Arduinna

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/boss-told-me-to-write-the-same-sentence-500-times-as-punishment-student-employee-lied-on-his-resume-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33493

I’m on vacation. Here are some past letters that I’m making new again, rather than leaving them to wilt in the archives.

1. My boss told me to write the same sentence 500 times as punishment for a mistake

I’m a currently an office manager, and I recently messed up and did not submit some health insurance forms that were required and cost my boss $1,000.

I have been here for four years and never made a mistake, but for some reason my boss wants me to write 500 sentences stating, “I will not screw up another insurance case.” Is this even something she can do?

She can, but it would be really, really weird — and overstepping and degrading — to require an adult to do that. (I think it’s also really weird and degrading to require a kid to do that, but at least there’s some cultural context for that being A Thing that some parents and teachers used to do.) Any chance she’s not being serious and was instead just making a bad joke about wanting you to understand the seriousness of the mistake?

If she’s serious, it’s ridiculous — condescending, insulting, and really poorly thought out. She also shouldn’t ground you, wash your mouth out with soap, or send you to your room for a time-out.

I’d take a broader look at how she treats you in general. It’s hard for me to imagine someone who thinks this is reasonable treating you respectfully in other ways.

– 2015

2. Our intern wants us all to give a coworker a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug

A birthday came up for a person in the department named Bob. He is the oldest in the department and has been with the company for over 20 years. He is loved by many and is seen as a welcoming person to the department. He has a particularly jovial relationship with one of the interns I supervise, and they jokingly refer to each other as “dad and son.” The intern showed me the birthday gift he bought for Bob and it was a “World’s Greatest Dad” mug. He said he wanted the entire department to write loving messages to Bob that would go into the mug and be presented to Bob at a later date.

I recognize the intern bought the mug with his own money, but I feel uncomfortable promoting the “Bob is the department Dad” mentality to the entire department. I do not know why exactly, but I do not think it sends the right message. (Also, we already celebrate Bob’s birthday with a happy birthday banner signed by people in the department)

I have no doubt that many in the department will love the intern’s initiative, so I have been thinking about letting it go. However, I am curious if it is more appropriate to redirect the intern to make his gift a personal one for Bob and leave the rest of the department out of it.

Yeah, the “dad” thing is a pretty weird and problematic message to promote as any kind of official department gift. It’s asking people to buy into a label for the relationship that probably won’t resonate with some/most of them, and it’s age-focused in a way you don’t want any even quasi-formal gifts at work to be. If Bob and the intern want to jokingly refer to each other as dad and son, that’s their own (odd) thing, not everyone else’s.

I’d say this to your intern: “That’s your private joke with Bob, so the mug should be your own gift to him. Ultimately, though, these are professional relationships, warm and friendly as they may be, and I don’t want to promote the ‘dad’ thing more broadly.” Frankly, that’s not a bad message for your intern to hear anyway.

(This episode of the AAM podcast takes on a different version of this — an admin who positions herself as everyone’s mom and literally calls them “my kids.” Not everyone is thrilled.)

– 2018

3. My husband says he can’t call the daycare run by my employer

We’re enrolling our children at the daycare that is run by the hospital where I work. We had a question about the kids’ physicals for the enrollment, and I suggested that my husband call the daycare since he had some free time. He said that he didn’t want to do that because the daycare is a benefit provided by my employer, and it would be comparable to me trying to set up health insurance through his employer. He went on to say that they would wonder why I wasn’t the one calling and that it could get back to my manager and reflect poorly on me.

I thought this was crazy, and no one would think any more than that this is a dad with a question about his kids’ daycare. It wasn’t like he would be asking about payroll deduction or anything related to my job. Which one of us is right?

You are.

This would be like if your kids were insured through your husband’s work plan and you thought you couldn’t talk to their doctors or take them to medical appointments because the insurance was through his employer.

This is a daycare. It would be really strange if they were only supposed to talk to one of the parents of the kids in their care. It’s 100% fine for him to contact them. If it somehow got back to your manager (which would be odd to begin with, because why would anyone take up your manager’s time reporting to her on the minutia of her employees’ daycare arrangement?), she would care precisely zero amount. Tell him to make the call.

– 2018

4. My student employee lied on his resume and said he was a director

I managed a student employee, Benjen, for about six months. Those were a tumultuous six months where we had a lot going on, absent directors, etc. I got a new job and Benjen, a part-time grad student, had to step into my old role more than he should have had to. I was happy to stay in contact with him and help him where I could after I left. Benjen was in way over his head and it wasn’t his fault.

When he left a few months later, I was happy to help with his resume. He was a great employee! Well, after a few revisions he sent me his final resume … and he claimed he was the director of the department for the ENTIRE job duration. He was never even full-time, and I wasn’t even a director. That was two levels above me.

I dropped the ball in responding to his last resume, which was months ago. I was so mad at his self-promotion that I just didn’t respond.

Now I’ve been contacted by someone for a reference on him and it turns out I’m still angry and I’m not sure how to give a reference. HE WASN’T A DIRECTOR!

Tell the truth. This is the whole point of references — as a way to verify the information candidates are self-reporting and to learn more about them. Talk to the reference checker and be very clear that he was a student employee, not a director. (And if you can only speak to the six months where you overlapped, be clear about what those dates were. If there’s any chance he was actually given the director title after you left — which sounds very unlikely — you want to be clear about that and careful to say that you’re only speaking to the time period you were there.)

Frankly, it also makes sense to write back to Benjen now and say, “I’m wondering about the title you’ve listed. You were a part-time student employee while you worked with me, not a director. You definitely can’t send it out with this on it.”

– 2018

The post boss told me to write the same sentence 500 times as punishment, student employee lied on his resume, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/boss-told-me-to-write-the-same-sentence-500-times-as-punishment-student-employee-lied-on-his-resume-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=33493

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-i-get-bad-vibes-from-my-new-boss-job-searching-while-being-stalked-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34755

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are four updates from past letter-writers.

1. I get bad vibes from my new boss

You advised me to act like a normal professional and that was absolutely the right thing to do. When we interact, the new director is pleasant and has nice things to say to me and about the work that I do.

I don’t think that she is nefarious, but unfortunately she is incompetent. She’s been a fairly absent leader, giving vague direction to teams then providing conflicting direction at the last minute, and starting meetings by sharing “profound” lessons learned or extended metaphors about her latest vacation, complete with photos (why do so many executives love to make people look at their vacation photos?). The mid- and senior-level managers beneath her have become increasingly demoralized due to a leadership style that is somehow both neglectful and micromanagey, and over time many have come to me and shared their frustrations and concerns.

That being said, you had good advice that I keep my misgivings to myself and just keep an open mind about where things were heading and what she was like as a person. It is unlikely that the people who oversee my director will address these serious gaps in leadership skill, which I suppose points to an organizational problem that I hadn’t paid attention to previously. So in the meantime, I’m heaping copious praise on the people who are actually doing the work, naming and praising the rare occasions that the director does actually lead, and just waiting until she gets bored with this work and moves on to something else.

2. Job searching while being stalked and harassed (#3 at the link)

Great news: I got a job! Right before my final interview, I reached out to the HR folks to inform them that if a background check was completed, there was a possibility that my legal nonsense would be exposed. They thanked me for my transparency and confirmed that it shouldn’t be a problem and also it was unlikely to show up. They very much understood that I wanted to inform them in case of a nasty shock.

I just completed my first week and there’s such a relief. My abuser didn’t win. I’m in my industry, in a role I’ve been wanting to move into for a long time, and compensated accordingly! While there were some hiccups (such as requiring the first name.lastname@company and I would’ve been required to change my preferred name and then have to explain that I actually go by another name; I declined due to complexity), I’m confident that if he comes out of the woodwork, I’m not doomed. I want to thank everyone for their thoughtful comments and let them know I appreciated all the insight.

For anyone who is a victim of this particular brand of torture, I want to reassure you that you’ll reclaim things and identities you thought you lost. Not going to lie that the process is crappy and hard, but you’ll get to the other side with enough time. I highly recommend leaning on domestic violence organizations. Even if the career aspects don’t necessarily fit your life (I’ve found that support for office workers was limited and I am seriously considering doing something to fill that gap), having someone listen and stand by with you? Incredible.

You’re all amazing and thank you!

3. People are bouncing on yoga balls during Zoom calls

I basically took your advice. But instead of calling the people out in the meeting, I mentioned it to each of them separately. They readily agreed to stop bouncing with their cameras on. The problem was solved completely, immediately. I’ve tried to encourage more of a cameras-off culture for my meetings in general, because Zoom fatigue is real, especially for women (this is proven) and my company is majority women.

I was surprised there was a contingent in the comments who found this controversial! They felt like I was entitled or trying to restrict people from exercising for my comfort. Other people were saying, they can still use their walking pad but with their cameras off, so there’s no detriment to them. I appreciated the person who said that bouncing on camera is like spraying excessive perfume before you go into the office (because it’s discourteous/would obviously cause others discomfort/selfish).

4. I don’t know how to respond to this job rejection feedback (#4 at the link)

I’m happy to report that I’m employed!

A couple months after this letter was posted, the same recruiter who had rejected me for a position, due to a former employee who wanted to return, reached back out with another opportunity at that company asking for similar skills and experience, and it’s been smooth sailing since then. It’s a very welcome change of pace from my previous role (a bit slower on the day-to-day), and I’ve developed a good rapport with my new team.

Thank you and everyone in the comments section, for your support!

The post updates: I get bad vibes from my new boss, job searching while being stalked, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-i-get-bad-vibes-from-my-new-boss-job-searching-while-being-stalked-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34755

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-the-ceo-keeps-asking-young-male-employees-to-try-her-breast-milk.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34162

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the CEO who kept asking young male employees to try her breast milk (!!)? Here’s the update.

I recently wrote in about my CEO offering her breast milk to staff.

The staff member most impacted elected to write a letter to the board. About 95% of union members decided to sign on to the letter, with many of them writing their own letters describing favoritism and lack of accountability on the part of the CEO. The whole board received this letter shortly before their monthly meeting.

Per the union contract, the board has five working days to respond. Nearly three weeks on, they still have not responded.

According to gossip around the office, the board considered the letter “dramatic” and is doing nothing to address it.

I was offered a new job today. I am heartbroken, but know I probably shouldn’t stay. On paper, this is my dream job, and I have built the program I manage from scratch. We also serve many of the people most impacted by the government shutdown and upcoming changes to food and other support, so I am feeling profoundly scared and guilty about the future of the program as I consider leaving during a pivotal moment.

That said, I took the sentiment expressed by you and many commenters about letting this craziness poison me seriously, and I know I need to go — I’m just looking for any reason not to.

Thanks to you and your community for all the wisdom and support. It made me feel a little less alone and crazy.

The post update: the CEO keeps asking young male employees to try her breast milk appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-the-ceo-keeps-asking-young-male-employees-to-try-her-breast-milk.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34162