Arduinna

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/coworker-keeps-interrupting-my-conversations-telling-my-boss-im-burned-out-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32894

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps interrupting my conversations with other people

I have a coworker, let’s call her Veronica, who holds the same title as me. We don’t get along particularly well, but we remain civil. My main issue is that she constantly interrupts my conversations with other employees. These aren’t private conversations, but they don’t involve her either.

For example, if our head of finance asks me about a purchase I made, Veronica will jump in with comments like, “Anything I need to know?” or “What are we talking about?” This happens several times a day. It’s not just me; she does this with others, too. Most of us have started ignoring her and continuing our discussions, but that feels rude, and she still hasn’t taken the hint. I’ve even told her before that I really dislike being interrupted, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.

I actually feel bad for her, since she doesn’t seem very self-aware and her behavior likely comes from insecurity. Still, it feels like working with a distracting five-year-old, and I’m worried I’ll eventually lose my patience. Should I address it directly in the moment?

You can try to! If she jumps in with “Anything I need to know?” you can reply, “Nope, I’ve got it.” If she interjects with “What are we talking about?” you can reply, “I’m handling this, but thanks” or “Give me a minute to finish up here” or “This isn’t a good time to interrupt, give me a few minutes.”

You can also say to her afterwards, “When I’m having a work conversation with someone, please do not interrupt like you just did with Jane.” (You said you’ve told her before that you dislike being interrupted, but have you explicitly told her to stop? That might seem like a difference of semantics, but for some people it will land differently so it’s worth a try.)

If you try all that and it’s still happening, you might consider looping in your boss and asking for advice (which is a way to bring it to her attention without just saying, “Solve this”).

2. Can I give career advice I didn’t follow?

I’ve worked at the same company since I graduated seven years ago. In that time I’ve gotten promoted three times, worked field assignments all over the country, received lots of company-paid specialized training, been provided with rewarding and high-visibility work, more than doubled my salary, and been given great latitude in flexible working arrangements. In short, I’ve been treated extraordinarily well and plan to stay for many more years if everything remains rosy.

As I get more senior, I get approached more frequently by junior employees about career advice. The thing is: I think they should job-hop and sharpen their skills more broadly, not follow what I’ve done.

My experience isn’t unique but it’s definitely rare, and not a good bet for most people. I’m routinely ranked in the top 2-3% of the company, but some of these opportunities were just being in the right place or taking advantage of a stretch assignment. There were plenty of times my hard work could have just not paid off.

And my workplace is pretty neutral for the average employee. The pay is on-par for our industry, people get annual 2% cost-of-living raises, and our work environment isn’t toxic or mismanaged (to my eyes). But our industry rewards having diverse experience (usually easiest by switching companies), I’ve seen long hours become normal on more than one project, and our work is slowly drying up. Plus there are all the normal benefits of moving jobs, which are significant.

I really love my job, and make no secret of that to my peers and management. But I’m not blindly loyal to the company, and if I stopped being well-treated I’d probably pull on my network for a new growth opportunity in the next year or two. I think it’s the smart thing to do, and I’d like to see my talented younger teammates learn and grow as well instead of getting pigeon-holed into one role forever. But I don’t want to appear like I’m guarding my own route to success, or that I think they’re not qualified or skilled enough to succeed here. How do I navigate this?

Be candid! “I’ve gotten really lucky, and I don’t think my path here has been the usual one. Generally, people in our field get the most benefits from moving around a fair amount — changing jobs every X-Y years will usually pay off significantly in salary increases, and the field rewards diverse work experience. I’ve been really happy here, but most people will see the biggest advantages by moving around periodically.”

That said — are you sure your experience is really just luck and not something more? Are there things you did that others could replicate that led to the experience you’ve had with your current company? If it’s really just luck, then so be it … but I’d want to make sure of that before you use that framing with people.

3. Was it bad to tell my boss I’m feeling burned out?

How bad is it to admit to your director that you are burned out? I work for a local government in the U.S. On the way to our cars one afternoon, my boss asked how my day had gone, and I admitted it was a bad day and that in general I was burned out. He admitted being similarly frustrated by the behavior of our citizens. I think I have a good relationship with my director, but when I told my coworker, she was concerned that somehow management will hold it against me.

Unless your boss is known to be really weird about this sort of thing, your coworker is overreacting. You have a stressful job at a particularly stressful time when many, many people doing similar work are feeling burned out; this is not a secret to your boss, who apparently feels similarly himself. It’s normal to share that a day has been particularly rough, and part of managing people doing this type of work sometimes includes helping them process the stress it can bring up.

It would be different if you were harping on it frequently, or if it were showing up in your work on a regular basis.

4. How can I find out what I’ll pay for my prescriptions at a new job?

I’m in the middle of a job search and have discovered that, in addition to all the usual complexities that make salary negotiations difficult, I have a couple of expensive medications that I will need to continue to get in the future. Is there a way to find the actual cost of my prescriptions on a company’s insurance plan?

I don’t want to have to reveal specific prescriptions or health conditions during an interview, but the real-world cost of these medications would make a big difference in the salary I’m willing to accept. In my experience, even knowing which insurance carrier the company uses isn’t enough information to know what the monthly cost will be as it varies from plan to plan. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone at most of the companies I’m interviewing with, so I can’t get any insider info that way, either.

Once you have an offer, you can ask for details on the insurance coverage, including their drug formulary, and then you can call the insurance company and ask about coverage and co-pays under that specific formulary.

That said, some big caveats: Even if the drug is on their formulary, the insurance plan may require that you try other drugs first before they’ll cover this one, or they might not cover it for your specific condition. The insurance company can also change its formulary with the next plan year, or the company could change its insurance altogether. So while the answers you get will tell you about their current coverage, they can’t guarantee that those answers will be in effect long-term. It’s very frustrating.

5. How can I set goals when I can’t take on more work?

My annual review is coming up and as part of the review, I have to do a self-evaluation (I really hate those). I have been doing this same job for 25 years (albeit in different places) and am planning on retiring in the next 5-7 years. I don’t want any new skills or more responsibilities. About a year ago, I took over a huge responsibility from my supervisor and don’t think I can take much more on (our workload is increasing, and we are short-handed), but my supervisor says we have to have goals. How can I have goals that are not really goals but that will satisfy my supervisor?

It sounds like you’re thinking goals have to be brand new projects, and they don’t. You can have goals about your ongoing projects and responsibilities, describing how you and your manager will both know you’ve done those successfully. So, thinking about the things that are on your plate currently, what does doing those well look like? For example, if a big part of your job is cleaning up after llamas, a goal might be “ensure all llama pens are clean, safe, and well-stocked; all public areas are scrubbed down at least once daily; and llama handlers report their llamas are well cared for.”

You don’t need to add in a bunch of new work.

The post coworker keeps interrupting my conversations, telling my boss I’m burned out, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/how-do-i-say-no-to-door-to-door-salespeople-without-being-rude.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32852

A reader writes:

This is a question not about my work, but about how to avoid creating negative work experiences for others — people in door-to-door sales/fundraising jobs.

I get a ton of door-to-door salespeople and fundraisers at my house. I am absolutely not going to make a purchase or donation in any of these circumstances, and I need to end the interactions as fast as possible (I work from home and need to get back to my desk ASAP). But I don’t want to be a jerk; these are humans just trying to earn a living, after all. I also think it’s kinder to them to stop the conversation quickly, since there’s zero chance their pitch will result in a sale/donation.

My current strategy is to interrupt the person as soon as they introduce themselves and say (in a kind tone) something like, “I don’t want to waste your time, so I’m going to stop you there because my answer is going to be a firm no. I realize you have a pitch prepared, but I will absolutely not be making a purchase/donation, so you can save your time and move on to your next house now.” If the person is soliciting donations for an organization I believe in, I’ll usually throw in “I appreciate the work you’re doing for [cause].”

Invariably, the person immediately segues into their pitch anyway, and I keep reiterating my no. Some folks give up after a few more rejections (usually fundraisers), while others tend to get pushy (usually salespeople). I try to stay kind, but in some cases the only way to end the interaction is to just close the door in their face while they’re talking.

I know these folks are likely required to follow a script and to keep pushing when they hear no. I also know it’s a tough job and they must get plenty of rude responses (one could argue that the solicitors are themselves being rude, but I don’t want to be rude in return regardless). They’re at work, and I want to avoid making their jobs more unpleasant — but I also need to shut down these convos quickly.

For folks in these types of jobs, is there some magic word that would make them accept that first no? Is there a type of non-jerk response that would close the conversation faster? Or is being rude / shutting the door in their face really the only way to end the interaction at my initial no?

I can’t just ignore the doorbell because I often have important packages I have to sign for, and a video doorbell isn’t an option at my house for various reasons.

You’re being far more accommodating than you need to (or should be). People who show up randomly at your door are not owed access to you; you decide how much of your time you’re willing to give them, and you don’t need to give more because they want it (or any at all, for that matter).

It’s really okay to just say, “No, thank you” and close the door. Truly. Say it politely, but you’re not required to let them control your time. You’ve delivered the essential information — that you’re not interested — and the interaction can end there. You don’t need to wait for them to give explicit permission to end it (and if you try to, many of them will keep you there longer than you want, as you’ve seen). If you feel awkward about just replying with a simple “no, thank you,” you can add, “I’m on a phone call so need to run” and then close the door.

If they were going to respect your initial no, they’d be assuming the interaction is over then anyway. Anyone who objects is someone who wasn’t going to respect your no anyway, so you certainly don’t need to facilitate them in further intruding on you.

And if it helps you feel better about it, you’re saving them time by not prolonging the interaction, too.

You could also consider a “no soliciting” sign, which won’t end the interruptions entirely but should cut down on them.

The post how do I say no to door-to-door salespeople without being rude? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/how-do-i-say-no-to-door-to-door-salespeople-without-being-rude.html

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/should-you-go-to-the-home-of-an-employee-who-doesnt-show-up-for-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32683

A reader writes:

Some time ago, my husband and I owned a small computer business. One of the employees was an insulin-dependent woman who lived alone. She had always been very reliable until one morning when she didn’t show up for work and didn’t answer her phone. We drove to her nearby home, saw that her car was in the parking lot, and became afraid for her. We knocked on the door and called her over and over. We could hear the phone ringing inside, but there was no response so we called the police for a wellness check. The police came and eventually went into the house.

The officer came back out almost immediately and assured us that the woman was okay. Apparently she had been in bed with a man.

Later we realized that after we left the office and before we started banging on her door, she had called and left a message that she wasn’t coming in.

The next day, the employee came in, furious. At the time I felt both foolish and aggrieved over the whole incident; recently, though, I’ve been getting a little worried as I read about employers who invade their employees’ privacy. Now I’m wondering what we should have done differently other than the obvious — check messages. The employee certainly thought we were outrageous. Can you render a verdict?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

The post should you go to the home of an employee who doesn’t show up for work? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/my-coworker-mansplains-via-chatgpt.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32833

A reader writes:

I have a coworker who grates on me for his reliance on ChatGPT.

We are in tech, so some amount of AI use is normal these days, no matter what my misgivings are. The problem is that regularly I will ask a question of our team, looking for context or additional information on a problem so that I can craft the right solution, and this coworker will just shove my question in ChatGPT and paste the answer to me in Slack in the thread where I asked my question.

These AI answers are often band-aid fixes that miss the entire point of me asking for context or detail on a problem to understand the root cause. Like if I had asked, “I have noticed a hole in the llama containment fence, the damage suggests vandals, has that historically been an issue, and should we look into deterring them or put up cameras?” the ChatGPT guy will reply with, “ChatGPT says we can patch the hole with a fence repair kit.”

This feels a bit belittling and sort of like mansplaining to me (I am female-presenting and also younger than him, but I have more expertise in this area). I also have a work ChatGPT account and could ask it for help, but that’s not what I am looking for when I post the question to the team.

How do I explain that this is (a) not helpful and (b) kind of feels like him saying, “Let me google that for you”? I have tried gently redirecting with, “Thanks but that doesn’t provide the context I was looking for, I need XYZ before we can say if that’s the best solution” but that hasn’t helped.

If it helps you resist putting him behind a llama containment fence, remind yourself that he’s making himself look ridiculous every time he does this. If he were giving similar responses in meetings, he’d look like he lacked a basic understanding of the work and didn’t have an appropriate understanding of the types of problems that come up in your work — and it’s the same thing here. He’s making himself look bad, and I would bet money that you’re not the only one who’s noticed it and is annoyed.

Some options for responding when he does it:

You: I have noticed a hole in the llama containment fence, the damage suggests vandals, has that historically been an issue and should we look into deterring them or put up cameras?
Him: ChatGPT says we can patch the hole with a fence repair kit.
You: I was wondering whether historically we’ve had an issue with vandals.

Or:
You: I know, that’s not what I’m asking about. I’m asking whether historically we’ve had an issue with vandals.

Or:
You: Please don’t run this stuff by ChatGPT, that’s not what I’m looking for — I’m need info about our specific context.

Or:
You: ChatGPT answers won’t help here, but do you have any insight into whether our specific spot has historically had an issue with vandals and, if so, whether we should be thinking about deterring them with cameras or another strategy?

In fact, I’d bet that if you use that last approach a few times, he’ll stop doing it completely because it’s putting him on the spot to provide something useful in a way he hasn’t so far — and you’d be doing it in a way where you appear to be engaging with him in reasonably good faith. He wants to discuss this? Great! Here’s what you actually need.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/i-overheard-a-horrible-phone-call-will-i-be-unhireable-if-i-do-a-naked-bike-ride-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33083

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. Should I do anything about an abusive phone conversation I overheard?

Where I work, we have a few departments sharing the same floor of a main administrative building, and I’ve gotten friendly with many of my colleagues. One of them, let’s call her Jane, seems like the most mild-mannered woman in the world, and she struck me as genuinely kind, if quiet and reserved. We’ll say hi and are friendly, but I know nothing about her family or home situation.

The other day, I was returning from lunch and overheard her in the hall having a very angry conversation on the phone. She was hurling insults, calling the person “demented,” “idiot,” and “fucking liar” multiple times, and her tone was genuinely frightening. She also said she was “going to start taking away your food,” which after reflection gave me concerns that this person has a dependent relationship with her, most likely her child but maybe a vulnerable elder.

Most times, I would simply ignore someone having an argument as none of my business, and I haven’t said anything to anyone yet because it took me a few days to process the situation. But it’s now sinking in that the conversation was the definition of verbal abuse, and I’m worried about possible physical abuse happening in the form of withholding food, not to mention the questions it raises about what happens and how she behaves towards this person when she’s NOT at work. Should I report my concerns to HR? Best practice is usually mind your own business, but does what I heard cross the line into something reportable, acknowledging I have zero context on the conversation?

That’s a horrible way to talk to anyone, even leaving the food comment out of it, and I can see why you were alarmed.

But you don’t have enough context to know what this was about. For all we know, “I’m going to start taking away your food” was a response to her partner trying to restrict what she eats or continually taking the lunches she packs her herself  (so it was a tit-for-tat thing — still not good, but not an indication of abuse toward a dependent).

I know that’s a really unsatisfying answer because maybe there is a dependent involved and it’s more like what you’re worried about. There’s just not enough info here to know or to make it something HR could act on. I think you’ve just got to accept that you overheard something disturbing but that it’s not something you can read enough into.

2. Can I shut down Harry Potter talk at work?

I work in an office with a bunch of nerds. Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, you name it, we’ve nerded and bonded over it together.

For a lot of people, this unfortunately still includes Harry Potter. I’ve been able to dismiss it when it’s brought up to me, I can change the topic to something else, but with the new audiobook adaptation and the show, the conversation is cranked up to a 10 again. And honestly, I feel like a bad ally for not just outright saying, “She’s a dangerous gender extremist who is actively trying to take away trans rights.”

I’m a queer person in an office with a lot of cishet people. I’m always afraid I’ll be accused of shoving politics down someone’s throat, but dammit this is important. My spouse is under the trans umbrella, and many people I love and care about are trans. It makes something that’s already really important really personal, and I just get so enraged any time JKR or Harry Potter are brought up. Is there a professional way to shut this topic down?

Not really, I’m sorry! People are allowed to talk at work about books and other media produced by even deeply problematic people. It would be different if the media itself were work-inappropriate (like if they were talking about erotica or something else obviously not safe for work), but this isn’t in that category.

However, while you can’t insist on shutting it down, you can absolutely say, “She’s doing an enormous amount of harm to people I care about” or any other formulation you want to use to express your own opinion (including, potentially, “This is rough for me to hear because she’s actively working to harm people, so I’d be grateful if you took that into account when I’m around”).

3. Will I be unhireable if I do a naked bike ride?

I’m wondering what your thoughts are regarding an employee’s personal life during the hiring process. With the existence of facial recognition technology and employers searching candidates online, it’s hard to feel like I can live my life anymore and still get a job.

I’m a very professional person, but there’s one thing I’ve always wanted to do and I want to do it next year. I want to ride in the World Naked Bike Ride. Unfortunately for me, many of the riders get photographed during the ride and nude pictures of them get posted online. Personally, this doesn’t bother me in any way whatsoever. My worry, though, is that if a future employer finds a nude picture of me from the ride during the hiring process, I will not get a job and become unemployable at large and never have a good career.

Part of me thinks employers won’t care, especially since I am not in a particularly sensitive field. I am a pastry chef. Should I just do the ride and live my life? I don’t think most employers use facial recognition technology anyways so if a picture is untagged I should be okay!? I also have a bad habit of overthinking. Also, I must mention that I won’t be taking pictures of myself or posting any on my social media. Do you think if I did the ride that I would be okay and still be able to have a good career? I do also feel that things have changed in the past 10 years and that nudity is largely accepted now for non-sensitive professions. What is your opinion on all this and what advice would you have for someone who wants to do something like this?

Do the ride and live your life. Employers do google candidates, but the vast, vast majority are not using facial recognition technology (in fact, I’d guess none of them are). If somehow a photo is connected to you anyhow, it’s very unlikely to be an issue in your line of work.

Go enjoy the ride.

4. Boss wants my vacation photos

Prior to my vacation, my boss’s boss kept asking what I planned to do during my time off. I was always sort of vague for no particular reason. Now that I’m back, they keep asking me to share vacation photos with the team. It makes me uncomfortable. Is this appropriate? How can I nicely tell them no?

Just say you didn’t take any photos! Or if it’s too late for that: “I had to reset my phone and lost a bunch of photos.”

5. Should I wait a year to apply internally again or start searching outside my company?

After working in my field for nearly five years, I am eager to move into an adjacent type of work, let’s say teapot design. Recently a position opened at my company for a junior teapot engineer. I was very open with the director of the design team and the lead engineer about my interest in joining the team, and my boss was supportive of my applying (I had been advised to inform him of my interest and application). I was told I the job would be mine unless someone with more experience applied.

Lo and behold, someone with more experience did apply. It’s unsurprising, the job market for entry-level engineers is very tight right now and I do not have any actual design experience, but it is disappointing. I was told to reapply when they post a new entry-level position, likely in a year, as they would be more open to someone with no experience, but I was also warned how difficult it is to get an engineering job when you don’t have design experience (or a masters degree, although the new hire does not have one either). But they did say I was the best internal candidate. How much should I believe what they say? Is it worthwhile to stay and try again next year, or should I start looking for greener pastures?

You should assume there’s no guarantee that you’ll get the job in a year. They may not post it at all, their needs may change by then, someone stronger could appear, the person who made you the promise could be replaced by someone who views it differently, and on and on. So while it’s good to know that possibility is there, you should assume it’s not a very solid one. If it doesn’t come to fruition next year and you’ll wish that you had started job searching sooner, do that now.

The post I overheard a horrible phone call, will I be unhireable if I do a naked bike ride, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/how-can-i-fend-off-unwanted-hugs-at-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32718

A reader writes:

I am a woman in my 30s and I work with the public at a senior center. I do my best to maintain a friendly but professional presence with the center’s guests. Sometimes guests surprise me with a hug. I don’t hug back and try to step away quickly when they let me go, but I don’t make a big deal of it or say anything.

It’s men and women alike, usually in their 70s, 80s, or 90s, and nobody seems to be creepy or gropey about it. I try to be empathetic; some of the folks who hug me are very lonely, with not many close family members. In some cases, they might have a condition that can affect their judgment of what is appropriate. I am happy to be a good listener and point to the resources and activities that are available at the senior center. But regardless of the guest’s situation, I don’t think it’s my job to accept unwelcome touch.

I don’t want to come down too hard on a lonely, friendly person, and I don’t like to think of myself as frigid or unwelcoming. But, I need to reinforce my personal/professional space bubble. Do you have a script or any advice for this situation?

“Oh, I’m not a hugger but it’s so nice to see you!” Or “I’m not a hugger but I’m so glad for the chance to talk to you” or whatever makes sense for the situation — basically “I’m not a hugger” followed immediately by something positive to demonstrate warmth in a different way.

That said, the reality of this job is that you may get some people who want to override your preferences and insist on hugging you anyway, because generational norms on unwanted touch have really changed over the years and not everyone has realized that, and particularly when you’re dealing with people with cognitive issues.

Related:
hugging at work: okay or not okay?

The post how can I fend off unwanted hugs at work? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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