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metafilter_feedmetafilter_feedaskamanager_feedIt’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…
1. My coworkers have a group text that gets social messages late into the night
I recently started a new job. I like the job itself but am struggling with the constant group texts/chats. There are eight of us (boss included) and many are using group chats/texts for personal updates, sometimes late into the night. Think ultrasound pictures (at 10 pm), blurry videos of fireworks, and updates on their swimming pools … including pictures of their feet.
I’m up for some casual chat but my phone buzzes with non-urgent personal matters. We’re all remote, not friendly outside of work in any other way, and it doesn’t seem to be a culture thing outside of my team.
I don’t want to seem anti-social, but it’s distracting when I’m trying to work and extremely annoying in my personal time.
How can I approach my boss to curb the personal team chats and especially the personal group texts? Or at least limit my inclusion in them?
I would be deeply annoyed to get photos of my coworker’s feet at 10 pm. (I’m not sure I want them at 3 pm either, for that matter.)
Is there anything work-related sent to this chat, or is it all personal stuff? If it’s all personal, you should feel free to just mute the chat entirely! (On most devices you should be able to mute just that specific chat without muting the entire app.)
If there’s work stuff included, could you tell your boss that you’re worried about missing work info that gets lost amidst after-hours personal chat and suggest creating a separate work-only chat so that doesn’t happen (or better yet, using something like Slack rather than texts)? It’s a little tricky to raise as a new person coming into an existing culture that’s apparently working for them, but “I’m worried about missing work info” is pretty reasonable. Otherwise, though, mute mute mute.
2. Do I have to attend a work party on my maternity leave?
My manager invited me to a close coworker’s retirement party during my maternity leave and say they want to meet the baby. Am I obligated to attend? I’m enjoying this bonding time with my baby, and I still don’t feel comfortable leaving the house with baby in tow. I also feel bad as they threw me a really nice baby shower before I left.
You are absolutely not obligated to attend — not in any way, shape, or form. It’s kind of them to indicate they’d welcome seeing you and the baby, but that’s just a suggestion, not a summons! You can simply say that you’re not taking the baby anywhere yet (or it’s too rough with her nap schedule, or whatever reason you like) but you look forward to seeing everyone when you’re back at work.
3. Our office didn’t have bathrooms or water, but they wouldn’t send us home
How would you navigate this? I work for a Fortune 500 corporation in a satellite office, about 30 minutes away from our regional headquarters. Most of us are hybrid.
Last Wednesday, a required in-office day, we arrived to work and were told there was a water main break and we had no water. We didn’t have access to restrooms, fresh water, etc. The site director would not let us go home to work. We had to use the gas station across the street. Around 11 am, we got portable outhouses and bottled water, and water was back on around 3 pm.
Should they have sent us home? What do I do in the future if it happens again? Should I mention it to HR, which works out in our regional headquarters?
Yes, they should have sent you home. It’s particularly ridiculous that you’re all hybrid and thus obviously set up to work from home and yet they still didn’t do that.
OSHA regulations require workspaces to have potable water and working bathrooms. I suspect they were thinking their emergency measures (the outhouses and bottled water) were going to be in place so quickly that it wouldn’t be enough time for the OSHA regulations to be a serious issue. I have no idea if OSHA would agree, but I’m guessing they wouldn’t — and what would have happened if someone had had an urgent need for a bathroom before then? The gas station across the street isn’t a workable option, given that it could easily be in use at the time someone needed it.
In theory you and your coworkers could have simply said, “We can’t work without bathrooms and potable water, per OSHA regulations, so we’re going to head home and work from there” and then done so … but people aren’t always comfortable doing that. You could contact HR now and ask about how it should be handled if it happens again, framing it as, “If this happens again and we’re out of compliance with OSHA regulations on water and bathrooms, I’d like to know we could work from home without penalty.”
4. At what point can my resume be two pages?
I’ve been really strict with myself about the one-page resume rule, paring down to only accomplishments and removing less relevant jobs and education details. But now that I’ve been working for five-plus years, that’s getting very difficult. I’ve always heard that recent grads should definitely only use one page, and people with decades of experience can use two, but what about the in-between? Have I earned a second page by now?
If the stuff you want to include is substantive and not fluff, go ahead and use a second page. The one-page resume rule is for people who are just out of school, which is no longer you.
Keep in mind you don’t need to use the full second page — a page and a half is fine to do, and the more info you cram in, the less likely the most important stuff will be seen in a quick skim.
5. How can my resume discuss my work on a multimillion dollar gift?
Earlier this year, I left a nonprofit job in fundraising. I was in the department for over five years. A few months before leaving, I was asked to write a proposal for an individual potential donor who was considering a multi-million dollar gift. I submitted the proposal to my supervisor, who planned to make the ask.
When the gift was agreed upon I was never informed about its approval. Later, when I asked about the gift and if I could include the proposal drafting skills in my resume, my supervisor told me, “There were many changes made to the proposal after your submission — so, no, you can’t say you drafted a proposal that was approved for X million dollars.”
Now I’m revising my resume and I’d like to include this skill and the approved amount. What do you think?
It’s hard to say without knowing how significantly the proposal changed. If it was still largely your work, then absolutely. If it was heavily rewritten, there’s less of an argument for it — but even then, if you’re confident your work still helped move the process along in a meaningful way (as opposed to the manager essentially starting from scratch on their own), you could say, “Wrote initial draft of fundraising proposal that was ultimately successful in securing a $X million gift.”
The post coworkers send social messages late into the night, office didn’t have bathrooms or water, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
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metafilter_feedaskamanager_feedA reader writes:
I’ve been at my workplace for five years; I like the work, I like my coworkers, and I like my direct manager.
The problem is the top of the pyramid. My organization’s leaders have never been the most effective. But recently, disparaging off-hand comments have reached a level where I’m having trouble ignoring how disparaging the upper management is. Specifically, one person in particular repeatedly refers to everyone at my level in the org as though we’re children.
Examples include references in passing to how we are all Gen Z — almost no one is, actually, but when people gently corrected her, she snapped about how it doesn’t really matter because we’re all so young anyway. (It is perhaps relevant that her kids are, in fact, Gen Z; they’re still in high school. I’m in my mid-30s.)
Relatedly, she also recently opined that we don’t know how to be professional about adhering to workplace policies because it’s most people’s first job out of college. This is also not true for almost anyone, and the person it is technically true of has been at the org for almost 10 years. The real problem, in my humble and childish opinion, is that we have no workplace policies, so everyone is trying to make it up as they go.
These condescending comments would be bad enough on their own. But it seems to inform other, more tangible issues like pay, promotion, and general trust in our choices at work. I’m in my 30s, I have a graduate degree, I am talking about buying a house with my partner, and this is not my first job. Yet when our upper management talks about how we’re all just wee wittle babies with no idea what we’re doing, it’s hard to feel as though my work is meaningful or respected. I’ve grown a lot at this job — I’ve won awards! — but I don’t think she’s noticed; to her, I seem to be at the exact same stage, in both work and life more generally, as I was five years ago.
I know I’m not the only one to feel extremely disrespected and beaten down by these comments. We’re unionized, and I know everyone else in the shop feels the same way about these comments, but we’re all kind of stymied; being spoken down to is not really a contractual issue.
For context, we are a small org. We don’t really have HR, and it’s difficult to navigate some of the workplace personnel issues because there aren’t any policies or ways to file complaints. It’s not possible to be anonymous. And this manager, while not technically my direct supervisor, is still someone I see and interface with regularly. We chitchat about life, and she also gives feedback on my work. Her desires and opinion of me impact what I’m doing daily. She also, clearly, does not take criticism constructively.
My direct supervisor gives me a lot of freedom and trust, which is a real saving grace; other people are dealing with this even more. But since we’re so small, he can only insulate me so much.
The obvious answer is to find new work; if my work doesn’t respect me, find a place that does! But I work in an industry with vanishingly few job openings. Also, unlike most other options in my field, my job is stable — even if underpaid compared with industry standard — so I don’t really feel as though I should leave, even if I could find another job, which is also unlikely.
So given that I’m staying here for at least the immediate foreseeable future, I’m wondering how to navigate this issue in a productive way.
Honestly, I don’t think you’re going to solve it, so the best thing you can do is to find ways to let it roll off of you.
That’s not to say that it’s not ridiculous and offensive; it is.
But in a small organization with no HR and this is a senior leader who doesn’t take feedback well … it’s not likely to change.
That doesn’t mean you can’t try! At a minimum, there might be responses you can try in the moment to try to highlight how absurd her comments are, or at least to push back on them. When she remarks on how young you are, you could say, “I’m in my mid-career with a master’s and X years of experience. I’m really concerned if you don’t think I have professional experience or judgment.”
When she says this is most employees’ first job out of college, say, “Wait, what? Most of us are mid-career and have been working for years.”
You could also try addressing it more head-on if you want to: “Can I ask you about something? You’ve made a lot of comments about how inexperienced I am, and I’m really taken aback by it since I’ve been working for X years. Do you have concerns about my work or my judgment that we should talk about?” … and then, depending on her response, possibly followed by, “I know you would want to know if something you were saying was landing the wrong way, so I want to be up-front that it’s demoralizing to hear my work dismissed like that.”
You might also talk to your own boss about the effect this person’s comments are having and ask if he has any insight into where on earth she’s coming from and whether he might consider having a conversation of his own with her (or, for that matter, with other management above him, who might be better positioned to tell her to cut it out).
But if none of that works, your best bet is to find ways not to care. That’s easier said than done, I realize! But this woman’s perspective is so absurd — insisting that you’re all right out of college when you’re not and talking about people in their mid-30s as wee babies — that seeing her very clearly as the jackwagon she appears to be might be the most powerful thing you can do for your own peace of mind.
The post my senior colleague keeps acting like we’re all children appeared first on Ask a Manager.
askamanager_feedHere are three updates from past letter-writers.
1. My horrible old coworker is a customer at my new job and keeps lying about me (#2 at the link)
Ironically, almost immediately after I posted about my situation, K decided to double down with my manager and even tried to submit a few applications for bankers who could replace me. I was a senior recruiting consultant with my previous company, so it might not seem that off to a casual observer, but I was sitting right there at my desk, 4 feet from them, as it all unfolded.
I think I heard something snap in my head; I think it was my last F to give. What did I ever do to this person to deserve this? She must have forgotten that when her dad died and she needed help I lent her a not-small amount of money to help with the funeral costs. My ex-husband, at my request, helped with cleanup after a storm knocked a tree down in her yard. She asked that I proof her work before she submitted it, and, awful person that I am, I willingly did it.
I decided to employ a technique I like to think of as “weaponized support.” Any time K needs help? Leave it to me, I got this.
The first time I interacted with her after she tried to replace me was something I’ll never forget. I answered the phone, sweet as sugar, and she asked for my manager. I politely informed her that she had just stepped away from her desk but offered nothing else. She then asked if any of my coworkers were available, all of them by name. “Unfortunately, I’m the only one available right now.” K then asked if anyone would be in later that day. “It’s just me today, but I can help you.” She literally swore on the phone. I had to stifle my laughter. After hanging up, I am not kidding when I say I doubled over laughing.
Now? I love it when she calls or stops in. I don’t know if she’s still trying to sabotage my career, but I think she’s too uncomfortable to try anymore. As a nice bonus, my manager has even praised my problem solving skills to her boss. I feel like this is a win.
2. My coworker has a horrifying WWII artifact at home
Content warning if you click through: this letter was upsetting.
It turns out Gertrude has a history of speaking inappropriately on a variety of topics and this is being addressed on levels above me. When I texted her outside of work to offer some suggestions for the doll, she told me she had called a Holocaust Museum at which she had previously volunteered (!!) and would be sending it to them. I do still have to work with her but I have disengaged as much as possible and I’m moving states in the fall anyway so I’m just going to deal until then. Thank you for your advice and attention.
3. Should I apologize for past mistakes? (#3 at the link)
I really appreciated your response and the comments from readers. There is a little more context to my question that I left out for the sake of brevity but definitely influenced my update: I had mentioned a change in leadership in my original question, which included my direct manager. He was a friend/previous colleague of our new VP and was hired fully remote multiple time zones away from our office. He would regularly ignore my messages/emails and cancel our 1-on-1s with little notice. When I could get him on the phone, he would be encouraging and apologetic, but had zero follow-through when it came to addressing any of my concerns. I had very little support from this new manager; as one of the few holdovers from the previous team I was expected to handle not only a huge amount of work, but also managing a lot of interpersonal relationships with other “old guard” members of the department (including the stakeholder my original question was about). This meant communicating decisions made by the new leadership, many of which I did not agree with.
Long story short, I ended up leaving the company a month after the project went live (3 months after I wrote to you). After a year of feeling overworked, not listened to, and taken for granted I was experiencing a textbook case of burnout. I wound up accepting an offer working under an old manager, who had seen the writing on the wall about a year and a half before I did and left for greener pastures. I am so much happier at my new role. I did take a small pay cut but I feel respected, interested in the work, and like my life is no longer consumed by work stress and anxiety.
In regards to the issue with the stakeholder, I wrote a long letter I never ended up sending to her. I did have a call with her when I told her I was leaving the company where I spoke to some of my regrets from the original project and reiterated my respect for her and our working relationship. She had very kind things to say to me and expressed dismay about me leaving the company. In retrospect, I think the precipitating incident where she vented her frustrations was a result of poor communication from leadership throughout the project, and her concerns being given lip service at levels above me (a feeling I deeply resonated with). I do feel a sense of peace and closure from that conversation. Based on the updates from my former team members who stayed I also feel validated in my decision to move on from that company. Several others left the department not long after I did.
The post updates: the horrifying doll, the awful coworker who’s now a customer, and more appeared first on Ask a Manager.
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