all those futures lost.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedIt’s four answers to four questions. Here we go…
1. Managers won’t coach our coworker, even though he takes feedback well
I work in a fast food restaurant. Recently, a former coworker who had moved on to another job, “Clark,” came back to work with us again. He was never a rock star, per se, but he did his job adequately and was friendly. This second time around, he seems to be struggling more. He’s very open about being neurodivergent; I know he’s autistic and might also have ADHD. We’re also friendly enough (we’re around the same age and share a lot of similar interests, so we talk) and he told me he also has cerebral palsy. The job he left us for turned out to be a pretty bad one with shady practices, so it likely had a toll on his mental health that he’s still recovering from.
He’s not averse to coaching and advice. For instance, we have a three basin industrial sink for doing dishes. One basin gets soapy water with, and another gets a diluted sanitizer. Even though he knows this process, for some reason, he had stopped filling the sinks with these mixtures. I approached him about it, saying, “I noticed the last few times you were doing dishes, you didn’t have soapy water or sanitizer. You do need these, because dishes don’t get clean just spraying them off.” He said okay, and that was that. He did it properly without complaint.
The thing is, no one seems to want to give him these instructions. On one hand, I understand that having to coach someone on basic things like needing to use dish soap to do dishes sounds tiring, and like every other part of the service industry, we are stretched really thin. On the other, they hired him, and they’re keeping him. But rather than get him up to speed, whenever he works, they put him in the back and just don’t deal with him. When he does something that feels obviously wrong to someone else, most of the time they don’t talk to him; they complain about it to each other behind his back. I brought this up to the manager one day, and she basically said, “That’s just how Clark is” and that placing him out of the way so the managers don’t have to manage him is how they’re dealing with it.
I feel like this is a pretty big disservice to Clark. He’s not averse to being told what he’s doing wrong and fixing it, it’s just that because of his particular mental health cocktail, what’s obvious to other people is not to him. But he’s a grownup who wants to work (he’s in his 30s) and because he can be corrected, he’s obviously not incapable of doing more than they’re having him do. Throwing aside and ignoring a perfectly viable worker is putting even more strain on the rest of us.
Should I continue being the one who gently course-corrects him so he’s doing the job we need him to? I’m a crew trainer, so it is technically my job to, you know, train crew. But with the higher-ups actively disengaging from him, it feels like they wouldn’t notice or care if he was doing better.
Yes, please keep training him! It will benefit Clark and the rest of your team and, as a crew trainer, you have standing to do it.
Your managers are being derelict in their duties by not giving Clark clearer guidance. You can’t make them operate differently, but you can keep training Clark and it’s possible that in time they’ll realize your approach is the better one. Also, would you feel comfortable pointing out to any of them that while Clark might need more feedback than they’re used to, he takes it well and incorporates it into his work, and he has a track record of being coachable when someone bothers to put in the energy?
2. Is it wrong to google companies on a candidate’s resume?
I am an inexperienced assistant bank manager hiring an entry-level teller. One candidate had running a business on his resume, but the business name made me think it might be related to legal marijuana. I googled and found that it was a dispensary, but figured it wasn’t relevant that he ran a failed marijuana business a few years ago, until I saw that their state business registry had recently been reactivated and updated to change him to president of the company.
Since marijuana is federally illegal, it’s problematic for the banking industry, so my manager emailed our recruiter and asked how we should handle it. She responded asking how we found that information, because it wasn’t appropriate to use anything that wasn’t supplied by the candidate, so we should not consider it unless he brings it up as relevant. I thought it was common to Google applicants, but I also see how it could be a legal issue since there are regulations on notifying people about background checks and how they are used. So I know when we are hiring in the future, where is the line between casually researching a candidate’s background, and creating a legal issue by using information that was obtained inappropriately? Should I just leave any research on the candidate to HR?
To complicate things, he interviewed very well and is our first choice. We are moving forward with him as normal but I am still concerned about not being able to ask him if he currently owns a business that has legal conflict with the banking industry, and am afraid to go to HR for guidance about that in case I get in trouble. The funny thing is, if he were opening a business account, what I did would be considered due diligence.
It’s absolutely not true that you can’t google candidates; that’s absurd. It is true that managers googling candidates need to use judgment and discretion in doing it, because you may come across things that shouldn’t be considered in the hiring process (like a naked bike ride) or even that are outright illegal to consider (such as info about disability, religion, etc.). But it’s categorically untrue that you can’t google people (and the kind of notification required for a background check does not apply to googling). Moreover, in doing this, you found information that’s highly relevant to your business — the candidate might have a clear legal conflict that will pose a problem for your industry (and the banking industry does indeed have a ton of regulations around how they deal with state-legal marijuana businesses).
Go talk to HR, explain what you found and why you disagree with the recruiter, and ask how to handle it since this is potentially very relevant info. (Normally I’d say to just ask the candidate about it point-blank, but since your recruiter is being so weird, HR should be in the loop.)
3. Being filmed during meetings
I volunteer as the president of the board of directors for a local non-for-profit organization. This position is in addition to my 9-5-day job and it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort to maintain this role and the work that is required. I absolutely love it. I love the organization and everything it does.
My concern relates to the open meetings law in our state. A member of our state committee on open meetings laws recently presented at one of our monthly board meetings and explained that because we are funded (partially) through a tax assessment on commercial properties in our business district, our meetings can be recorded under the law.
Since then, a community member has shown up to our monthly board meeting, as well as our other sub-committee meetings, set up his cell phone, and proceed to record the entire meeting. We now know this is allowed under state law.
The problem is that I have a very strong personal reaction to being filmed. For personal reasons I won’t get into, I completely shut down when there’s a camera on me. It makes me extremely uncomfortable to the point where I have trouble thinking, processing, and sometimes breathing. It’s a visceral reaction I’m struggling to contend with. I just received the minutes from a recent committee meeting, and I don’t remember hearing most of the information that was discussed because I was so distracted by having a camera pointed at me. In fact, following that meeting I returned to my office and cried for 30 minutes straight due to the overwhelming discomfort.
This is a problem, and I don’t know what to do about it. Under the law, people have every right to record these meetings. Do I need to step down from my role as president, and from the board entirely? I really hate the thought of that, but I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve been on this board for five years and it was never before mentioned that people were allowed to record meetings. Now that it’s been announced, and the cameras are rolling out, I can no longer serve in my best capacity due to my discomfort.
I should clarify that the person doing the recording isn’t exactly a supporter of the organization and could be viewed as more of an agitator. They have caused problems for our organization in the past. I’m certain that if asked about the need to record the meetings, the response would be something along the lines of “because I can.” The person attended our meetings in the past but didn’t record them until now.
Sometimes I feel like I’m overreacting, but in a world of AI and deep fakes I just can’t trust people having me on camera for their own personal pleasure. It really freaks me out. Any advice you can provide would be greatly appreciated.
If that’s what the law requires and you don’t want to be filmed … then yeah, the choices are basically to find a way to be at least minimally okay with it or step down from the role. Which really sucks!
However, any chance there’s a way for you call into the meetings remotely and not be on camera yourself? That’s the only other option I can really see.
Related:
my employer says we can’t stop patrons from filming us
4. I’m being penalized at work because I’m visually impaired
A very high-up manager said to my face that I was a burden for being disabled and for my ADA accommodation (special seating that blocks light). I am visually impaired, but I have high ratings on all my reviews and I truly love my job. This manager also invited my entire department to lunches but excluded me. When I asked my direct manager, why high-up manager did that, he said it was because I was not part of the team (that’s not true). The high-up manager also said to me, ‘Besides your eyes, what else is wrong with you?” I was really speechless by this.
Many, many other things happened over eight months, and I finally told HR but they have basically gone silent. I then found out that I was not promoted along with everyone at my level despite doing above-level work all year and being told by multiple managers I was on track, along with great reviews. It was a stunning surprise. I then found out the high-up manager was on the promotion review committee! HR will not tell me why I wasn’t promoted or provide a single thing I messed up and I was never coached or told there was an issue. I am feeling so sad about this. What would you do?
Talk to a lawyer immediately. This sounds like it’s illegal discrimination based on your disability, and since HR isn’t bothering to act, the next step is to talk to a lawyer. That doesn’t necessarily mean suing; there’s a lot that lawyers can do to help you before things get to that point, including guiding you from behind-the-scenes and negotiating with the company on your behalf.
Here’s how to find one:
how do you find a lawyer for workplace issues?
The post managers won’t coach our coworker, is it wrong to google companies on a candidate’s resume, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedA reader writes:
I was on the job hunt about two and some years ago and got approval from certain teammates to act as references. I got a job (hooray) but now I’m starting to look again and I’m being asked for references. The thing is that I haven’t been in touch with these coworkers since I left — we’re on LinkedIn but have not really spoken. Just fell out of touch when you don’t have meetings and projects keeping you together.
Does their consent to serving as a reference persist or do I have to ask them again? I have one reference from my current job but this prior reference is helpful to have because it’s from a cross-team collaborator and it’s helpful to have someone other than your own immediate teammates vouching for you.
My instinct is that the consent lasts for one job search and I’d need to ask again for new ones. If that’s the case, do I need to do a song and dance or can I just ask? Politely, of course.
You need to ask them again. It’s less about their consent potentially having changed and more about alerting them that they might be getting called so they’re not taken off-guard (and so they can refresh their memories about what they might want to say). If you don’t alert them ahead of time, you risk them not returning messages or answering the call without any prep and sounding surprised or confused.
You do not need to do a song and dance; you can just ask. It’s very, very normal for colleagues to fall out of touch but then pop back up for references or networking or so forth. It’s not a faux pas the way it would be in a social context, like if you didn’t talk to someone for two years and then asked them to help you move. It’s perfectly routine in a business context!
The post how long does someone’s agreement to be a reference last? appeared first on Ask a Manager.
askamanager_feedRemember the letter-writer whose boss said she was threatened by his “masculine energy”? Here’s the update.
I followed your advice and submitted a three-sentence resignation letter. It was freeing to not try to craft a longer letter. New Boss made some noise about trying to get me a counter offer to keep me on, but I quickly deflected and moved on.
I thought your readers would like a little more context info and an update on what happened after I gave notice. The organization is a nonprofit that provides entrepreneurship training to adults in a specific industry and is heavily reliant on federal and state funding to do the work. Applying for and spending government funding requires knowledge of complex bureaucratic regulations and processes. I’ve been writing and managing government grants since 2016 and I’m pretty well respected for my work within our niche field. The funding freezes, terminations, and general uncertainty at the federal level have been devastating for my org and our partners.
Besides the fact that New Boss (NB) has the personality of a flaming bag of dog poo, he seems to lack any knowledge or understanding of how to navigate government funding. The board shared NB’s resume with the staff before he was hired, and he had lots of grant writing and management experience listed. I was initially excited about him, because I looked forward to getting support for all of the administrative headaches that come with government funding. Unfortunately, he frequently behaves as though he’s never seen a grant regulation before. Instead of reducing the burden on me, he multiplied it as I had to frequently explain to him why the thing he wanted to do was not allowable. He seems to have memory issues to boot, as I often had to explain the same thing to him multiple times. I never felt like he adequately understood what I was telling him. One of my coworkers described the situation as trying to work for a squirrel with early onset dementia.
The one time he decided to write a grant, he cut me out of the process until the last minute when he handed me a complete disaster of a narrative and budget to edit the day before it was due. I worked until 10pm that day and was up at 6am the next day putting in the hours to make it submittable. The worst part was his budget, which was so uniquely formatted that I could barely interpret it. I had to explain to someone with “grant writing” all over their resume that funders do not accept bespoke budget formats and could he please translate into the proper format. I sent him a template with detailed notes on where things needed to go. He tried but was unable to translate it on his own. I had to beg a favor from our financial director to get her to format it correctly so I could focus on rewriting the narrative portion. The financial director then complained to me that she is having to waste hours of her time each month translating QuickBooks reports into NB’s bespoke format because otherwise he seems unable to understand the information.
Anyway, after I submitted my notice, I emailed the board executive committee asking for an exit interview with them. The org is too small to have an HR person and doesn’t really have any defined policies around exit interviews. Three committee members assented to my request and one refused. This person is going to be the next board chair and also led the board committee that hired NB. They are apparently very pro NB. Current Board Chair, who was CC’d on NB’s email featured previously, has been trying to step down for the last few months. I think this state of transition in leadership is the main factor in NB not being fired already. I had the exit interview with Current Board Chair, the treasurer, and a third board member last week. I came with very detailed notes about specific incidents and areas of concern I had about NB’s ability to successfully administer a nonprofit organization. The treasurer especially asked a lot of questions and it sounds like the financial director has also been raising concerns with them. Two other coworkers, including the financial director, also submitted notices in the weeks after I put mine in. I honestly don’t know at this point if NB will get fired or if the board will try to prop him up.
I’m on my fourth day at my new job and starting to care less and less about the situation at my old job. I would be sad if they totally imploded but it’s a giant relief that I’m not there anymore. I appreciate the advice you gave me and the thoughtful responses from your readers. I would like to apologize to all the Gen-X folks I offended as I was just trying to speak to a 20-year age gap between us.
Thanks again!
The post update: my boss said I’m threatened by his “masculine energy” appeared first on Ask a Manager.
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