Netflix, we need to have a word with you

[arduinna]

It is a cold snowy sleety horrible weekend, and we thought, what a great weekend to watch some movies on Netflix!

This seemed reasonable enough; the last time we thought that, we wound up watching Bird Box, which was really good. (In fact, therienne and I started watching that, and 20 minutes in decided we were probably somehow cheating on mollyamory, who is the actual horror fan in the house. So we called her down and started over.)

So, we were poking at Netflix late Saturday afternoon, and Netflix said, "hey, you liked Bird Box! You should totes watch "How It Ends". It stars Forrest Whitaker!"

Cool, said we - Forrest Whitaker is always worth it!

Yeah, no. Oh my fucking god, this movie is not worth it. What the hell even was that. I think they were trying to be atmospheric and mysterious and instead all they did was not tell a story of any sort. We never find out what happened, or how widespread it actually was. The ending was not an ending; the movie just kinda stopped. Are they safe? Are they dead? WHO KNOWS. WHO CARES.

I keep trying to write up summaries to explain, and it's just endless words that do nothing. Just. Don't bother watching this movie. Ugh.

We were so disgusted that we had to watch another disaster movie just to remind ourselves that there are movies with actual plot out there. Which worked out well for me, because we settled on Dante's Peak, which I'd never seen, and which was a lot of fun. And which had an ending! That made sense! \o/

In short, don't trust Netflix's algorithms, man. They lie.

(Seriously. "2012" was a better disaster movie than "How It Ends". And 2012 sucked.)

Comments

[klia]

I LOVE Dante's Peak, so I'm glad it played well after the bad flick.

Btw, IDEK if it's on Netflix, but if you're ever tempted by a movie called Fierce People -- likely by its cast: Diane Lane, Anton Yelchin, Chris Evans, Kristen Stewart, Donald Sutherland, Elizabeth Perkins -- just... don't. It's sold as a period coming of age story, which it is, but, holy crap, it's fucking gross, especially if you like Evans at all. I longed for traumatic amnesia to erase it from my brain.

[mollyamory]

Noted! So many movies I've been lured into by a good (or even average) cast... and now can never remove from my cortex. Yeep!

This one was bad in so many ways, but mostly in its creeping averageness - right up until the end where it opted out of actually having any story or meaning or resolution whatsoever. I've gotten past the point in my life where I always wanted a HAPPY ending... but an ending in GENERAL is still always a plus in my book!

[arduinna]

I loved it, too! We almost didn't watch it because neither of the other two could believe I'd never seen it. *g*

We followed that up with a rewatch of Pandora's Clock. ♥ It was a good weekend for mid-90s disasters, man.

you're ever tempted by a movie called Fierce People -- likely by its cast: Diane Lane, Anton Yelchin, Chris Evans, Kristen Stewart, Donald Sutherland, Elizabeth Perkins

... That is a cast that would have made me give this movie a shot, so thank you for the warning! Ugh.

[mollyamory]

I was also deeply amused by the fact that "How it Ends" is both the title... and the one thing you never find out.

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought they were being VERY CLEVER by arranging it that way.... *ugh*

[arduinna]

In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if someone thought they were being VERY CLEVER by arranging it that way.... *ugh*

Yeah, same here. OH SO TWISTY.

[marthawells]

There's one on Netflix called "Hold the Dark" I've been meaning to try.

And if you don't mind subtitles and like creepy mysteries, I'd recommend "Witnesses."

[arduinna]

Ah, thank you! Both titles are going on the keep-in-mind list.