Arduinna

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-constantly-babbling-coworker-the-fed-who-insists-everythings-fine-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34783

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past. Here are three updates from past letter-writers.

1. My coworker’s constant babbling is drowning me in info, and my boss won’t help

So as it happened, by the time the post went up I’d left the job and the region. But not long after I sent in the letter, I sat down and laid this out to my boss pretty much exactly as I wrote in. He wasn’t blind so while he wasn’t exactly thrilled, he did get it. I was a receptionist/admin in a small public office with regular customer service and sales tasks in addition to EA and admin work, my desk was the entryway hub, and it was a notoriously “interrupty” environment. I had no real problem with any of that — it was just the coworker I wrote about. She used us all like free dating coaches, therapists, and dumping grounds for everything in her head from House Key Movement Monologues up to and including graphic sex and undiluted trauma in the aftermath of a horrible gruesome local accident. I was the only one tied to a central desk and providing the anchor work keeping the office open to the public so I just bore the brunt.

In the talk, my boss told me that both his predecessor and he had the option of installing a door in the wall between his desks and the coworker’s desk area and that having that door installed and left open was likely what was needed to start keeping them on task and start him providing the constant ongoing “knock it off, get to work” feedback to correct her performance issues, which were significant. Only both of them also thought she was a nightmare and couldn’t face taking this on. To be fair, it would have taken 80% of his time and attention, invariably led to a PIP, insubordination, and various other write-ups and likely her quitting or being fired, whereupon a 30-year veteran of the department (her) would start slandering the office to our entire small town, and we had a significant and important role in the community. I did understand their reluctance to table the entirety of their actual work load to remedial train a 55- year-old Piece of Work in order to maneuver her out the door in the midst of an inevitable shit storm. It’s bad management but it’s pretty human, and I wanted to move anyway. So I preserved my reputation with my boss and got out from under the waterfall, which were my main goals.

If I’d wanted to stay in the community, I would have been a lot more frustrated, as it was a good job with a great wage and there was no need for it to be literally terrible. And yeah, it pushed me out into the worst job market in like a century so had I not had support and savings and been so ready to move on, I would probably be a lot saltier about it all.

I work a well-paying solitary labor job now, my rent is cheaper, the stores sell fresh fruit, and nobody’s pouring poison in my ears all day, so personally I feel this was a grand success. And the last I heard of her, she was trying to hold a conversation with a public works employee who was actively jackhammering a road so … yeah.

2. We’re feds with a coworker who won’t stop insisting everything is fine (#2 at the link)

Fergus toned down the positivity once we were back in the office, so the issue mostly worked itself out on its own. He is still sometimes too rah rah, but it’s not as bad as it was.

Unfortunately, the deputy has only ratcheted up the positivity. Every meeting, no matter how unpleasant or difficult the topic, has to end with a statement of how well things are going or how we’re doing amazing work, and everything we do is just the best. It’s exhausting.

A few weeks before the shutdown, the deputy dropped a bomb on us in a meeting. Something new is coming, and it has the opportunity to be very good for our office, or it has the possibility of being a giant clusterbleep. It’s the kind of situation that needs a lot of thought and careful planning. I’ve been in my office for over 10 years, and this represents, most likely, a radical change to the office and office culture. So, naturally, I was apprehensive and asked a million questions in the meeting about it, most of which management had no answers for. All of my questions were about logistics and planning, but, admittedly, my tone may have been too incredulous because the news was so surprising. Other folks told my manager that they had the exact same questions that I had.

Two days later, the deputy asked me to meet with her, without informing my manager. (This has happened before when she wants to reprimand someone but not discuss it with their manager.) In the meeting, she implicitly threatened my promotion potential for being too negative. I was also told that I could ask questions of the managers, strongly implying that I was not to ask questions in meetings because people “look up to” me as a senior staffer. Again, all I did was ask questions. I made no pronouncements that I thought this would fail or be bad for the office. I just wanted to understand and try to play my part in making it succeed. I have to work closely with the deputy on a project that I loathe, and this conversation has only made that more difficult. I’m a realist by nature, so gushing over how good everything is just isn’t how I operate. I guess I’ve got to learn to fake it.

3. When and how to tell clients I’m closing my business (#2 at the link)

In the end, I didn’t get in to Taco Night School A (day school, actually) here in my city, nor Taco Day School B in neighbor city. I ended up opting for Taco Day School C, which is an hour and a half one-way commute. After working mostly afternoons and evenings for years, waking up at 6:00 every day has been a huge adjustment, but I’m very happy with the program I’m in and the choice to go back to school more generally.

However, I didn’t find any of that out til August, so I proceeded with closing my business following your advice to just tell them in general terms that I was shutting down. Most of them did ask what I would be doing, which I replied to as if I had a solid plan. Despite being sad to lose me, the families generally realize that tutoring is a tough business with low profits and an unforgiving schedule, and were genuinely happy for me pursuing other opportunities.

I made recommendations for replacement tutors when possible, but that wasn’t the case for all families (for example, I couldn’t recommend anyone who works with young kids, or kids with dyslexia). Some families apparently had a very hard time finding new tutors and continued to write me even in mid-October to help them find someone and/or pretty please make an exception just for them. In the end, everyone either found a replacement or gave up on bothering me about it, and I only got guilt-tripped into staying on with one student (who, admittedly, has very specific learning needs that not many people are able to accommodate). I’m not entirely thrilled — it’s a lot combined with my own studies — but all in all I think the closing was handled smoothly, thanks in part to your advice!

The post updates: the constantly babbling coworker, the fed who insists everything’s fine, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/updates-the-constantly-babbling-coworker-the-fed-who-insists-everythings-fine-and-more.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34783

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-i-feel-guilty-about-retiring-at-such-a-hard-moment-for-my-colleagues.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34533

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer who felt guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for her colleagues? Here’s the update.

First, I want to say whole-heartedly that I really valued all of the advice offered, and the various ways in which my anxiety about retiring was reframed helped me move forward and quiet the guilt I was feeling. Thank you all for all of the advice, and for taking the time and putting together your thoughts to offer it.

I did retire. I fended off all urges to stay for just a little while longer (“just to get past this hard part”). I quieted pleas from colleagues who claimed they couldn’t possibly get along without me. I accepted accolades and parties, and crying and laughing when people said kind things or shared stories. (Apparently, I’m a hoot.) It was lovely. But I’ve been saying for years that I never want to be so indispensable to the organization that it would stumble even a bit if I left. (No person in a large organization should ever be that indispensable — that is incredibly fragile!) I was able to soothe my colleagues’ fears and did whatever I could to lift them up. I had more drop-in advice sessions and quickly scheduled coffees and meetings than ever before … which was fine, because I didn’t have much to do in that last month. Work had been passed on, and was already being managed very well.

One of the practices I got into the habit of doing in those last few weeks was to write what I called “love letters” on behalf of my closest and most respected colleagues — generally people I had worked with often, on challenging puzzles or the Very Weird Situations that had grown to be my specialty. It was therapeutic to take time to write to them (and copy their supervisors), to name their strengths and share my confidence that they are great administrators, and thank them for specific contributions to work we had done together. I know one of those unsolicited messages made it into a promotion packet; others were included in annual performance feedback (and arguments for the modest pay increases we received). I received several letters from the supervisors (whom I also generally know) thanking me and wishing me well. Yay!

I did this for a few reasons, but most importantly, I was mindful of the advice/commentary from AAM readers: my retirement would make way for talented people in the next generation to grow in their work. I was already mindful of that: my transition plan involved working with my colleagues and supervisor to study and reorganize my work and that created opportunities for promotion and growth for several colleagues. (All of which, as far as I know, are being remunerated.) I made myself available for questions, but my colleagues challenged themselves to work things out without ever having to call on me…and they didn’t. At all. “We’ve got this!” was their motto — and they did. I won’t lie and say that wasn’t bittersweet … but gee. They were having fun!

I know it’s been hard for them, though. I’m very grateful that decisions about promotions and so on were made before I left, because immediately following, budget cuts were announced and my position will not be refilled. Some projects will slow down, but not cease entirely; others might get shuffled and changed (and my absence makes that easier). Friends still reach out on a new Teams channel, where we are sharing conversations about pets, crafts, hiking, and recipes.

My life after my last day? Reading, napping, projects, longer dog walks, travel, consulting side-hustle … recalibrating my blood pressure and energy level, recognizing that life is different without constant work-related anxiety. Letting go of low-stakes irritations. No new projects, other than to ramp up efforts to fight fascism and read my way through the long lists of books banned or proposed for banning in schools (and attend discussions about that). I’m figuring it out, but not making commitments to any specific charitable organizations (seems like work) or seeking other employment (see above). I’ve got a great therapist, wonderful partner, and lovely friends, so I think I’ll get there. It’s still a bit amorphous, but I’m enjoying the change.

The post update: I feel guilty about retiring at such a hard moment for my colleagues appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-i-feel-guilty-about-retiring-at-such-a-hard-moment-for-my-colleagues.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34533

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/how-do-we-fire-someone-in-an-open-plan-office.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34058

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

A reader writes:

My company’s offices are entirely open plan, with the exception of a few fish-bowl style, glass-walled conference rooms. There aren’t even dividers between desks, just one big room, so everyone can see everything that’s happening.

Unfortunately, we have had to terminate a few people over the last year, typically for not meeting performance goals (as opposed to misconduct or misbehavior). Typically, the terminated employee gets the news in a conference room and is escorted out by their manager, which has had varying levels of success. There was one situation where the manager allowed the terminated employee to return to his desk to collect some things, which ended in an awkward conversation with some of the folks at the desks surrounding his.

Obviously, people may immediately need to collect items at their desks (coats, wallets, etc.), but that can be mitigated by someone else gathering those items for them. My question is then, what is the best way to handle employee termination in an open office, where it can become obvious what’s happening?

I answer this question over at Inc. today, where I’m revisiting letters that have been buried in the archives here from years ago (and sometimes updating/expanding my answers to them). You can read it here.

The post how do we fire someone in an open-plan office? appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/how-do-we-fire-someone-in-an-open-plan-office.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34058

Posted by Ask a Manager

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-a-job-placement-firm-sent-us-someone-who-cant-do-the-work-but-they-say-theyll-lose-their-funding-if-we-dont-keep-her.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34537

It’s “where are you now?” month at Ask a Manager, and all December I’m running updates from people who had their letters here answered in the past.

There will be more posts than usual this week, so keep checking back throughout the day.

Remember the letter-writer whose office had been sent someone who couldn’t do the work by a job placement firm that said they’d lose their funding if the letter-writer’s office didn’t keep her? The hire, Carol, not only couldn’t do the work, but was disruptive — and her wealthy parents were being disruptive too.  Here’s the update.

I found some menial tasks from the lists given and put Carol on them. She really liked making paper chains, cutting out paper decorations for her desk, and coloring them. I spoke with my boss and Alice (the placement firm contact) about getting a job coach for Carol. I told my boss I needed to hire a second person to do the work Carol wasn’t able to do — which was just about everything on her job description. Alice agreed to “look into” getting a job coach. Carol made lots of paper decorations for her 10 hours a week when we were babysitting. My boss said I could hire someone else to do Carol’s job as a part-timer but to interview candidates in September, when I returned from my long-planned vacation.

Two weeks after I asked Alice for a job coach, she was no longer with the job placement firm. We were back at square one. Then, I went on my vacation for two weeks. In those two weeks, my boss covered for me and got to see just what a problem Carol was firsthand. Highlights of those weeks include:

• Carol’s dad dropped her off extra early one day. She came into the building and took the receptionist’s chair, replacing it with the one at her desk. The receptionist is an older lady with mobility issues and has a large, high backed chair. Carol’s is a simple office chair like the rest of us. Carol refused to give the chair back even saying “I deserve it!” multiple times while waving her arms threateningly at the receptionist. My boss called her dad to pick her up. The next day, he delivered a pricey office chair for her.
• Carol’s mother decided to try coming to speak to my boss without me there. She arrived during the day, after Carol had been picked up. My boss told her to leave. She yelled across the office at how much better Carol was doing without me around. My boss told her to leave before he called the cops. She left.
• One of my coworkers was tasked with giving Carol work. Carol yelled at her and told her, “You don’t tell me what to do!” She did this every day I was gone, despite being told I was going on vacation and “Lauren” would be in charge in my absence.
• One day, Carol’s external conversations with herself were so loud and out of control my boss called her dad to get her. He was honestly afraid she was going to hurt someone or herself.
• Carol was asked to wipe down the microwave and sink after she used them during lunch and left a mess. She told my boss, “I’m not a maid. You get a maid to do it!”
• Carol had another run-in with one of the delivery guys. He asked her to hold the door to the package room since she was coming out and he was going in with a large load. She yelled at him to “do his job” and called him fat. Again.

After all of this, my boss called the organization and said Carol could not come back until they sent a job coach. In the meantime, I hired a high school kid to work part-time after school. Best decision ever.

Three weeks later, Carol came back with a job coach in tow. The coach, Fred, wasn’t great and I don’t even think he was trained as a job coach. He seemed very young and inexperienced and spent a lot of time on his phone. I called the agency and asked about Fred. The director there spoke as if this guy walked on water but I wasn’t seeing it. I asked Fred what his last job was, and he said a front desk clerk at a lower tier hotel chain. He said he took this job because the hours were better. I told him I needed a lot more coaching because paying Carol to cut paper decorations all day was ridiculous. He agreed, but didn’t care enough to actually do something. I called the agency again and was told that he was all they had.

So that brings us up to mid-October. Mid-October is our company’s big fall festival for the employees and our families. Carol showed up with both parents in tow. My boss allowed the mom to be there since we weren’t in the office but in a rented space. The parents spent a lot of time socializing with people, including my boss, but the mother made a clear effort to avoid me.

While this was going on, Carol was wandering around trying to play games that were meant for kids. She was told she couldn’t be in the bounce house, since kids were in there. She wanted a pony ride but was told she was too big. Stuff like that. Then she happened upon the cornhole game. A bunch of kids, probably ages 8 – 12, were playing cornhole while “Danny,” one of our long-time employees, was watching and filming his kids. Carol walked up and grabbed the bags off the board and said it was her turn. Danny told her she could play when they were done. Carol kept yelling that it was her turn. Danny told her to go find her dad. Carol then picked up a cornhole board and threw it across the grass. It struck another employee in the legs. Carol then threw the bags at one of the boys, hitting him in the back.

And that’s when my boss fired her right on the spot and told the dad he could come get the chair and any of her belongings on Monday but they had to leave immediately. The mother threatened discrimination lawsuits and kept yelling and ranting about how she’s never been treated so poorly in her life and how awful we all are — that we needed “more compassion” for Carol.

My boss said get out or he’d call the cops because Carol had just assaulted two people.

The dad at least had the good sense to pull the mom towards the car and then went back to get Carol who was still in mid-tantrum.

They never came back for the chair, so I claimed it as my reward for dealing with this ridiculous family.

The other good news is my new part-timer is a great kid. He’s going to welding school next year and I told him if he ever wants a welding job, he’s got one with us.

The post update: a job placement firm sent us someone who can’t do the work but they say they’ll lose their funding if we don’t keep her appeared first on Ask a Manager.

https://www.askamanager.org/2025/12/update-a-job-placement-firm-sent-us-someone-who-cant-do-the-work-but-they-say-theyll-lose-their-funding-if-we-dont-keep-her.html

https://www.askamanager.org/?p=34537