Arduinna

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/10/my-employee-dropped-the-ball-while-i-was-away-my-husbands-boss-is-coming-on-to-him-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33472

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. My employee dropped the ball on something major while I was away

I am the executive director of a small charity. I had the opportunity to support my mom on a three-week holiday in Europe, all expenses paid. My organization had six months notice and I usually end the year not using any vacation time. So no questions or concerns about being away. I brought all the tools to stay in touch with the team.

Unfortunately my go-to staffer who was slated to take on three major fundraising events during that time got sick the first week and had to cancel our participation in two of the three events.

I’m totally gutted and frustrated this happened. This staff person doesn’t like relying in volunteers too much as they can be fickle and high maintenance, so there was no back-up and she didn’t let me know soon enough for me to rally my contacts (I’ve been with the org 21 years, she three) to call in a favor or three.

My feedback in the moment was agreement and compassion as she was genuinely under the weather. But our absence from these events is not without consequences.

How do I coach her that we need more depth of support without making her feel like she failed me or the organization? She doesn’t do well with criticism. I want to be honest with her that relying on just herself or her circle of friends for volunteers is risky for this reason. I also want her to know the importance of the relationships with the people we bailed on. Any advice on how to acknowledge the negative consequences in a kind and teachable way?

The basic framing you want is: “I understand how it unfolded the way it did, but let’s talk about things we can do to make sure it doesn’t in the future, like XYZ.”

Also, you probably needed to be more proactive about addressing her reluctance to use volunteers before this ever happened. It sounds like you saw it was an issue but didn’t really dig into it with her, and there’s likely a lesson here about the need to bring concerns like that to the surface and work through them before they cause a major problem … as well as maybe to do more hands-on game-planning for major events, especially if you’ll be away when they’re happening, like talking through things that could go wrong and how to handle them so your staff is aligned with you about what to do even if you’re not on-site.

Any chance that her “not doing do well with criticism” has led you to avoid giving her feedback or direction in the past when you really needed to? That’s something to dig into, too, if so.

2. I was asked to provide proof that I wasn’t involved with my husband’s death

I woke up next to my husband in May and found he was dead. I am a teacher in training and the university I go to is well aware of the situation. I have a tattoo on my neck which is the last message he wrote to me, and one day a colleague at work said, “Do you have your name on your neck?” I explained the situation.

Last Friday I was pulled into a room by myself with no warning and asked if I had a letter from the police clearing me of his death. I was told I had overshared at work, and due to the nature of the death (he was only 49 and died unexpectedly) they would like to see a letter from the police clearing me of any wrongdoing. I became extremely upset, and told her I wouldn’t go any further than this unless HR was there to document the conversation and take notes. She then followed me into the car park and asked me not to leave as she “didn’t want me to leave like this.” I told her I was too upset to talk and she still asked me to stay.

I’m only three weeks into my course and am terrified they will look for any reason to throw me off. Am I making a mountain out of a molehill?

They asked you for a letter from the police clearing you of involvement in your husband’s death? No, you are not making a mountain of a molehill. That’s incredible offensive and upsetting.

I don’t know who the person was who pulled you into a room for this conversation, but I’d bet they were acting on their own and without consulting anyone above them, because that is a fully bananapants thing to do. You should talk with someone above her immediately and/or HR: report what happened and ask if this is actually something they need and whether the person who demanded it of you was speaking for the organization in doing so. It’s highly, highly likely that they weren’t and that whoever you talk to will be horrified and handle it on your behalf.

3. My husband’s boss is coming on to him

My husband’s supervisor is a woman, and she is coming on to him at work. I’m afraid they’re going to have an affair. Should I confront her or what should I do?

No, you should not confront her. You should talk to your husband, the person you’re in the relationship with.

4. I feel guilty about interviewing for a private sector job

I work for a government agency that is routinely rated as popular by American citizens. It is also small and almost always operates on a shoestring budget. With the shutdown and the secretary announcing further RIFs, I applied to a few other positions.

One got back to me right away and I interviewed this morning. It sounds exciting and I love the mission … but I’m deeply sad about it. I’ve worked for my agency for 20 years, I hope to continue, but also feel I can’t keep subjecting myself and my family to the “will I have a job tomorrow?” yo-yo that’s been going on for months.

Is this normal? It’s “just” a job. But apparently one that doesn’t want me anymore? I know any job doesn’t have loyalty to you, but I feel deep down I’m being disloyal.

You’re not being disloyal. Public service doesn’t require that you commit to a lifetime of servitude to the public or to your agency; it requires that you commit to doing a good job while you are there, for however long you decide that will be. You are not an indentured servant, and you are not required to remain in a job that is no longer serving your or your family’s interests.

That is always true, of all jobs. But public service jobs can have an additional layer of feeling you’ve entered into a sort of covenant with The People. Unfortunately, though, your employer has broken that covenant with you, rather violently. There is no particular obligation on your side to pretend that covenant looks today like what it used to look like.

5. Explaining I’m job searching because I’m worried my team may be laid off

I have good reason to suspect that my entire team will be laid off this year. Ideally, I’d like to stay at my company a while longer, but with the state of the job market as-is (I’m near D.C.) I get nervous about waiting to search until I’m already out of income. If I start now, though, what would I say about why I’m looking for a job when the answer is entirely just job insecurity?

If you’ve been there at least a couple of years, you can just focus on why you’re interested in the new job and not why you want to leave the old job. But if you haven’t been there long enough to make that a workable answer, it’s fine to say, “I’m seeing some indicators that the company is likely to need to make some cuts later this year, and I’m looking for a role with more stability.”

Related:
do I need to give interviewers a great reason for why I’m looking to leave my current job?

The post my employee dropped the ball while I was away, my husband’s boss is coming on to him, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/10/my-employee-dropped-the-ball-while-i-was-away-my-husbands-boss-is-coming-on-to-him-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33472