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metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. When your coworker is your Uber driver
This happened to a coworker, not me, but now I’m paranoid it will. She told me that over the weekend she and her roommate got in an Uber to get to a bar, and the driver was our other coworker. I have nothing against side hustles/second jobs (I work one myself, as a bartender at a theater), but of all the people we work with (we’re standard office workers at a large employer in our city) I would not have expected this specific person to take up Uber driving for extra cash.
So, WWYD? My coworker said she was pretty silent the entire time but did acknowledge/greet our coworker/driver. I wouldn’t know how to act, especially if I was coming home after a night out and not sober, or with a date, or just having a bad day.
This doesn’t need to be a big deal! You’d treat the coworker like you would if the driver were anyone else you knew — meaning, greet them warmly, ask how they’re doing, and, if you’re up to it, make pleasant conversation during the drive. It’s no different than your own second job, or than if you ran into them on, say, a subway. I know the power dynamics might feel a little weird — you are now paying them to provide you with a service — but treat it like you would any other unexpected public encounter with someone you know from work, and it doesn’t need to be awkward at all.
If you weren’t in a frame of mind where you could easily carry on a warm conversation (whether from a bad day or whatever else), you could say, “I hope you don’t mind, I’m exhausted and was planning to just rest my eyes during the drive.” That’s probably a good strategy if you aren’t sober as well, to avoid lowered inhibitions leading you to say anything you normally wouldn’t.
2. My colleague has hives because of the stress of our jobs
I work in an industry that doesn’t seem stressful from the outside (arts and heritage) but, due to under-staffing, lack of clear exhibition schedules/timelines, and poorly defined job scopes, is really stressful. I have considered leaving multiple times, but the industry is small and it would be hard to get a similar job elsewhere.
Recently I found out that one of my colleagues has had full body hives for over a year. She told me and another colleague over lunch when we were talking about stress at work, and she said that her doctor has advised her to take a sabbatical. In the meantime she is taking antihistamines daily. However, she does not feel like she can take a sabbatical because we have ongoing projects that will only be completed in another year.
I was shocked to hear that and urged her to take a sabbatical. I lead one of the teams she is on and know that we could distribute her work while she is recovering. However, she said she doesn’t feel like she could.
A couple of days after that, I discovered that an ex-colleague also had full body hives from the stress of working our job. She has since left and the hives have gone.
I feel very concerned for the colleague who is currently experiencing hives. Is this something I should report to our manager? Or would that be a betrayal of her confidence?
Nope, don’t share it with your manager; this is your colleague’s private medical information and how she manages it is up to her. You can certainly raise concerns about stress and unsustainable workloads, and you can encourage your coworker to take time off/brainstorm with her about how to make that happen, but your coworker’s hives (two coworker’s hives, in fact — !!) are not yours to share.
3. Changing clothes in a non-locking office
I recently got my very own office — yay! It has no windows and is completely private, though it doesn’t lock. Is it unprofessional to change clothes in the office, rather than in the bathroom or a downstairs locker room? The office doesn’t have a culture of barging in without knocking, and people mostly leave each other alone unless the door is open.
I wouldn’t change clothes in a non-locking office unless you put a sign on the door saying “please knock.” Even if the culture of your office is not to enter without knocking, it’s still possible that someone might one day — they shouldn’t! but they could — and it’s just far better for everyone (you and them) not to have to deal with stages of undress at work.
4. Will my random email address hurt me in my job search?
I am new to searching for professional jobs. I have a random email address that I used for applying to colleges and scholarships, like 753rlaf61@gmail.com. Also, the name associated with it (my name, but not including my last name) shows up in an inbox as all lowercase. Will this random email be a mark against me as I apply for professional jobs? My name is too common for me to get myname@gmail.com, but I could get an email like myname[random numbers]@gmail.com. Would this make any difference at all when I am applying for jobs? If it would make a difference, is there a format or a few formats for the email address that you would recommend?
It won’t make any difference. If you wanted to look absolutely as polished as possible, you’d get an address more like name[random numbers]@ and also capitalize your name in the “from” field correctly, but no one is going to reject you for not having that, or even think much about it (if at all).
5. Should I mention performance ratings in my resume?
I work at a FAANG company known for being pretty tough/competitive in its performance ratings. Would getting the maximum rating multiple times be something worth mentioning in either a resume, a cover letter, or an interview?
When I interview people, I often have to probe pretty hard to get to what constitutes exceeding expectations at their company versus just doing one’s job, or whether someone was actually driving innovation versus riding along with their team, or whether their cool project actually met a business need. A high performance rating seems like convenient shorthand for “I accomplished things and my employers considered them valuable and my role in them important,” but I can’t recall anyone I’ve interviewed bringing up high performance ratings (as opposed to, say, actual awards), and I’m coming up on having interviewed 100 candidates at this company, so I’m wondering if it’s gauche.
It’s not gauche. Resumes can include things like, “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation all six years.” If you can quantify that, even better: “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation — awarded only to top 5% of employees — in all six years.” Even if you can’t quantify it like that, though, it’s still worth including; your interviewer can probe about how rigorously the company operated if they want to.
You just have to make sure to word it in a way that doesn’t inadvertently signal the opposite of what you intend to accomplish. Like if you were there six years, you wouldn’t want to say, “Achieved highest company rating on annual performance evaluation in 2022.” You want it to sound really superlative.
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gwynminim_calibre asked me if I'd read any Kate Atkinson and I said I had, but it was very long ago--I read Behind the Scenes at the Museum and the first Jackson Brodie book after I fell in love with the Case Histories TV series with Jason Isaacs. She ended up buying me two books she'd read, Life After Life and A God in Ruins, and I finally had the chance to start on the first one, which is like four inches thick so felt pretty daunting. I'd been so busy with work (some truly awful, awful books [mygodihateYAsomuch] and one really good one that I wasn't sure I could do it, but I really wanted to keep my reading streak going. It's been so wonderful to reclaim the reading part of my life, I can't even tell you. It's also hugely inspirational to my own writing when I'm reading really good fiction--or heck even nonfiction.
twistedchickmetafilter_feedmetafilter_feedmaru_feedchina_shopShen Wei had planned to pour his professor into a taxi, spend a few hours patrolling the city as the Black-Cloaked Envoy, and then get to work on his literature review or perhaps draft a proposal for establishing a school system in Dixing. He was already constructing arguments for the latter in his head. But Professor Zhou was distracted by something down the street and set off with surprising vigour for someone who, a moment ago, had barely been able to extract his credit card from his wallet.
Shen Wei was obliged to follow in his wake.
“Like this?” Zhao Yunlan hops onto the stool and stretches to prop his feet on the nearest ottoman. His elbows automatically find the edge of the breakfast bar behind him. He knows it looks a bit ridiculous—Da Qing never spares an opportunity to mock him for lounging like this—but it's surprisingly relaxing.
And Shen Wei clearly appreciates the view. His throat bobs as he swallows. “Like that. Are you—comfortable?”
Guo Ying tells Yu Jinlan about his first day at the SID.
Chu Shuzhi bends sideways so he’s right in Xiao-Guo’s face. “Xiao-Guo, look at me! Did something happen out there? Have you been hypnotised?”
Hypnosis wouldn’t explain the change of clothes. And Xiao-Guo is actually laughing at him now. He pats Chu Shuzhi’s knee, too, and leaves his hand there as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
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tv_talkaskamanager_feedA reader writes:
I work at a government agency (not in the U.S.) and it’s a good job. It’s a relaxed environment that definitely puts people’s safety and well-being first.
However, and I never thought I’d be saying this, I think it might be too much of a good thing.
People spend all day chewing on their fingernails and then touching everything (we are moving to a hot-desk only workspace).
We’ve got a few people who are constantly coughing or throat-clearing, and typing/clicking so forcefully that the desk shakes.
The person who sits near me arrives late almost everyday, having come from the gym, and simply changes into work clothes without showering, then spends half an hour eating breakfast, before leaving half an hour early.
I even have a coworker who constantly has their hands down their pants and pulling at their crotch. Even while presenting at a meeting, the hands are down the pants. Another coworker is not as bad, but similarly is constantly adjusting their underwear.
If I wear a blazer and jeans to work, I get comments asking if I’m going to court or to a job interview. I work in a typical office, and I don’t care what people wear, but the constant questions and comments on my clothing is starting to irritate me. I don’t want to wear sweatpants and a hoodie to work!
Is this lack of professionalism ridiculous? Or do I just need to buckle up, bring some sanitizing spray, and carry on? Are all workplaces like this?
It’s like a daycare in here. I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack from the non-stop noise and concerns about germs.
No, all workplaces aren’t like this.
But this seems like a mix of some genuinely gross stuff along with much more mundane stuff.
Genuinely gross and not typical: the hands down the pants (?!), touching everything after having their fingers in their mouths, and coming into the office sweaty and unshowered. (And how has their manager not addressed, at a minimum, the person presenting with their hands down their pants? What kind of presentations are these? But since they haven’t, you have standing to ask their manager to deal with it.)
More mundane: the coughing and throat-clearing, loud typing, and casual dress. The coughing and throat-clearing is just part of working around other humans. It can be annoying and distracting, but it’s pretty par for the course. Same for the loud typing. And the casual dress isn’t remarkable if your office allows it, which it seems like it does. (And there are offices where wearing a blazer, even with jeans, would stand out as dressier than the norm. If you do it regularly, people will probably come to see it as your style and not remark on it, but it’s still possible it could be out of sync with your particular office’s conventions.)
But isn’t the hot-desking a blessing in disguise, in that you can move further away from the sweaty gym-goers, the coughers, and the, uh, self-caressers? Carry a supply of disinfectant wipes, clean off whatever space you’re working from that day, and try to keep maximum distance between yourself and the worst offenders.
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metafilter_feedomenspikron so much in these times XD oooof tease an imminent divorce in the first couple eps, spend the entire series making the husband irredeemable and then only have the divorce in the LAST EPISODE?? Ughhh we were suffering. Props to minor character Jeon Sora for being a tiny bright light. And the actor Kim Mi-kyung (who played the main character's mother), who is ALWAYS excellent. askamanager_feedA reader writes:
I have managed someone, let’s call her Rachel, for over a year and a half. The majority of the experience has been negative — she’s rude, feeds on drama, and produces low-quality work. I’ve had several discussions with her on improving her performance. After a lot of painful experiences, she resigned while I was on vacation. She only gave a week’s notice, and since I’m on vacation we will only have two days overlap.
I know as a manager I have the responsibility to be professional and courteous, but I can’t stomach the idea that we even have to interact at all on those two final days. I have even contemplated rescheduling our team meeting to the day after she leaves because I don’t want to hear some passive-aggressive spiel from her about how she’s going to some place that appreciates her and her skill set. And I certainly don’t want to have a fake conversation where we thank each other for our time and work together, because that would be a lie. While previously I’ve tried to be encouraging in difficult conversations, now I feel like I don’t have to put on any pretenses anymore, especially since she resigned in a petty way. Is it okay if I ignore her or have very minimal interaction with her on those final two days? And what are your thoughts more broadly about minimizing interactions with toxic employees that you manage directly or are part of your division?
I answer this question — and two others — over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.
Other questions I’m answering there today include:
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runpunkrunaskamanager_feedA reader writes:
My company is technically hybrid, but my department is almost exclusively work from home, which has suited me.
This week, we’d been asked whether or not we’ll be attending an all-hands in person or on Zoom and I’d been really struggling with the decision. I like my coworkers, but I invariably get sick when I do in-person stuff and spent half of September audibly sick from the last in-person department meeting I attended. If I went, I planned to mask. The meeting was listed as being from 9 am – 1 pm and lunch is provided, but masking only works if you stay masked. That means I can’t eat or drink unless I’m outside and there’s no outdoor space at this location. Four hours in a mask without water guarantees a massive headache for me. Not ideal.
I contacted the organizer to get a little more information about the timing and activities because some things don’t work well on Zoom, and if we were wrapping up at noon with that last hour as a social lunch I could cope and just leave early. He said, “In your situation, it’ll probably work best for you to call in” so that’s what I decided to do.
This morning, I got a phone call from my manager, who is on vacation (always a good sign). He said they (I assume “they” is actually my grandboss, but I don’t know) “really want” me to attend in person. I took the hint, but was annoyed that they had asked us whether we wanted to show up, and then decided it was mandatory. Later today it became clear that no one had told the organizer that this was mandatory now, which made it feel like leadership was deliberately obscuring the change.
Then I had a call with a coworker/friend and she told me that she heard my avoiding in-person events “has been noticed.” It took me a bit to figure out what that could even mean. I went to two in-person events in August and said yes to a conference in another state where “vaccine” is a bad word — what more could they want? Eventually, we concluded that they must be talking about the corporate astrology workshop I declined (because ick, pseudoscience), the tour I’m skipping (because I used to work at that location and don’t need to spend four hours driving to see it again), and the upcoming all-hands. For the record, I have not been shy about why I declined the workshop or the tour, though I did keep it work-appropriate.
I feel that this is very unfair, though I can see how it looks, but the actual problem is that it wasn’t my manager who raised this issue with me. I don’t even know who “noticed.” But it feels like something I should address sooner rather than later, I’m just not sure how.
Should I raise this with my manager? I’m afraid it will be obvious who told me, and I don’t want to get that person in trouble. Or should I wait to see if he raises it with me? I’m concerned he won’t; he’s only been a manager for a year, and I don’t know yet how he handles difficult stuff. I’ve had a manager who didn’t tell me about problems until they became Problems before (and even then I had to twist his arm to get it out of him), and ideally I’d like to avoid that happening again.
I do plan to politely tell him that I don’t think this change was handled well. If they want us to come in, just say so. Don’t pretend to give us the option, or “strongly encourage” us and then hold it against us if we decline.
I don’t think it’s necessarily clear that attending the all-hands in person is mandatory for everyone — it sounds like it’s generally optional, but the message was being passed along to you specifically that they’d like you to attend in person, presumably because they’ve noticed you haven’t been attending as many things in-person as they want.
And who knows who “they” is here — maybe it’s your manager, maybe it’s his boss, maybe it’s both of them.
Normally I’d say to be wary of putting too much weight on something you hear about third-hand — your coworker’s mention that she’s heard your not attending things in person “has been noticed” — but it matches up pretty well with the rest of the facts, so it’s likely correct.
Still, though, it doesn’t make sense to try to sort through this without talking to your boss about it more directly.
I get that you don’t want to out your coworker for confiding in you, but you don’t have to mention that at all. You can simply say, “I wanted to ask you more about our conversation about me attending the all-hands in person. I do attend some things in person, like the two events in August and the conference in X, but I try to be judicious about what I go to because I frequently get sick when I’m around large groups — I spent a couple of weeks sick after the last in-person department meeting. I can mask, of course, but it’s hard to do all day or when there’s a meal involved. We’d been told attending the all-hands in-person was optional and Francois confirmed that when I checked with him, so your request that I be in-person made me wonder if you have any concerns about how I’m managing in-person vs. remote more broadly.”
Don’t get sidetracked by “if they want us to come in, just say so / don’t pretend it’s optional” — because, again, it sounds like it probably is optional for most people and they’re just asking you in particular to be there. Focus on what’s behind that.
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