![[syndicated profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/feed.png){kind=small}
metafilter_feedaskamanager_feedRemember the letter-writer whose coworkers were joking that she was pregnant when she wasn’t — including having a local radio host congratulate her on her “pregnancy”? The first update was here, and here’s the final resolution.
I was reading AAM as I do every afternoon when one of the recommended posts catapulted me back into my past. I’m the reader who wrote to you about six years ago about my co-workers who wrote into a local radio station to pretending I was pregnant as a “prank.” I’ve been meaning to share an update for a while now, and this felt like a sign. In the years since, things got okay, worse and then much better.
After the first post, I spoke to my director to put a stop to the joking around. No one apologized, acknowledged that they’d crossed a line, or even made eye contact for a while, but I was just grateful that the jokes were over.
A few months later, my relationship unexpectedly fell apart, and a couple of weeks after that I found a channel on our internal messaging system that had been set up to talk about me behind my back. It had been running for months, predating the radio prank, and was absolutely a nail in the coffin. We also now had an external HR provision by this point, so I made a formal complaint against everyone involved. A coworker had been on the ropes for a while and they were let go not long after. I’m not sure how much the channel played a role in this, but it certainly didn’t help. The others apologized to my face, which I was grateful for at the time.
As some background, when I first started, the company was owned by two directors, a husband and wife. A couple of years into my tenure, one served the others with divorce papers and the business was squarely in the middle. But even before I started there were office norms that were only there to keep us in our lanes. We weren’t really allowed to talk to one another other than on IM, were made to take staggered lunches alone, had to sit with our screens facing outward so the boss could monitor what was on them, and so on. I found out later that my job only opened up because one director got drunk and threw a punch at a past employee on a work night out, prompting a few people to quit. When that director finally left, the other did try to open up communication but things just ran too deep. I’m sure I contributed to this environment too and I remember being deeply frustrated with nowhere for it all to go.
I also don’t remember exactly what the messages in the channel said but I was so angry that it snapped me out of my post-breakup funk and made me realise that my workplace was crap and was not going to change. I searched for all the jobs I could find with a short list of prerequisites — they must have an active HR department, visible salary scales, and be based in an interesting part of the country. I applied for the one that was closing first, which turned into one of the best things I ever did. I said yes to an interview because I’d never been to this city and at least if I didn’t get the job I could spend a couple of hours in a museum I always wanted to visit. I interviewed in February 2020, got the job, and started my new role that April, just after the first Covid-19 lockdown hit in the UK. I moved to my new city about five years ago as restrictions were starting to lift, so as people were getting used to socializing again there was me starting life again in my late 20s.
I’ve since changed roles a few times but have been in the same organization, and I can honestly say things are a million times better. My job is infinitely more fulfilling, has scope to grow, and I’m strengthening skills that are niche enough to be interesting and broad enough that I’m not stuck in a corner. I’m also actively involved in our workplace union so there’s a perfect outlet to channel any injustices in a positive way.
I’m not in touch with anyone in my old job. I wish them the best and hope everyone is successful and fulfilled in their own ways, but it took me far too long to realize it wasn’t the place for me. The fact I didn’t realize this after someone wrote to a radio station to pretend I was pregnant is beyond what I’d ever put up with now. I’m still embarrassed by the whole ordeal but grateful I can look back on it as a bizarre story rather than a situation I’m still stuck in.
The post update: my coworkers are joking that I’m pregnant when I’m not appeared first on Ask a Manager.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feed![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
brightknightie
askamanager_feedLet’s discuss chaos — or just mildly embarrassing / funny / off-key things — that happened when you were eating in a restaurant for work.
Some stories that have been shared here in the past:
I was in my mid-twenties traveling to a conference with my fifty-something boss. He could be odd and a bit awkward but never creepy or inappropriate. We were having dinner at the hotel restaurant when approached by a violin player obviously offering romantic musical accompaniment. I politely declined but my boss excitedly requested a specific piece. I then had to sit there awkwardly for several minutes while the violin player played his piece circling around us as if he was enhancing our romantic dinner. My boss smiled the whole time and afterward spoke about how lovely the music was as if he had no clue everyone was thinking I was his much younger mistress meeting up at with him at a hotel. We were both married to other people and after this we went back to discussing business.
• • • • •
I had just been promoted and my new boss invited me to lunch to discuss the job and any suggestions I might have. Having been a faceless drone for most of my short career, I was beyond excited and desperate to make a good impression. Above all, I wanted to order something tidy and easy to eat so that I could spend the lunch hour being insightful, witty, and bristling with helpful contributions. I ordered French onion soup. While channeling the business version of Dorothy Parker/Oscar Wilde, I quickly swallowed a spoonful of soup and discovered to my horror that the glob of rubbery cheese now nestled in my stomach, was attached via a rope of the stuff to the glob still in the soup bowl. While gagging and choking, I bit and gnashed at the rope like a demented shark, hoping I could finally swallow it and be free. A memorable first impression.
• • • • •
My third interview for my very first managerial job involved me flying into Chicago where I would be meeting with “the Big Boss” right at the airport.
Finding each other, he suggested we get a table at one of the restaurants, where we both ordered sodas. As he was speaking, keeping my eyes focused on his face, I bent down to take a sip of my soda. My straw went way up one of my nostrils! Neither of us said anything and I prayed he somehow had not noticed.
I got the job! Years later, it was time for me to move on. On my last day, that same boss called me in to say good bye. Grinning ear to ear, he asked me if I remembered what he called “the Straw Incident” when he had first interviewed me. (As if that were something I could forget!)
• • • • •
At a business meeting at a private club, I ordered a glass of lemonade and received a glass of lemon juice. Nothing like a cool refreshing mouthful of acid!
• • • • •
My brother’s mother-in-law was a vegetarian in a rural community who once accompanied her husband to his company’s annual dinner. The dinner organizers were very proud of themselves for coming up with something they assured her was much better than the plates of plain vegetables she’d been served in the past. Her husband got steak. She got a slice of watermelon cut into the shape of a steak.
• • • • •
Please share your own stories of work restaurant meals gone wrong in the comment section.
The post let’s discuss chaos at work restaurant meals appeared first on Ask a Manager.
glitteryv posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
recthethingmetafilter_feedfull_metal_ox posting in fancakeminoanmiss; (Tumblr) rubynye.
metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedm_findlow posting in fan_flashworkshighlander_ii posting in fan_flashworksmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. When your coworker is your Uber driver
This happened to a coworker, not me, but now I’m paranoid it will. She told me that over the weekend she and her roommate got in an Uber to get to a bar, and the driver was our other coworker. I have nothing against side hustles/second jobs (I work one myself, as a bartender at a theater), but of all the people we work with (we’re standard office workers at a large employer in our city) I would not have expected this specific person to take up Uber driving for extra cash.
So, WWYD? My coworker said she was pretty silent the entire time but did acknowledge/greet our coworker/driver. I wouldn’t know how to act, especially if I was coming home after a night out and not sober, or with a date, or just having a bad day.
This doesn’t need to be a big deal! You’d treat the coworker like you would if the driver were anyone else you knew — meaning, greet them warmly, ask how they’re doing, and, if you’re up to it, make pleasant conversation during the drive. It’s no different than your own second job, or than if you ran into them on, say, a subway. I know the power dynamics might feel a little weird — you are now paying them to provide you with a service — but treat it like you would any other unexpected public encounter with someone you know from work, and it doesn’t need to be awkward at all.
If you weren’t in a frame of mind where you could easily carry on a warm conversation (whether from a bad day or whatever else), you could say, “I hope you don’t mind, I’m exhausted and was planning to just rest my eyes during the drive.” That’s probably a good strategy if you aren’t sober as well, to avoid lowered inhibitions leading you to say anything you normally wouldn’t.
2. My colleague has hives because of the stress of our jobs
I work in an industry that doesn’t seem stressful from the outside (arts and heritage) but, due to under-staffing, lack of clear exhibition schedules/timelines, and poorly defined job scopes, is really stressful. I have considered leaving multiple times, but the industry is small and it would be hard to get a similar job elsewhere.
Recently I found out that one of my colleagues has had full body hives for over a year. She told me and another colleague over lunch when we were talking about stress at work, and she said that her doctor has advised her to take a sabbatical. In the meantime she is taking antihistamines daily. However, she does not feel like she can take a sabbatical because we have ongoing projects that will only be completed in another year.
I was shocked to hear that and urged her to take a sabbatical. I lead one of the teams she is on and know that we could distribute her work while she is recovering. However, she said she doesn’t feel like she could.
A couple of days after that, I discovered that an ex-colleague also had full body hives from the stress of working our job. She has since left and the hives have gone.
I feel very concerned for the colleague who is currently experiencing hives. Is this something I should report to our manager? Or would that be a betrayal of her confidence?
Nope, don’t share it with your manager; this is your colleague’s private medical information and how she manages it is up to her. You can certainly raise concerns about stress and unsustainable workloads, and you can encourage your coworker to take time off/brainstorm with her about how to make that happen, but your coworker’s hives (two coworker’s hives, in fact — !!) are not yours to share.
3. Changing clothes in a non-locking office
I recently got my very own office — yay! It has no windows and is completely private, though it doesn’t lock. Is it unprofessional to change clothes in the office, rather than in the bathroom or a downstairs locker room? The office doesn’t have a culture of barging in without knocking, and people mostly leave each other alone unless the door is open.
I wouldn’t change clothes in a non-locking office unless you put a sign on the door saying “please knock.” Even if the culture of your office is not to enter without knocking, it’s still possible that someone might one day — they shouldn’t! but they could — and it’s just far better for everyone (you and them) not to have to deal with stages of undress at work.
4. Will my random email address hurt me in my job search?
I am new to searching for professional jobs. I have a random email address that I used for applying to colleges and scholarships, like 753rlaf61@gmail.com. Also, the name associated with it (my name, but not including my last name) shows up in an inbox as all lowercase. Will this random email be a mark against me as I apply for professional jobs? My name is too common for me to get myname@gmail.com, but I could get an email like myname[random numbers]@gmail.com. Would this make any difference at all when I am applying for jobs? If it would make a difference, is there a format or a few formats for the email address that you would recommend?
It won’t make any difference. If you wanted to look absolutely as polished as possible, you’d get an address more like name[random numbers]@ and also capitalize your name in the “from” field correctly, but no one is going to reject you for not having that, or even think much about it (if at all).
5. Should I mention performance ratings in my resume?
I work at a FAANG company known for being pretty tough/competitive in its performance ratings. Would getting the maximum rating multiple times be something worth mentioning in either a resume, a cover letter, or an interview?
When I interview people, I often have to probe pretty hard to get to what constitutes exceeding expectations at their company versus just doing one’s job, or whether someone was actually driving innovation versus riding along with their team, or whether their cool project actually met a business need. A high performance rating seems like convenient shorthand for “I accomplished things and my employers considered them valuable and my role in them important,” but I can’t recall anyone I’ve interviewed bringing up high performance ratings (as opposed to, say, actual awards), and I’m coming up on having interviewed 100 candidates at this company, so I’m wondering if it’s gauche.
It’s not gauche. Resumes can include things like, “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation all six years.” If you can quantify that, even better: “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation — awarded only to top 5% of employees — in all six years.” Even if you can’t quantify it like that, though, it’s still worth including; your interviewer can probe about how rigorously the company operated if they want to.
You just have to make sure to word it in a way that doesn’t inadvertently signal the opposite of what you intend to accomplish. Like if you were there six years, you wouldn’t want to say, “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation in 2022.” You want it to sound really superlative.
The post my coworker was my Uber driver, changing clothes in a non-locking office, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
metafilter_feedgwynminim_calibre asked me if I'd read any Kate Atkinson and I said I had, but it was very long ago--I read Behind the Scenes at the Museum and the first Jackson Brodie book after I fell in love with the Case Histories TV series with Jason Isaacs. She ended up buying me two books she'd read, Life After Life and A God in Ruins, and I finally had the chance to start on the first one, which is like four inches thick so felt pretty daunting. I'd been so busy with work (some truly awful, awful books [mygodihateYAsomuch] and one really good one that I wasn't sure I could do it, but I really wanted to keep my reading streak going. It's been so wonderful to reclaim the reading part of my life, I can't even tell you. It's also hugely inspirational to my own writing when I'm reading really good fiction--or heck even nonfiction.
twistedchickmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedtimeasmymeasure
