Arduinna

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/update-my-boss-said-im-threatened-by-his-masculine-energy.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33108

Remember the letter-writer whose boss said she was threatened by his “masculine energy”? Here’s the update.

I followed your advice and submitted a three-sentence resignation letter. It was freeing to not try to craft a longer letter. New Boss made some noise about trying to get me a counter offer to keep me on, but I quickly deflected and moved on.

I thought your readers would like a little more context info and an update on what happened after I gave notice. The organization is a nonprofit that provides entrepreneurship training to adults in a specific industry and is heavily reliant on federal and state funding to do the work. Applying for and spending government funding requires knowledge of complex bureaucratic regulations and processes. I’ve been writing and managing government grants since 2016 and I’m pretty well respected for my work within our niche field. The funding freezes, terminations, and general uncertainty at the federal level have been devastating for my org and our partners.

Besides the fact that New Boss (NB) has the personality of a flaming bag of dog poo, he seems to lack any knowledge or understanding of how to navigate government funding. The board shared NB’s resume with the staff before he was hired, and he had lots of grant writing and management experience listed. I was initially excited about him, because I looked forward to getting support for all of the administrative headaches that come with government funding. Unfortunately, he frequently behaves as though he’s never seen a grant regulation before. Instead of reducing the burden on me, he multiplied it as I had to frequently explain to him why the thing he wanted to do was not allowable. He seems to have memory issues to boot, as I often had to explain the same thing to him multiple times. I never felt like he adequately understood what I was telling him. One of my coworkers described the situation as trying to work for a squirrel with early onset dementia.

The one time he decided to write a grant, he cut me out of the process until the last minute when he handed me a complete disaster of a narrative and budget to edit the day before it was due. I worked until 10pm that day and was up at 6am the next day putting in the hours to make it submittable. The worst part was his budget, which was so uniquely formatted that I could barely interpret it. I had to explain to someone with “grant writing” all over their resume that funders do not accept bespoke budget formats and could he please translate into the proper format. I sent him a template with detailed notes on where things needed to go. He tried but was unable to translate it on his own. I had to beg a favor from our financial director to get her to format it correctly so I could focus on rewriting the narrative portion. The financial director then complained to me that she is having to waste hours of her time each month translating QuickBooks reports into NB’s bespoke format because otherwise he seems unable to understand the information.

Anyway, after I submitted my notice, I emailed the board executive committee asking for an exit interview with them. The org is too small to have an HR person and doesn’t really have any defined policies around exit interviews. Three committee members assented to my request and one refused. This person is going to be the next board chair and also led the board committee that hired NB. They are apparently very pro NB. Current Board Chair, who was CC’d on NB’s email featured previously, has been trying to step down for the last few months. I think this state of transition in leadership is the main factor in NB not being fired already. I had the exit interview with Current Board Chair, the treasurer, and a third board member last week. I came with very detailed notes about specific incidents and areas of concern I had about NB’s ability to successfully administer a nonprofit organization. The treasurer especially asked a lot of questions and it sounds like the financial director has also been raising concerns with them. Two other coworkers, including the financial director, also submitted notices in the weeks after I put mine in. I honestly don’t know at this point if NB will get fired or if the board will try to prop him up.

I’m on my fourth day at my new job and starting to care less and less about the situation at my old job. I would be sad if they totally imploded but it’s a giant relief that I’m not there anymore. I appreciate the advice you gave me and the thoughtful responses from your readers. I would like to apologize to all the Gen-X folks I offended as I was just trying to speak to a 20-year age gap between us.

Thanks again!

The post update: my boss said I’m threatened by his “masculine energy” appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33108

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/lets-discuss-terrible-corporate-gifts.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33116

It’s been a few years since we’ve talked about terrible corporate gifts, so let’s do it again. To get you in the right mindset, here are some not-to-do’s shared from years past.

“When I was a kid, my dad’s employer had a vendor that would send a gallon metal jug of real maple syrup every year, which was awesome. Except one year they decided to change it up, but didn’t tell anyone. Mom got the attempted delivery card from the post office and saw where it was from, so figured she could take her time about going to pick it up. Apparently when she finally did, a couple of weeks later, the post office REEKED and the clerk glared at her while bringing up her package containing … a smoked pheasant. A not very shelf-stable smoked pheasant.”

“A few years ago, I was working in a telecoms company. This was before ‘smart’ phones were a thing — and to transfer your contacts from one device to another, you needed to manually copy them to your SIM card, then insert your old SIM into your new phone, transfer them to the new phone, and then finally put your new SIM card into the new phone — a complete pain to do!

One year, as part of an employee ‘Christmas stocking’ full of otherwise unobjectionable things, the company gave us a handy little device to help automate this transfer. You put your old SIM card in one end, and the new one in the other and voila! contacts transferred. Except this thing did not work. At all. What it did instead was wipe your old SIM card of all information — so that could be hundreds of contacts completely lost — and this was from a time when people didn’t back up their contacts (and some phones didn’t let you copy contacts, only move them, so the contacts were lost from the old phone too). Needless to say, this didn’t generate much Christmas cheer.”

“My prior company gave everyone a small tree and encouraged people to plant it. Now these were small seedlings maybe 2 inches inside of a small cup used by dentists for mouthwash and what not. Upon receiving them we read the name ‘Honey Locusts.’ They literally gave us locusts for employee appreciation. They also recommended we plant these on our property or randomly plant them on some one else’s property. These trees grow to be very large and my property couldn’t accommodate. Two weeks later an email went out stating, ‘Please do not plant your trees at work, we do not own the property.’”

“My company usually just does hoodies or jackets, one year was really nice laptop backpacks, another year they got everyone these really good emergency car kits — big red bags, first aid, mylar blankets, tire inflation, reflecting cones, flares, those cut the seatbelt tools, and more. Usually a success. Then came the new lady who convinced the partners that $100 gift cards were good.

You think, ‘No problem,’ right? Welp … you’d be wrong. They came in these big boxes which you’d open to find a hammer and a chunk of concrete that you had to bash your way through to get to your card … which were to things like auto parts stores or Cabellas or bass pro shops.

That was a loud afternoon followed by a damage assessment because we had desks smashed up, a ridiculous number of wireless mice destroyed … one guy missed his rock and slammed his cell phone dead center … a broken monitor and one dented hood by a guy who figured hurling it off the loading dock would be faster.

Been all hoodies ever since.”

“I once received a rock with the word ‘trust’ written on it in sharpie. Morale was particularly bad at the time and management thought “trust rocks” would help. Some rocks were thrown.”

Please share your own stories of terrible corporate gifts in the comment section.

The post let’s discuss terrible corporate gifts appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/lets-discuss-terrible-corporate-gifts.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33116

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/coworker-keeps-interrupting-my-conversations-telling-my-boss-im-burned-out-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32894

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My coworker keeps interrupting my conversations with other people

I have a coworker, let’s call her Veronica, who holds the same title as me. We don’t get along particularly well, but we remain civil. My main issue is that she constantly interrupts my conversations with other employees. These aren’t private conversations, but they don’t involve her either.

For example, if our head of finance asks me about a purchase I made, Veronica will jump in with comments like, “Anything I need to know?” or “What are we talking about?” This happens several times a day. It’s not just me; she does this with others, too. Most of us have started ignoring her and continuing our discussions, but that feels rude, and she still hasn’t taken the hint. I’ve even told her before that I really dislike being interrupted, but the behavior hasn’t stopped.

I actually feel bad for her, since she doesn’t seem very self-aware and her behavior likely comes from insecurity. Still, it feels like working with a distracting five-year-old, and I’m worried I’ll eventually lose my patience. Should I address it directly in the moment?

You can try to! If she jumps in with “Anything I need to know?” you can reply, “Nope, I’ve got it.” If she interjects with “What are we talking about?” you can reply, “I’m handling this, but thanks” or “Give me a minute to finish up here” or “This isn’t a good time to interrupt, give me a few minutes.”

You can also say to her afterwards, “When I’m having a work conversation with someone, please do not interrupt like you just did with Jane.” (You said you’ve told her before that you dislike being interrupted, but have you explicitly told her to stop? That might seem like a difference of semantics, but for some people it will land differently so it’s worth a try.)

If you try all that and it’s still happening, you might consider looping in your boss and asking for advice (which is a way to bring it to her attention without just saying, “Solve this”).

2. Can I give career advice I didn’t follow?

I’ve worked at the same company since I graduated seven years ago. In that time I’ve gotten promoted three times, worked field assignments all over the country, received lots of company-paid specialized training, been provided with rewarding and high-visibility work, more than doubled my salary, and been given great latitude in flexible working arrangements. In short, I’ve been treated extraordinarily well and plan to stay for many more years if everything remains rosy.

As I get more senior, I get approached more frequently by junior employees about career advice. The thing is: I think they should job-hop and sharpen their skills more broadly, not follow what I’ve done.

My experience isn’t unique but it’s definitely rare, and not a good bet for most people. I’m routinely ranked in the top 2-3% of the company, but some of these opportunities were just being in the right place or taking advantage of a stretch assignment. There were plenty of times my hard work could have just not paid off.

And my workplace is pretty neutral for the average employee. The pay is on-par for our industry, people get annual 2% cost-of-living raises, and our work environment isn’t toxic or mismanaged (to my eyes). But our industry rewards having diverse experience (usually easiest by switching companies), I’ve seen long hours become normal on more than one project, and our work is slowly drying up. Plus there are all the normal benefits of moving jobs, which are significant.

I really love my job, and make no secret of that to my peers and management. But I’m not blindly loyal to the company, and if I stopped being well-treated I’d probably pull on my network for a new growth opportunity in the next year or two. I think it’s the smart thing to do, and I’d like to see my talented younger teammates learn and grow as well instead of getting pigeon-holed into one role forever. But I don’t want to appear like I’m guarding my own route to success, or that I think they’re not qualified or skilled enough to succeed here. How do I navigate this?

Be candid! “I’ve gotten really lucky, and I don’t think my path here has been the usual one. Generally, people in our field get the most benefits from moving around a fair amount — changing jobs every X-Y years will usually pay off significantly in salary increases, and the field rewards diverse work experience. I’ve been really happy here, but most people will see the biggest advantages by moving around periodically.”

That said — are you sure your experience is really just luck and not something more? Are there things you did that others could replicate that led to the experience you’ve had with your current company? If it’s really just luck, then so be it … but I’d want to make sure of that before you use that framing with people.

3. Was it bad to tell my boss I’m feeling burned out?

How bad is it to admit to your director that you are burned out? I work for a local government in the U.S. On the way to our cars one afternoon, my boss asked how my day had gone, and I admitted it was a bad day and that in general I was burned out. He admitted being similarly frustrated by the behavior of our citizens. I think I have a good relationship with my director, but when I told my coworker, she was concerned that somehow management will hold it against me.

Unless your boss is known to be really weird about this sort of thing, your coworker is overreacting. You have a stressful job at a particularly stressful time when many, many people doing similar work are feeling burned out; this is not a secret to your boss, who apparently feels similarly himself. It’s normal to share that a day has been particularly rough, and part of managing people doing this type of work sometimes includes helping them process the stress it can bring up.

It would be different if you were harping on it frequently, or if it were showing up in your work on a regular basis.

4. How can I find out what I’ll pay for my prescriptions at a new job?

I’m in the middle of a job search and have discovered that, in addition to all the usual complexities that make salary negotiations difficult, I have a couple of expensive medications that I will need to continue to get in the future. Is there a way to find the actual cost of my prescriptions on a company’s insurance plan?

I don’t want to have to reveal specific prescriptions or health conditions during an interview, but the real-world cost of these medications would make a big difference in the salary I’m willing to accept. In my experience, even knowing which insurance carrier the company uses isn’t enough information to know what the monthly cost will be as it varies from plan to plan. Unfortunately I don’t know anyone at most of the companies I’m interviewing with, so I can’t get any insider info that way, either.

Once you have an offer, you can ask for details on the insurance coverage, including their drug formulary, and then you can call the insurance company and ask about coverage and co-pays under that specific formulary.

That said, some big caveats: Even if the drug is on their formulary, the insurance plan may require that you try other drugs first before they’ll cover this one, or they might not cover it for your specific condition. The insurance company can also change its formulary with the next plan year, or the company could change its insurance altogether. So while the answers you get will tell you about their current coverage, they can’t guarantee that those answers will be in effect long-term. It’s very frustrating.

5. How can I set goals when I can’t take on more work?

My annual review is coming up and as part of the review, I have to do a self-evaluation (I really hate those). I have been doing this same job for 25 years (albeit in different places) and am planning on retiring in the next 5-7 years. I don’t want any new skills or more responsibilities. About a year ago, I took over a huge responsibility from my supervisor and don’t think I can take much more on (our workload is increasing, and we are short-handed), but my supervisor says we have to have goals. How can I have goals that are not really goals but that will satisfy my supervisor?

It sounds like you’re thinking goals have to be brand new projects, and they don’t. You can have goals about your ongoing projects and responsibilities, describing how you and your manager will both know you’ve done those successfully. So, thinking about the things that are on your plate currently, what does doing those well look like? For example, if a big part of your job is cleaning up after llamas, a goal might be “ensure all llama pens are clean, safe, and well-stocked; all public areas are scrubbed down at least once daily; and llama handlers report their llamas are well cared for.”

You don’t need to add in a bunch of new work.

The post coworker keeps interrupting my conversations, telling my boss I’m burned out, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

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https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32894

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/how-do-i-say-no-to-door-to-door-salespeople-without-being-rude.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32852

A reader writes:

This is a question not about my work, but about how to avoid creating negative work experiences for others — people in door-to-door sales/fundraising jobs.

I get a ton of door-to-door salespeople and fundraisers at my house. I am absolutely not going to make a purchase or donation in any of these circumstances, and I need to end the interactions as fast as possible (I work from home and need to get back to my desk ASAP). But I don’t want to be a jerk; these are humans just trying to earn a living, after all. I also think it’s kinder to them to stop the conversation quickly, since there’s zero chance their pitch will result in a sale/donation.

My current strategy is to interrupt the person as soon as they introduce themselves and say (in a kind tone) something like, “I don’t want to waste your time, so I’m going to stop you there because my answer is going to be a firm no. I realize you have a pitch prepared, but I will absolutely not be making a purchase/donation, so you can save your time and move on to your next house now.” If the person is soliciting donations for an organization I believe in, I’ll usually throw in “I appreciate the work you’re doing for [cause].”

Invariably, the person immediately segues into their pitch anyway, and I keep reiterating my no. Some folks give up after a few more rejections (usually fundraisers), while others tend to get pushy (usually salespeople). I try to stay kind, but in some cases the only way to end the interaction is to just close the door in their face while they’re talking.

I know these folks are likely required to follow a script and to keep pushing when they hear no. I also know it’s a tough job and they must get plenty of rude responses (one could argue that the solicitors are themselves being rude, but I don’t want to be rude in return regardless). They’re at work, and I want to avoid making their jobs more unpleasant — but I also need to shut down these convos quickly.

For folks in these types of jobs, is there some magic word that would make them accept that first no? Is there a type of non-jerk response that would close the conversation faster? Or is being rude / shutting the door in their face really the only way to end the interaction at my initial no?

I can’t just ignore the doorbell because I often have important packages I have to sign for, and a video doorbell isn’t an option at my house for various reasons.

You’re being far more accommodating than you need to (or should be). People who show up randomly at your door are not owed access to you; you decide how much of your time you’re willing to give them, and you don’t need to give more because they want it (or any at all, for that matter).

It’s really okay to just say, “No, thank you” and close the door. Truly. Say it politely, but you’re not required to let them control your time. You’ve delivered the essential information — that you’re not interested — and the interaction can end there. You don’t need to wait for them to give explicit permission to end it (and if you try to, many of them will keep you there longer than you want, as you’ve seen). If you feel awkward about just replying with a simple “no, thank you,” you can add, “I’m on a phone call so need to run” and then close the door.

If they were going to respect your initial no, they’d be assuming the interaction is over then anyway. Anyone who objects is someone who wasn’t going to respect your no anyway, so you certainly don’t need to facilitate them in further intruding on you.

And if it helps you feel better about it, you’re saving them time by not prolonging the interaction, too.

You could also consider a “no soliciting” sign, which won’t end the interruptions entirely but should cut down on them.

The post how do I say no to door-to-door salespeople without being rude? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/how-do-i-say-no-to-door-to-door-salespeople-without-being-rude.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32852

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/should-you-go-to-the-home-of-an-employee-who-doesnt-show-up-for-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32683

A reader writes:

Some time ago, my husband and I owned a small computer business. One of the employees was an insulin-dependent woman who lived alone. She had always been very reliable until one morning when she didn’t show up for work and didn’t answer her phone. We drove to her nearby home, saw that her car was in the parking lot, and became afraid for her. We knocked on the door and called her over and over. We could hear the phone ringing inside, but there was no response so we called the police for a wellness check. The police came and eventually went into the house.

The officer came back out almost immediately and assured us that the woman was okay. Apparently she had been in bed with a man.

Later we realized that after we left the office and before we started banging on her door, she had called and left a message that she wasn’t coming in.

The next day, the employee came in, furious. At the time I felt both foolish and aggrieved over the whole incident; recently, though, I’ve been getting a little worried as I read about employers who invade their employees’ privacy. Now I’m wondering what we should have done differently other than the obvious — check messages. The employee certainly thought we were outrageous. Can you render a verdict?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

The post should you go to the home of an employee who doesn’t show up for work? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/should-you-go-to-the-home-of-an-employee-who-doesnt-show-up-for-work.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32683

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/my-coworker-mansplains-via-chatgpt.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=32833

A reader writes:

I have a coworker who grates on me for his reliance on ChatGPT.

We are in tech, so some amount of AI use is normal these days, no matter what my misgivings are. The problem is that regularly I will ask a question of our team, looking for context or additional information on a problem so that I can craft the right solution, and this coworker will just shove my question in ChatGPT and paste the answer to me in Slack in the thread where I asked my question.

These AI answers are often band-aid fixes that miss the entire point of me asking for context or detail on a problem to understand the root cause. Like if I had asked, “I have noticed a hole in the llama containment fence, the damage suggests vandals, has that historically been an issue, and should we look into deterring them or put up cameras?” the ChatGPT guy will reply with, “ChatGPT says we can patch the hole with a fence repair kit.”

This feels a bit belittling and sort of like mansplaining to me (I am female-presenting and also younger than him, but I have more expertise in this area). I also have a work ChatGPT account and could ask it for help, but that’s not what I am looking for when I post the question to the team.

How do I explain that this is (a) not helpful and (b) kind of feels like him saying, “Let me google that for you”? I have tried gently redirecting with, “Thanks but that doesn’t provide the context I was looking for, I need XYZ before we can say if that’s the best solution” but that hasn’t helped.

If it helps you resist putting him behind a llama containment fence, remind yourself that he’s making himself look ridiculous every time he does this. If he were giving similar responses in meetings, he’d look like he lacked a basic understanding of the work and didn’t have an appropriate understanding of the types of problems that come up in your work — and it’s the same thing here. He’s making himself look bad, and I would bet money that you’re not the only one who’s noticed it and is annoyed.

Some options for responding when he does it:

You: I have noticed a hole in the llama containment fence, the damage suggests vandals, has that historically been an issue and should we look into deterring them or put up cameras?
Him: ChatGPT says we can patch the hole with a fence repair kit.
You: I was wondering whether historically we’ve had an issue with vandals.

Or:
You: I know, that’s not what I’m asking about. I’m asking whether historically we’ve had an issue with vandals.

Or:
You: Please don’t run this stuff by ChatGPT, that’s not what I’m looking for — I’m need info about our specific context.

Or:
You: ChatGPT answers won’t help here, but do you have any insight into whether our specific spot has historically had an issue with vandals and, if so, whether we should be thinking about deterring them with cameras or another strategy?

In fact, I’d bet that if you use that last approach a few times, he’ll stop doing it completely because it’s putting him on the spot to provide something useful in a way he hasn’t so far — and you’d be doing it in a way where you appear to be engaging with him in reasonably good faith. He wants to discuss this? Great! Here’s what you actually need.

The post my coworker mansplains via ChatGPT appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/09/my-coworker-mansplains-via-chatgpt.html

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